Worth Saving?
by LilyRose Blue
Summary: What do you do when the person you love the most betrays you? Do you forgive them or do you move on? Gemma has a decision to make and it won't be easy.Sequel to Flawed Heart.
1. Chapter 1

"Gemma, what are we doing here? You know how much Clay loves you. That man would do anything for you." "I think you are making a big deal out of nothing at all." Luann was in the backseat of Tara Knowles car smoking a cigarette. She had been in this same position for the last hour.

Gemma said "Luann…he has been lying to me for a week." "And I am going to find out what the hell is going on if it kills him." said Gemma with determination. She was sitting in the drivers' seat of Tara's car. The car was parked down the block from the club. Gemma's eyes were trained on the club not bothering to look back at Luann.

"Don't you mean if it kills you?" asked Tara eating some chips. "I still don't understand why I am here…?" "I could be home with Jax and Abel right now." said Tara. "Instead I am on a stake out with his crazy mother."

"No, I said it right the first time." said Gemma. "If there is going to be only one of us standing at the end…I'd rather it be me." said Gemma. Gemma said "He has been lying to me…and this week is the first week I have caught it." "There is no telling how long he has been lying to me…" "Because he won't recognize your car and besides…you are a doctor." "He might need medical attention when I am done with him." "And quit your complaining. I bought your snacks didn't I?"

"What…exactly is he lying about Gemma? You didn't even tell me why we were staking him out. Just that we were going to be stalking him. And trust me…I love playing detective just as much as the next scorned woman…but at least tell us why we are here." said Luann.

"It started Monday night. Clay told me he was staying the night at the club because he was drunk and didn't feel like having any of the guys bring him home." said Gemma.

"Well, that sounds believable enough. I mean Jax does that from time to time too." "Too much beer and too much Whiskey make all the boys drunker than they should be." "Besides they were celebrating Tig's birthday." said Tara

"I know all of that…and I believed him until the next day at work…when Juice asked me when Clay was coming into the club for the day." "I went to Clay's room at the club and he wasn't there…" "His bed hadn't been slept in." "And he damn sure didn't come home." "Clay has come home late every night this week except for the two nights he didn't come home at all." "When he does make it home he goes straight in the shower…and then gets into bed." "The son of a bitch has never worried about being funky before bed before."

Luann wanted to say something positive but that definitely sounded like cheating to her. "Why would Clay risk what the two of you have?" "After you nailed that girl in the face with a skateboard….I think Clay knows to keep his activities on the road where they belong." Luann was talking about a couple of months back when a girl named Cherry had shown up. She had been a hanger-on from another charter that slept with Clay when he had gone to Nevada. Gemma thought she had shown up in Charming for Clay…but the girl was really there for Half-Sack. But before Gemma found that out she hit the girl over the face with a skateboard sending her to the hospital with a broken nose.

Gemma said "Men do stupid things…they defy logic…" "We've had some tense times lately…" "Men are like…hyperactive children…nothing keeps their attention for long. No matter how good of a thing it might be." "I'm nobody's fool…" "If Clay is cheating on me…I am going to find out tonight." "Luann if you don't want to be here…then go."

"You know that I am going to see this through." "Who the hell is going to pull you off Clay's corpse if you kill him?" asked Luann. "Doc here is too busy stuffing her face."

"Hey! I am 4 months pregnant." "I get to snack if I want to." said Tara.

"Wait…there he goes." said Gemma seeing Clay drive off of the lot. Gemma started up the car and started following Clay. They drove for what seemed like forever to Gemma. As she drove her mind was ticking away the possibilities. Finally Clay stopped at a little house in Stockton. He pulled his bike into the drive way and then walked to the front door of the house. He used a key to head inside.

"Maybe it is a friend Gemma…" said Luannn unconvincingly.

Gemma was quiet for a minute. "Maybe…" "We'll sit here and wait and see…" said Gemma. Gemma relaxed against the seat and kept her eyes on the little house. Two hours passed and then Gemma's cell phone rang and startled everyone in the silent car. Gemma answered the phone. "Hello?" asked Gemma.

"Hey babe. I've had a few too many…I am going to stay at the club tonight." said Clay. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Clay…you've been out so much lately. Why don't I just come to the club and spend the night with you? You know like the old days." said Gemma. "I miss you baby." said Gemma.

"I am too tired…but you are right…I have been busy. I miss you too." "Why don't we have breakfast tomorrow morning at the diner?" asked Clay.

Gemma said "Sure…goodnight." Gemma hung up on him and tossed her phone in her purse. Gemma punched the dashboard. She sat there silent for a minute and then saw the lights in the house go out. She got out of the car grabbing her bat and walked toward the house.

"Shit!" said Luann hopping out of the car following her. "What are you going to do?" "Tara! Get behind the wheel in case we've got to take off in a hurry." said Luann.

Tara stopped eating and slid over in the car. She peered out of the windshield watching Gemma and Luann.

Gemma knocked on the door deciding the direct approach was the best approach.

Clay walked to the door and opened it. He froze a minute seeing Gemma. He reeked of booze.. "What…are you doing here?" asked Clay finally finding words.

"Who is she?" asked Gemma pushing passed him and walking into the house. Luann followed hoping to stop Gemma from committing a murder. Gemma shoved the bat hard into Clay's chest. "Who have you being sleeping with?" "I want an answer Clay or I will tear this place apart." Gemma swung the bat into a lamp breaking it.

"Gemma! This isn't what you think it is." said Clay. "Just calm down and we can go home and talk about this." "Okay… we just need to talk." said Clay.

A young woman that looked to be in her 30's rushed out of a bedroom wearing a short robe. "Clay! What the hell is going on?" "Who is she?" asked the girl.

"Yes, Clay…what is going on?" asked Gemma looking at the girl.

"I…" said Clay trying to figure out how to explain himself. He looked at the girl. "Alexis go back into the bedroom please!" said Clay.

"You stupid, selfish son of a bitch." said Gemma. She punched him and then kicked him in the crotch.

Clay grabbed Gemma and shoved her against the wall. "We are not going to fight…not here and not now…" "So calm the hell down." said Clay.

"Get your hands off of me or I swear to God…I will gut you like a fucking fish." said Gemma in a cold voice. The fire in her eyes left no doubt that she would do it. "Let me go!"

Clay grabbed her hands to keep her from going for her purse."We need to talk about this damnit!"

Gemma kicked him in the crotch again this time it sent him to the floor. "If I see your face again…I will put a bullet in it." "Let's go Luann…"

"Clay!" cried the woman as she ran over to Clay.

"Shit…Gemma…you weren't really going to stab him were you." said Luann rushing out to the car with Gemma.

"No, I was going to gut him like a fish." reiterated Gemma. "But it isn't worth it…" Gemma still had the bat in hand. She looked at Clay's motorcycle and shoved it over and then took the bat and started beating it. She finally stopped and then walked to the car getting in.

Luann hurriedly hopped into the car.

Tara didn't even bother asking what happened she sped off back toward Gemma and Clay's house. She pulled up at the house.

"Goodnight you two…" "Thanks for coming on my little adventure with me." said Gemma. "I have a lot to do tonight…"

"Gemma, we are not leaving you alone…" "We are coming in with you." said Luann getting out of the car.

Tara got out of the car and said "You shouldn't be alone after something like this…" Mostly Tara was worried that Gemma might go back to the house.

"Suit yourselves." said Gemma unlocking the door and going into the house. She went straight for her bedroom and flung open her closet doors. She started pulling out Clay's clothes and throwing them on the floor. "He is staying somewhere else…well he can stay there permanently." said Gemma.

Luann said "Well, shit I might as well help you." "I'll get garbage bags." said Luann going into the kitchen and grabbing a couple of big black garbage bags and brought them back to the bedroom. She started stuffing the clothes on the floor into the bags.

"It was real clever of him…sitting up house with some whore out in Stockton…less of a chance of anyone seeing him…" said Gemma. "He got sloppy this week...but it had to be going on longer than this…" Gemma stopped feeling tears clouding her eyes. She said "Well, who needs him."

"Men make mistakes honey…you know that." "Maybe this is just a transgression…" "Some sort of mid-life crisis thing he is going through." said Luann.

"He is in his 60's I think we are a little passed mid-life!" said Gemma. "I guess he kept his promise…he said the road would never come to town again…" "So instead he set her up in another city." said Gemma.

"Maybe it isn't what you think it is." "Maybe she is just a friend Gemma. He was fully dressed…." "I mean…he had been there two hours. If that was his mistress…surely they would have already had sex." said Luann.

"You are not helping Luann!" said Gemma.

Tara looked out the window and saw Clay pulling up outside. Tara called Jax. "Jax, you need to get over to Gemma and Clay's house." "Things are about to get really bad…really quickly." said Tara. "Your mom thinks Clay is cheating on her. We followed him to this house…and now we are back and she is throwing his stuff out and Clay just pulled up."

"What the hell?" asked Jax. "I'll be there." said Jax hanging up.

"Gemma…Clay is here…I called Jax though." said Tara. "Please don't go out there until Jax gets here…" "Please." said Tara. "I put the chain on the door." "He can't just walk into the house…"

"Fine I will wait until Jax gets here." said Gemma. She went back to throwing his stuff on the floor.

Clay tried the door and realized that the chain was on the door. "Gemma come and unlock the damn door!" "I need to talk to you!" "Baby please just open the door." Clay used his shoulder to burst into the house.

Gemma started dragging bags out of the bedroom hearing Clay. She started throwing the bags of clothes at him. "We are done! Do you hear me?" "Done" yelled Gemma.

Clay grabbed her and said "Would you listen to me for a damn minute." "I made a mistake okay." "And it isn't exactly what you think it is." "I just…you need to listen to me."

"Get your hands off of me." "I don't care about what you have to say." "Did you screw that girl?" "That is all I want to know." "That is all I really need to know." said Gemma.

"Yes, but…" said Clay.

Gemma cut him off. "Screw you." She turned walked back toward the bedroom

"Don't you walk away from me!" said Clay grabbing Gemma. He all but dragged her into the bedroom closing and locking the door behind them.

Luann and Tara stood outside the room helplessly banging on the door. "Open the door!" "Clay I'll call the cops." yelled Tara scared for Gemma.

Yelling, screaming, and things breaking could be heard on the other side of the door.

Tara was about to call the police when Jax and Opie walked into the house. "Jax!" "Clay took your mom in the bedroom and they won't open the door." said Tara.

There was a loud thump inside of the room.

Jax rushed the door and with Opie's help they kicked in the bedroom door.

Clay was holding Gemma against a wall screaming at her.

Jax grabbed Clay and threw him against a wall. "Get your hands off of my mother." said Jax. He saw a bruise on Gemma's face. "Did he do that?" asked Jax. His eyes widened and he looked like he was about to kill someone.


	2. Chapter 2

Gemma looked between Clay and Jax and knew that Jax was ready to kill him. "Jax, I know that you feel like you need to protect me. And I love you for that. It lets me know that I raised you right." "But I don't need you to fight my battles for me baby. I can take care of myself. Clay and I were fighting...we've got a lot of things to work...and we can't do that with everyone here."

"You still didn't answer my question. Did Clay give you that bruise on your face?" "Because if he did that means that he has a problem with me and this fight is no longer between the two of you." "I don't care what you did...if he laid a hand on you I will slit his throat right here and now." Jax looked at Opie. "Can you make sure Tara and Luann get home safely? I don't need any extra witnesses."

Opie didn't argue. He knew that even as much as he and Mary fought that if anyone laid a hand on his mother he wouldn't give killing them a second thought. He nodded and said "Sure Jax." "If you need me Jax...for anything call." "Tara...Luann...lets go." said Opie guiding them to the front door and then out of it. He closed the door behind them.

Gemma said "Clay didn't hit me Jax." "We were fighting. I don't know how I got the bruise." said Gemma. "You know me...when I am angry I go from 0 to 100 in a matter of seconds." "Clay was only trying to restrain me because I was kicking his ass. He wouldn't leave so I kept trying to make him leave." said Gemma. "I appreciate you worrying about me baby boy but I am going to be okay. Clay and I just need to talk...alone for awhile." "You go on and go home okay?" "I will call you if I need anything. I love you."

Jax glanced over at Clay and really looked at him for the first time and realized that Clay was the one that had more bruises. "Damn...she kicked your ass old man." said Jax. "Alright, I will leave you two here to talk..." "Mom if you need me...you call me. I don't care what time it is or what is wrong." "Call me and I will handle it." He left it hanging in the air to let Clay know he wasn't out of the woods yet. "I love you ma." Jax hugged Gemma and walked out of the bedroom.

Clay walked into the living room waiting for Jax to ride off on his motorcycle. He closed and locked the front door and then walked back into the bedroom. "Thank you for talking to me Gemma." "We need to get this out in the air. I hate fighting with you baby. I love you."

Gemma slapped him. "You ever slap me again and you won't have to worry about Jax killing you. I will do it myself!" "What is wrong with you?" "You've been drinking all of the time. You are angry...and now this thing with this woman." "I've always tolerated you sleeping around on the road because that was a part of club life. But...to have a full time woman and so close to home..." "I would do anything for you...I am your wife. I am supposed to be able to trust you Clay." Gemma felt tears welling up in her eyes. "How long have you been seeing her Clay?"

"Gemma...you know I love you. I've never loved another woman the way I love you." "I would die for you baby. You have to know how important you are to me. How much I have loved being your husband for 17 years." "I would give you anything you ever wanted...I have given you anything you wanted." "Tell me right now what I have to do to make this right and I will do it." "I don't want to lose you Gemma baby..."

"You aren't the only one that has given and sacrificed for this relationship Clay. I love you...but that doesn't change what I saw tonight. And no amount of bullshit apologies is going to change that." "You have been lying to me all week about where you have been." "I always believed that I could trust..." "Respect me enough to tell me the damn truth about what is going on." said Gemma.

Clay had a seat on the bed. "The woman you saw tonight...was Alexis." "I met her a few years ago up in Tacoma." "I had sex with her and every time I went up to Tacoma she was...my regular girl." "We would hook up and spend time together..." "A month ago she called me through one of the guys in the charter up there in Tacoma and told me that she had been pregnant and had given birth to a baby. My baby..." "She gave birth four months ago...after she gave birth...she got hooked on drugs..." "Messed up and lost her place. She was staying with some junkie friends of hers...almost lost the baby to Child Services." "I had Joe from Tacoma go check out her friend's house...it was a mess...junkies living there." "It wasn't a place for a kid definitely not a kid that could be mine." "So two weeks ago...I convinced her to move here. I rented a place for her out in Stockton and Joe from Tacoma helped her move down here." "I was going over there to see about her and the baby." "But this week she's been having a hard time resisting the temptation to go score dope...and she was having a hard time with the baby crying all of the time..." "So I went and stayed over there to take care of the baby and to make sure Alexis isn't getting high." "I swear Gemma I haven't had sex with her." "It isn't even about that." "I am just waiting for the DNA test results to come back from Sean to see if he is my son..."

Gemma felt like the wind had been knocked out of her. She laid down on the bed for a minute to catch her breath. Clay had been seeing a regular woman up in Tacoma. Her mind raced trying to count all of the trips he had made up there in recent years with Tig. Her mind raced thinking about the baby. His baby with this woman. "When do you get the DNA results?" asked Gemma.

"The DNA results should be back in the next couple of days..." "The lab said it takes about two weeks to get the results back." said Clay. "Gemma...talk to me please...what are you thinking?" asked Clay. "Baby, I love you and I am sorry I didn't just come clean with you. But I didn't want to tell you until I knew the truth about this baby." "I didn't want to hurt you unnecessarily."

"Do you love her?" asked Gemma in a detached voice. She sat up in the bed and looked into his eyes. She searched them for the truth. She had to know if he loved someone else.

"I am not in love with her Gemma." "You are the only woman that I am in love with." "Just you...and only you." said Clay.

"Do you love her?"asked Gemma again. "I need to know the truth Clay."

"I care about her...I care about what happens to her even if the baby isn't mine..." "I...she's a good kid...just got mixed up in the wrong crowd." said Clay. "She needs my help with the baby... at least until I find out if he is mine or not."

"And if he is your son?" asked Gemma.

"What do you want me to do Gemma?" asked Clay. "Walk away from my son?" "I've always wanted a child…it just never happened for us." "You never…" Clay trailed off.

"You should know me better than that to even ask that. But then again maybe you don't know me. Maybe I don't know you either." said Gemma. "I would never ask you to walk away from your child Clay." "I want you to be in his life." "But I want to know what this means for you and Alexis?" "You can't spend nights over there Clay..." "I don't trust you." "And if the shoe was on the other foot you wouldn't trust me either." "I am more than willing to help you take care of Sean while his mother gets herself together. She needs to go to rehab Clay, you can't watch her 24 hours a day to make sure she isn't getting high." "I will help you take care of your son until Alexis is clean from the drugs and is ready to be his mother." "Then you two can work out a custody situation." "I never got pregnant because I was scared to death of passing on my heart defect to another child." "Losing Thomas nearly killed me." "There are still days when I can't look at his picture without pain ripping through me…" "And you never told me that you wanted a child…was I supposed to read your mind? You were already in your 40's." "I was in my 30's…I was young enough to give it a try…" "We could have adopted."

"Alexis needs my help taking care of Sean right now. She is in a bad way and she can't do it on her own." "But I don't want to take Sean away from her either...he needs his mother. And she needs to be with him as much as he needs to be with her. What if someone would have wanted to take Jax or Thomas...?" said Clay. "What if we let Alexis stay here just until she is ready to go to rehab for awhile?" "She can stay in one of the extra rooms with Sean." "Just so we can keep an eye on her."

Gemma blinked looking at him like he was nuts. "You want me to let your mistress move into our house?" "Are you high?' asked Gemma. "Whatever you are on you need to sleep it off." said Gemma getting up from the bed. She walked out of the bedroom slamming the door behind her. She went to the guest room for the night and locked the door. Gemma sat in the room and stared at the wall for awhile. Her heart wanted to cry but her anger wouldn't let her. Clay had put her in a horrible position: Let his mistress stay with them or watch him leave and spend the nights at her house to keep her sober.

Gemma stayed awake the entire night and watched the sun come up. She got up and went into her and Clay's bedroom. He was asleep in their bed. The room was a trashed wreck. Gemma walked to her dresser and grabbed some clothes. She went back to the guest room and showered. She got dressed and then went into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee. She stared out the window. She hurried footsteps behind her and then felt arms circling her waist. Gemma moved away from Clay.

"Can we talk about this?" asked Clay quietly. "I love you Gemma."

Gemma was quiet for a moment before she finally said "I love you too…but I don't see how this can work." "She can't move in here…I won't allow it." "But you need to be there for her…" "You need to move out Clay."

"I don't want to lose you…." said Clay.

"I can't do this Clay…for now….we need to take a break. And maybe when things in your life settle down. Maybe we can have a life together again." said Gemma. "I hope Sean is your son… I know how important that is to you." "And…if once Alexis is better…if you and I can reconnect…I would be happy to be Sean's step-mother." "But if we try to stay together right now." "I will only end up hating you…" "I am going to leave for awhile…and when I get back…I'd really like for you to be gone." "I am going to take off for a few days." said Gemma. She walked out of the kitchen and left Clay standing there by himself.

Clay stood there and watched the woman he loved walk away from him…away from the life they had built together.

Gemma went to her room and tossed some clothes and money into a bag and walked out of the house not looking back.


	3. Chapter 3

Ten days passed before Gemma returned to Charming. She had taken a much needed vacation away from the drama that was her life at the moment. It had been a week and a half of peace, relaxation, and fun. But now she was back in town and she knew that she had a lot to deal with. Her first order of business was to make sure that Clay had cleared out of the house. Her second order of business was getting her locks changed. She hung up with the locksmith as she arrived at her house. Gemma drove home and parked in the driveway. She sat there for a moment and took in a deep breath. On one hand she would miss Clay if he had moved out and she would be heartbroken. But on the other hand there was no way that they could live together with Alexis in the house or with him spending the nights at her house.

Gemma stepped out of the car wearing a pair of black leather pants, a black lace tank top, and a black leather jacket. Her hair was freshly done as were her nails. She had pampered herself on her trip. She collected all of her bags from the car and walked up to the front door. She took one last deep breath and unlocked the door walking in. She saw several dozens of red roses sitting on the coffee table some looking like they were on their last leg and others looking new. She assumed that they had been there for awhile.

Gemma walked into her bedroom and was surprised to see it had been cleaned from top to bottom. She sat all of her bags on the bed and started to unpack. She was home for maybe ten minutes when someone knocked on the door. Gemma went to the front door and looked out the peephole and saw Jax. She smiled and opened the door. "Hi baby. I was going to call you after I finished unpacking. I did quite a bit of shopping while I was gone." "How did you know I was back?" asked Gemma.

"I asked your next door neighbor to call me the minute she saw your car." said Jax. "You said you would be gone for a couple of days." "After day three I started to worry about you." "Are you okay?" asked Jax walking into the house and closing the door behind him.

"I've been better, but I have definitely been worse." "You know me…Teller's are strong. What doesn't kill us only makes us stronger." "I needed a few days to clear my head and make sense of my world." "I think I was able to gain some perspective while I was away." "I talked to Tara and told her to let you know that I was doing okay." said Gemma. "But…I couldn't talk to you…I know you'd be like a dog with a bone until I told you what was going on."

He laughed and said "It still isn't the same as hearing from you myself." "But Tara said…that you didn't want to be interrogated about what is going on with you and Clay while you were away on vacation." "So you are back from the vacation…are you going to tell me what is going on?"

Gemma chuckled and said "You have my sense of curiosity." "Come into the kitchen I will make coffee and some lunch." "Are you hungry?" asked Gemma.

Jax chuckled and asked "When do I ever turn down a meal you cooked?" Jax walked into the kitchen and had a seat at the table. "So…" "Are you going to tell me what is going on or am I going to have to beat it out of Clay?" "He has been tight lipped about the entire thing." "He's been staying at the club every night."

"You are about as impatient as John used to be." "Clay and I are going to be separated for awhile." "There may be a divorce in our future." "While I was out of town I found a lawyer in Stockton and made an appointment with him." "I wanted a lawyer that wasn't from Charming…so hopefully the person will be a little removed from knowing every detail about the club. And…maybe not tainted by the club's influence." "Clay's money is mostly…unreported income." "I won't get the alimony I deserve." "Which means I will be raiding his coffers here at the house if he hasn't already." Gemma made lunch and checked on the coffee.

"Slow down…why are the two of you separating? Divorce?" "And you know I will look after you money wise if it comes to that." said Jax. "I am not going to let you suffer." "Whatever you need I will make sure you have it."

"You have a family to worry about supporting. You don't need to be trying to support me. I can take care of myself." "I know where Clay keeps all of his money." "And if he hasn't gotten to it…then I will get to it." "And we can split it equitably…or I'll take his money and take off." said Gemma.

"You still didn't say why you two are separated or getting divorced." "Did he hurt you?" asked Jax. "It would be easy enough for me to just make him disappear." "And everyone in the club might wonder…if I did it… but if they can't prove it…they couldn't question the new president." Jax reached over and touched his mother's hand letting her know that he meant what he was saying. "Dad would want me to protect you."

"He didn't hurt me in a physical way Jax." said Gemma bringing lunch over to the table. "I guess the truth is going to come out eventually…I might as well tell you now." "Clay had a girlfriend that lived in Tacoma." "Apparently, he used to see her whenever he went up to Tacoma…which as you know…was often at times." "Well, she got pregnant and had his baby." "At least she thinks Clay is the father." "They are waiting on the DNA test to confirm." "Long story short she is on drugs, she is a mess, can't take care of her kid, so Clay set her up in a house in Stockton."

Jax sat there for a minute taking it all in. "You are actually telling me to not get involved in this?" "After he disrespected you like this."

"This isn't your fight kiddo." said Gemma. "It is going to be hard for awhile when everyone finds out that Clay has a baby…but I have been through worse." "People suspected me of sending your father to his death." "People love scandal." "It makes their boring lives more livable." "I am going to get the locks changed today." "I called a locksmith on my way home, he should be here soon." "I have the appointment with the lawyer this afternoon." "I am going to live my life and see how all of this plays out." "Maybe we get back together…or maybe we are a lost cause."

"Do you want me to come with you to see this lawyer?" asked Jax. "So where did you go for the week? I was never able to get Tara to tell me the location. She just told me that you were still in the United States." said Jax eating lunch.

"No, I can handle seeing the lawyer on my own." "I drove to San Francisco and flew to Las Vegas. I enjoyed all ten days there." "I gambled, I took in a couple of shows, I shopped, and I went to a spa." "I tried not to think about my shitty life back here." said Gemma laughing.

"You went to Vegas?" asked Jax laughing. "I guess that is one way to get away from your problems." "Mom you know if you need anything…" "I just…I am having a hard time wrapping my mind around all of this." "Clay hasn't said word one to me about what is going on." "He has only asked if I heard from you."

"I am fine Jackson." "But thank you for worrying about me." She heard the doorbell. "Oh that must be the locksmith." She smiled "You stay here and eat." Gemma walked into the living room and opened the front door thinking it was the locksmith. She paused seeing Clay standing there. "What are you doing here?" asked Gemma.

"It is good to see you Gemma." said Clay pulling her into his arms. "You look beautiful…" "I can't believe you were gone for so long." "I kept…coming back here…hoping you would be home." "I came by and left you roses…your favorite…" "But…I was starting to wonder if you'd ever come back." said Clay looking into her eyes.

"I couldn't leave Jax, Abel, Tara, and the boys behind. They need me. I just needed some time to myself." said Gemma moving out of his arms even though. "Did the DNA test results come in?" "Is Sean your son?" asked Gemma.

"I need you in my life too Gemma." said Clay lightly caressing her cheek. He stared into her eyes. He nodded and said "Yes, Sean is my son." "He's almost five months old." "I'd really like for you to meet him Gemma." "You'll love him when you see him." "He is perfect."

"We need some time apart Clay…" "I don't mean to be rude but I need you to leave please." "I've got several things to do today." said Gemma. "Maybe I will see you at the office tomorrow. Maybe you could bring Sean by and I could meet him then. Does he have your blue eyes?" asked Gemma.

Clay stood there in shock. He was sure that with ten days away that Gemma would be ready to let him come back home. "Gemma, I hate being away from you. I don't sleep well when you aren't next to me…you know that." "I love you…don't you love me too?" "Don't you want to be with me?"

"Clay, I love you so much and I want to be your wife." "But right now we aren't good for one another." "I need some time." "I need to be able to…be okay with this." "And you need to be able to help Alexis." "She can't stay here…" "And I can't trust you staying over there."

"I haven't been staying over there." "I asked Bobby to stay with her…to look after her." "I've been spending my nights at the club." "You can ask any of the boys including Jax." "Since the day you asked me to move out…I have spent every night at the club."

Gemma was about to speak when she saw the locksmith approaching. "Clay…can we talk about this later." "The locksmith is here."

Clay turned around seeing the locksmith. "What is this?"

"I want the locks changed." "For now we need a break." "And I'd feel better if we had some boundaries Clay." said Gemma.

Jax walked into the room. "Clay…let me talk to you for a minute." Jax led Clay outside.

Gemma gave Jax a grateful look and took the locksmith inside telling him which locks she needed changed.

Clay walked outside with Jax. "Listen, I don't need your bullshit right now." "So back off Jax." "I let you get away with that bullshit the night of the fight because I knew you were worried about your mother." "But this has nothing to do with you."

"You think breaking my mother's heart doesn't have anything to do with me?" "She ran off for ten days where I didn't see her or hear from her personally." "She is hurting and you caused that." "Not to mention the humiliation that will follow. Everyone in this little town knowing you had a kid with your mistress." "Do you know how embarrassing that will be to her?" "I know you love my mom…but you screwed up and you hurt her bad." "It is going to take more than I am sorry to fix this…" "It is going take some time." "Don't try to push her…the harder you push the harder she will push you away." "You didn't screw this up in a day and you won't fix it in a day either." said Jax.

Clay said "I am going to go back to the club. I've got some business to do." "Could you tell your mom that I love her?" asked Clay.

Jax nodded and said "Yeah, I can do that."

Clay nodded and got onto his bike and left.

Jax walked back into the house and looked for Gemma.

Gemma was in the kitchen drinking a cup of coffee. "Thank you for getting Clay to leave…"

"Now...why do you think I had anything to do with him leaving?" asked Jax with a chuckle.

"Clay is stubborn…he wouldn't have left on his own." "Thank you…I didn't feel like arguing or fighting…I feel good." said Gemma.

"He said he loves you." said Jax.

"I believe he does…I just wonder if it is enough anymore." said Gemma. Gemma looked at her watch. "I know this a lot to ask but could you stay here and watch the locksmith." "I need to go to the lawyer's office. I don't want to be late for my appointment."

"Yeah, I can do that for you." "Just call me when you are on your way back to town and I will meet you here with the new keys." said Jax.

"Thank you sweetie." said Gemma getting up from the table and kissing his head. She left the kitchen and grabbed her purse, keys, and sunglasses and left.


	4. Chapter 4

Gemma arrived at the law office in Stockton. She looked at the tall building and took a scrap of paper out of her purse to make sure she had arrived at the right office. Gemma got out of the car with her sunglasses on and headed into the building. She took the elevator up to the third floor. When the doors slid open Gemma took in a deep breath and walked out of the elevator. She looked at the wall across from the elevator and she saw the names McCoy and Frost in large gold lettering. "Swanky…" muttered Gemma under her breath.

Gemma walked over to the receptionist's desk and said "Good Afternoon. I am Gemma Morrow. I am here to see Mr. McCoy."

The red-haired elderly woman smiled at Gemma. "Good Afternoon Mrs. Morrow. Mr. McCoy is ready for you." She stood up and walked her down a short corridor and pointed her to an open office door.

Inside the office was 46 year old James McCoy. He stood up and walked around his desk. "Mrs. Morrow it is nice to meet you." "Please come in." He closed his office door.

Gemma and her lawyer met for nearly an hour before she left the office. She was exhausted from all of the talking but they had managed to come up with a plan for how to locate and divide the assets and the ball was rolling for a legal separation. Gemma left the office feeling tired but more assured in her future. She walked to a coffee shop across the street from the lawyer's office. She headed inside and ordered a coffee and then had a seat. A few minutes later she heard a familiar voice behind her.

"Gemma…is that you?" asked Elliot Oswald. His car was parked right next to Gemma's car. Elliot Oswald had known Gemma since they were kids in school together. They had been friends for some time but their lives had gone in very different directions. Elliot went on to take over his family's businesses and make them even more successful and Gemma had left town at 16 and returned with an outlaw biker gang and a family.

Gemma turned around and offered a smile. "Hi Elliot. How are you?" "Would you like to sit down?"

Elliot sat down across from Gemma holding his own cup of coffee. "Thank you for offering. I am doing good finally. My numbers are finally up in the Mayor's poll. I think I just might beat Jacob Hale for the position. The campaigning has been tough…having two native sons of Charming running against one another. A lot of good people are going to have to choose sides." said Elliot. "How are you doing? I stopped by the garage a few days ago to have my car serviced and you weren't there. Jax told me that you were on vacation."

"I am glad to hear that you are doing so well in the polls. You know that I will be voting for you. I never could stand Jacob Hale Senior or Junior. There is nothing worse than crooks that pretend that they are law abiding. For as much as Jacob Hale hates SAMCRO he causes more damage to the town than the club ever could. He'd fleece the entire town and turn it over to developers if he could." said Gemma. "Oh, I was out of town for awhile. I went to Las Vegas for a vacation. It was a lot of fun."

"You gamble?" asked Elliot a little shocked. "I always thought you were more of a person to be interested in the sure thing. But then again you always did like danger."

She laughed at that and said "Well, I have been known to gamble a little. But mostly I enjoyed the other things that Las Vegas has to offer. So how is Tristen doing?"

"She has been better…Karen leaving was hard on her. She's still got me…but a girl her age needs her mother and she makes me painfully aware of that every day as if I can force Karen to come back home." said Elliot. "I was actually here to see my lawyer…Patrick Frost…Karen wants more money from me if I am going to keep full custody of Tristen…my ex-wife is extorting me because the pre-nup left her cabinets pretty bare. But Tristen is the one that wants to live with me. She isn't interested in living with Karen and her new boy toy." "So…you were here seeing James McCoy?" "I saw you getting onto the elevator to come down as I was leaving Patrick's office."

"I am sorry to hear about that. It seems like older spouses and extramarital affairs are going around these days. You know if Tristen ever needs anything...just send her my way. I don't know how good of an influence I will be on her but I know a thing or two about being a teenage girl." Gemma paused when he asked her about the lawyer. She finally said "Yes, but…I'd like you to keep that particular fact to yourself Elliot…I know Clay is doing you a favor by giving you the Sons support…but…" said Gemma being cut off by Elliot.

"Your secret is safe with me Gemma. I knew something was up when I went to the office and you weren't there. I've never known you to take a vacation without Clay…" said Elliot. "And he may be supporting me in this election…but I've known you longer." said Elliot reaching over and patting her hand. "For what it is worth…I am sorry."

"Thank you Elliot. I appreciate it." "Well, I don't know how sorry I am…all of this has given me the chance to reevaluate my life. Those ten days away gave me…clarity." "Some things are going to have to change…even if Clay and I don't get divorced…"

"Well, there isn't anything wrong with clarity. I needed that when Karen first left. I had to figure out if our marriage was worth saving…I decided that it wasn't. I wasn't going to pursue someone that betrayed me. Sometimes sorry just isn't enough." said Elliot looking had his hand where his wedding band used to sit. "So it isn't for certain yet? The divorce that is." asked Elliot.

Gemma listened to the words fall out of Elliot's mouth and knew that she was in a similar situation. She didn't know if she felt like fighting. "How do you trust after being betrayed?" asked Gemma looking at him. "For now…nothing is certain…I am certain that I need some time apart…I asked Clay to move out for the time being." Gemma looked at her own had that was bare as well. She had taken her rings off in Las Vegas and hadn't bothered to put them back on.

He chuckled ruefully. "If I knew how to do that…I might still be married to Karen instead of fighting with her about custody of Tristen. Forgiveness comes at some point I guess. But for right now every time I see her I feel like my heart is being ripped out. But you know the saying…whatever doesn't work in your life change it. I guess if I was honest with myself…there had been signs of problems for awhile but I ignored them." "Wow…asking him to move out is a big step."

"Well, at least that is something that Clay and I won't have to fight over…no children." said Gemma with a strange look in her eyes.

"Are you okay? Okay…that was a stupid question…" said Elliot shaking his head at the fact he had asked if she was okay. Of course she wasn't okay.

"Just thinking about the things that I sacrificed and gave up…and this is where I am. I don't know who I am angrier with…Clay for lying to me or for me believing his lies. I have always prided myself on seeing passed the bullshit." said Gemma.

"Listen, I don't want to pry but…you look like you want to talk…I will listen." said Elliot.

Gemma looked at him. She didn't want to talk to anyone associated in the club about it and he wasn't in the club. Gemma said "Clay blames me for not having…a child with him. But he never said that he wanted children…I wanted more children. I just couldn't think about giving my genes to another child. I couldn't imagine having another child suffer the way my Thomas did. But I wanted to adopt…but by the time Clay and I got married…he had been arrested so many times…we weren't eligible for adoption." "And now someone has given him the very thing that I didn't…" "And can't…anymore if I wanted to…mother nature took that option away from me." "I don't know how to go on from here…I don't know that I will ever be able to look at him the same."

"Gemma…I am so sorry." said Elliot not sure what else to say. He struggled to think of something encouraging and uplifting but he didn't have anything. He finally said "You know…at least you are the young and beautiful one in the relationship." He smiled at her.

Gemma burst into laughter and shook her head. "Young? Well, compared to Clay you are damn right about that. I suppose there is an upside to being attracted to older men. Maybe I can become a cougar."

"What the hell is a cougar?" asked Elliot confused.

"An older woman that goes after a much younger man." said Gemma laughing. "I am…well you don't need to know how old I am."

"Oooh..a Mrs. Robinson? Well, they are plenty of young men in town." said Elliot laughing. "Uh, Gemma…I know how old you are. I might have to do the math but I can figure it out." "Let's you are three years younger than me because you were three years behind me in school." "So that would make you….Ow!" said Elliot looking under the table at his foot.

Gemma laughed and said "Stop right there…next time I will use the heel of this stiletto to silence you. I am at an age where I have stopped aging. I stopped like 5 years ago for good reason."

"There is nothing wrong with growing older…trust me I am supporting a bald spot and my bones creak sometimes for no reason at all. Getting older is the fun part of life you start doing things that you were too afraid or too busy to do when you were younger. I am running for public office." said Elliot.

Gemma laughed and said "I was wild when I was young. This is the settled part of my life…if you can call me settled. But there are some things that I would like to do and I think that I am going to do them."

"Well, is there anything you have ever wanted to do…and just never did for whatever reason?" asked Elliot.

Gemma thought about it for a minute. "Well, I always wanted to own a bar. Before John died…he and talked about opening a little place of our own…but it never happened…it was a pipe dream. I think it was one of the few thoughts that made him happy after Thomas died…"

"You still miss John a lot don't you?" asked Elliot.

"Sure…you never stop missing your first love and there are reminders of him everywhere. His mug shot picture hanging at the club. His bike is on display at the club. Hell Jax is the spitting image of him…" "Sounds like him sometimes too." "I had a lot of dreams that never came true…" "But I thought they would with Clay…at some point." "But maybe it is time to start making things happen for myself." said Gemma with a laugh.

Elliot said "Well, there is nothing wrong with that. Life is what you make it Gemma. You've always been smart…and conniving…I can't believe there is something that you want that you can't make happen." He looked at his watch. "I am sorry but I have a meeting here in 20 minutes. I need to get across town to get to it." "I enjoyed talking to you though." "You know if you need anything…give me a call."

Gemma smiled and said "I just might do that. It is nice to have a friendly ear outside of the club." "Goodbye Elliot."

Elliot got up and left the coffee shop.

Gemma left not long after Elliot and drove back to Charming. She called Jax on her way back to town so that he could meet her at the house with the new keys. Gemma pulled up to see Jax sitting on his bike waiting for her. Gemma got out of the car and walked over to him. "Did it take the locksmith long?"

Jax shook his head and said "No, not long at all. I've been back to the club…everyone is wondering what is going on…Clay was pissed when he went back to the club. He is on a war path. If he comes over here…call me and I will take care of it. So how did things go with your lawyer? Did you hire him?"

Gemma sighed hearing about Clay. "Maybe he will settle down. I can take care of myself Jax. The meeting went good. I hired him and we talked about all of the assets and how they would be divided under community property so I will be okay." Gemma walked up to the door and used the new keys to unlock the door and headed inside.

"Well, that is good at least. Do you want me to hang around?" asked Jax.

"No, go and do whatever you need to do. I am going to get some rest. I am tired from the traveling and everything." said Gemma. She hugged Jax for longer than she normally did.

Jax gave her a concerned glance. "I love you ma." Jax walked out of the house and took off.

Gemma locked the door behind him and looked around at her large empty house. "Now what?" asked Gemma.


	5. Chapter 5

Gemma woke up to the sound of the garbage truck rumbling down the street. She yawned tiredly and looked over at the other side of the bed…Clay's side of the bed. This was her first night in their bed without him and it had been a difficult one. Her nights in Las Vegas had been different. There she was sleeping in a strange bed so it didn't seem so out of place to wake up alone. But here in the familiarity of her home she suddenly felt very alone. She missed waking up and seeing Clay's body next to her. Gemma missed waking up to his soft snoring in the middle of the night. The longer Gemma laid there looking at Clay's untouched side of the bed the harder it was to maintain her resolve.

She had promised herself that she would go into work today. She couldn't hide from her life any longer. It was time to face facts and face her new reality. She pulled herself out of the bed and went into the kitchen putting on a pot of coffee. She walked back into the bedroom and headed straight for the shower. She hoped that shower would help wash away some of the sadness. But even the bathroom contained memories. How many times had she and Clay made love in this very shower? How long had she badgered him to retile their shower and he had finally done it? It occurred to Gemma that every room in the house would be a painful reminder. She finished her shower and then brushed her teeth. As she was putting away the toothpaste she realized that Clay had left behind some of his injections. She would have to remember to take them to him.

Gemma went into her bedroom and looked for something to wear. She settled on a black leather skirt and turquoise colored tank top. She got dressed and looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She smirked at her reflection and said "Well, if I can't feel good at least I can look good."

Gemma walked into the kitchen and poured herself a cup of coffee and had something to eat for breakfast. After breakfast Gemma left the house and headed over to the office. She pulled onto the lot and parked going into her office. She looked around and saw that the office was a mess. Gemma opened the other door that led into the garage. "Juice!" yelled Gemma over the sound of tools in the garage.

Juice popped his head up from around a car and saw Gemma standing in the doorway with her hands of her hips. Juice wiped the grease off his hands and ran over. "Hi Gemma…I'm sorry about the office but with Piney and Tig in here…it actually looks better than it was a few days ago."

"Piney and Tig have been in here?" said Gemma. "I am lucky I can see the damn floor. Do you know where the work orders and the repo lists are?"

Juice searched the desk and found what she was asking for. He handed them to Gemma. "I am glad that you are back Gemma. It was crazy here without you. I…I should get back to work." said Juice with a smile. He walked back out of her office closing the door. Everyone in the club had a pretty good idea of what was going on between Clay and Gemma but it was better to act naïve.

Gemma watched him leave the office and then turned around looking at the mess of papers all over her desk and sticking out of the filing cabinets. Gemma got to work trying to clean up the office. It took her nearly an hour to get everything straightened out. She finally was able to have a seat at her desk and get to work.

Tig watched Gemma looking distracted in her office. Tig was well aware of Clay and Gemma's problems. He was Clay's best friend and he usually tried to help Clay out of trouble with Gemma which was surprising considering his own track record with women. Tig walked into Clay's office and said "Clay, Gemma is in her office…you should go and talk to her."

"I tried talking to her yesterday and she wanted me gone. She had a locksmith there changing the damn locks. I thought her going away for a few days would get her to…calm down and realize what we have. I don't think talking is going to do any good." said Clay.

"You got a good thing there with Gemma…if she means enough to you… you've got to fight for her. Make her realize she is better off with you than without you. Because if she figures out that she doesn't need you…you are screwed." said Tig. "Just offering my advice." said Tig getting up and heading back over to the garage.

Clay sat at his desk thinking over what Tig said. Clay was living in his own nightmare that he couldn't seem to wake up from. He was sleeping at his room at the club every night. Living out of the garbage bags that Gemma had stuffed his clothes into. He was eating crappy diner food every night. Worse yet Alexis was seeing his troubles with Gemma as her cue to pursue him and keeping her off of drugs was easier said than done. He pulled himself up out of his chair and walked out of his office. He made his way to Gemma's office over at the garage. He walked inside and closed the door behind him. "Hi baby…"

Gemma cleared her throat a little. "Hi Clay. How are you doing?"

"I'd be a hell of a lot better if I had been sleeping next to you last night. This life I am living here…damn it Gemma. I miss you and I want to come home. I know that I have hurt you and I am sorry for that. It was never my intention to hurt you…and I never cheated on you…at least not the way you think that I was. What do I have to do to make this right? I'll do whatever you want…give you whatever you want." Clay had a seat in the chair next to her desk. He reached over and took her hand. "Talk to me baby please."

"Give me whatever I want? You think that a gift is going to make this better Clay? You carried on a relationship with another woman. Not just sex but an actual relationship. And you were careless enough that you got her pregnant. Should I be worried about STDs? Should I be getting tested? And when you found out about this baby…instead of coming to me and telling me the truth you decided to lie to me. How can I trust anything that comes out of your mouth?" asked Gemma. "Now you want to talk?" asked Gemma snatching her hand away from him. "Where was the talking when all of this bullshit first got started?"

"I don't love her the way that I love you. I couldn't love her the way I love you. She was just…a steady lay while I was in Tacoma. Nothing serious. No you don't have to worry about STDs …" "Damn it Gemma you are talking to me like you don't even know who I am. You can trust me baby you should know that. I was trying to protect you. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you."

"I used to know that…but I don't know what I know anymore Clay. You have trusted me with terrible secrets…gruesome things that no one should ever have to know…but I was your wife and I was there for you. I wanted you to know that you could always tell me anything and I would be right there with you every step of the way no matter what sort of hell you found yourself in. When you went to jail I was here waiting for you. It drove me crazy being away from you. But I loved you so I was waiting. You shouldn't have to protect me from the truth." said Gemma.

"So what has changed? Why can't we find a way to be the way we were? All I want to do is come home and hold you in my arms baby." said Clay

"What has changed is that you lied to me. You kept the truth from me and this was actually something that concerned me. And the final straw was asking if you could move your junkie mistress into my home. That you would put that bitch's needs over mine is amazing to me. I don't begrudge your need to be there for your son. I think it is admirable. But how could you make Alexis…the moment you put Alexis' needs ahead of mine…is the moment when I knew we weren't okay anymore. I am going to have to walk around this damn town with everyone knowing my husband screwed some tart young enough to be my child and then moved her here! The whispers behind my back…the looks I will get from everyone. The looks from Tig today was enough to drive me up the wall. Poor Gemma…fuck being poor Gemma. I am no one's victim. And then you had the nerve to say that I never gave you a child. Are you dense or are you really just that insensitive? So I am supposed to forget my hurt, pain, and humiliation…and just let you come back home because that is what you want…well what about what I want? Of course I miss you…I love you. And that is what makes this worse…because I do love you. And being without you hurts so bad. But right now…being with you would hurt too. And if I am going to be in pain…I'd rather be alone."

Clay listened to her. He could tell how much he had hurt her. For the first time he saw passed the anger and looked into the hurt eyes of the woman he loved. He had broken her heart and he didn't know how to fix it. "Gemma, I was drunk that night I wasn't thinking straight. I know that moving Alexis into our home isn't something we could or would do. Everything was just crazy…you caught me off guard and we were fighting…I am sorry about slapping you…Everything was a blur for me that night and it all sort of got away from me…I am sorry for what I said about you not giving me a child. I understand why you didn't…I know how much losing Thomas hurt you." said Clay.

"Which goes back to the point I made that night…you've been drinking so much lately what is going on with you? You aren't yourself and you are making bad choices all around." said Gemma. "You haven't been right since Donna died."

"There is nothing that we can't fix if we are in this together Gemma. I need you baby…I am lost without you. You always said you'd be there for me…I don't want to lose you for forever. I won't make it without you." said Clay.

"Maybe we can be friends and work back to being where we need to be. We can't even work on us right now because…" Gemma trailed off looking out the window. She saw Alexis' strutting herself on the lot making sure to put extra wiggle in each step she took. Gemma just laughed at the absurdity of it all. "This life is the one you chose. I hope it makes you happy baby." "But I am not about to sit around waiting for you to decide that I am important." "I am going to go ahead and file for a legal separation."

Clay followed her gaze out the window and saw Alexis. "Son of a bitch…" Clay got up to head her off but he heard the words legal separation. "What the hell are you talking about Gemma?" asked Clay.

Alexis opened the door to Gemma's office. "Clay! I've been calling your cell phone…" Alexis put her hand on her hip. She was sporting cut off shorts and a red halter top. She moved in front of Clay so that she was standing in front of Gemma. "You must be Gemma. I've been waiting to meet you." said Alexis with a smirk. "It's nice to know what my competition is." She looked Gemma up and down. "Nice outfit Granny."

Clay saw the fire in Gemma's eyes and pulled Alexis back some so that Gemma wouldn't hit her. "Alexis you know damn well that there is not anything going on between the two of us and there hasn't been anything going on since you got pregnant. Don't make shit up."

"Well, it is only a matter of time before you realize that you need me so much more than this old hag….I can see myself now…the head lady of SAMCRO. You need someone young standing next to you." said Alexis with a smirk.

Gemma chuckled and grabbed Alexis by the hair and brought her in close. "Let me tell you something…cross me if you want to…I will hack you up into so many tiny pieces no one will be able to put you back together again and there won't be a damn thing anyone can do to save you…not even Clay." Gemma let Alexis' hair go and walked over picking up her purse. "You've really got a winner in her Clay… I am so happy for you. I hope she knows you have only a few years left before the arthritis makes your hands useless and you won't be president of the club anymore. If you can't ride…you can't lead. I hope she is as interested in you then." said Gemma. She walked toward the door like she was about to leave but first she turned around and punched Alexis in the face. "Stupid bitch." said Gemma and left her office. The punch sent Alexis to the ground with a bloody nose. Gemma could hear Clay's voice yelling at Alexis and alternately yelling for Gemma to come back. But she kept walking to her car. She climbed in and took off.


	6. Chapter 6

Gemma drove off of the Teller-Morrow lot more determined than ever. She was not about to let this situation break her. Gemma drove around the town in what seemed to be a circle she needed to clear her head and she wasn't sure how else to do it. As she drove through the town her lives flashed through her mind. Lives…yes that was appropriate. Gemma had lived three distinct lives in Charming. The life she lived with Clay, the life she had lived with John and their children, and the beginning of her life. She had been born and raised there until she ran away from it at the age of 16. Back then she felt like the little town was suffocating her. She needed to break free and now here she was in her 50's feeling the same way. She was ready to break free and get away from the little town that she loved so much.

After awhile Gemma realized where she was driving she may have taken the long way there but she always seemed to end up there on this day…the anniversary. What a sad thing to commemorate but she couldn't stop herself. Gemma stopped off at a florist and picked up flowers and a small gift. She got back into her car and continued to drive to the painful destination. At times Gemma would try to stop herself from going to this place knowing that it would only intensify her pain. But maybe that was what she needed…sometimes her heart could become so cold that she needed to feel something real. And there was nothing more real than loss.

Gemma parked in the parking lot looking at her destination. She was at the cemetery. How many times had she come to this very spot with pain in her heart? Gemma got out of the car and closed the door. She looked up seeing clouds forming overhead. She frowned seeing that it was going to rain soon. Gemma walked through the cemetery going to a spot that was all too familiar to her. She stood in front of her son's grave and rested her hand on his cold headstone. She looked down at some old flowers that she had left at his grave. She bent down and swept away the debris with her hands and then set down then sunflowers she had bought at the florist along with a small teddy bear.

"Thomas…my sweet little fair haired boy…there isn't a day that my heart doesn't ache for you. I've missed you since the day you closed your eyes for the last time but lately I have started to miss you even more. . And the pain I feel from missing you has only gotten worse lately. I suppose it always happens this time of year. You and Jackson are the best things I have ever done with my life and I love you so much. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't wish I could have taken your place…it is 20 years to the day since I lost you. And it makes me think what you would be like…26 years old and causing me all sorts of trouble just like your big brother. You and Jackson are the most precious gifts I have ever received and I will always cherish every moment I was able to spend with you."

Gemma stood there watching the sky darken more as heavy clouds rolled in from the south. Thunder clapped in the distance and Gemma could hear the crackle of lightning in the air. Somehow this particular storm seemed appropriate for what she was feeling. Gemma knew that she should head home before it started to rain but she just couldn't bring herself to do it instead she stood there and quietly sang "You are my sunshine…my only sunshine….you make me happy when skies are gray." Gemma's voice cracked as tears slipped down her cheeks. She hastily wiped them away. "You'll never know dear…how much I love you…please don't take my sunshine…." Gemma paused getting too choked up to continue singing the song. "Away…"managed Gemma after regaining her composure. Gemma put her hand to her lips and then pressed her hand onto his headstone.

As she was standing there Gemma felt a hand placed on her shoulder. "I thought I might find you here...when I didn't find you at home. 20 years is a long time but it seems more like yesterday. You know sometimes I look at Abel and he reminds me so much of Tommy especially when he gets that little grin on his face." said Jax.

"Abel does look a lot like your brother. But then again Thomas looked just like you did when you were a baby. And both of you were the spitting image of your father. I used to joke with John that he couldn't have denied the two of you if he wanted to. I used to wonder what the two of you got from me…and then Thomas got sick and I realized…that I gave you two my putrid genes…the family flaw…" said Gemma.

"We got a lot of things from you. You are the one who taught me how to survive in this world and you loved both of us with all of your heart. There is no doubt in mind that you would give anything in this world to keep me happy and safe. People can say a lot of things about you…but they can't call you a bad mother. But you can't feel guilty forever…it'll kill you." said Jax.

"How can I not feel guilty…you are supposed to protect your children from any pain…and I am the source of my children's pain and the pain that will be visited upon your children. I pray every night that the twins that Tara is caring won't have the fatal flaw…that they escape my genetics because...if one of my grandchildren died the way Thomas did…I think it just might send me over the edge….." said Gemma.

"I know a thing or two about guilt. I wondered through my teenage years why Thomas had died and not me. What makes my condition less severe than his and I felt guilty for surviving. I was his big brother…I was supposed to protect him from everything this world could throw at him. But here I stand…and there he lies." said Jax.

Gemma looked at her son never knowing that he had carried so much guilty. "Oh…baby. You can't feel guilty about that…it is luck of the draw…it could have been either of you. Thomas loved you so much…he looked up to you…he wanted to be just like you which scared the hell out of me because you were a first class badass. Hell, he started crawling early because of you…I remember one I had him laying on a blanket on the floor and you were there playing with him. But then Mary brought Opie over and you two took off for your room to play. I looked away for just a minute and the next thing I knew Tommy is scooting himself through the damn house." Gemma laughed. "I had no idea where the hell he was going so I decided to follow him... and sure enough he scooted himself down the hall trying to follow you and Opie. From then on I just put him in his walker and let him go for it."

"If I can't feel guilty about surviving then you can't feel guilty either. He was a great little bother…annoyed me just the way he was supposed to. When he was sick in the hospital I used to beg you and dad to let me go visit him every day. Tommy used to love to make you smile…he wouldn't want you here crying over him…" said Jax.

"You are right about that…he was always doing something silly and making me and your father crack up…especially once he learned his first knock-knock joke. He told that joke as much as he could…he thought he was so funny." said Gemma laughing softly. She looked up feeling raindrops falling onto her. "Looks like the sky is about to open up and pour down on us. I should head home."

"You don't want to come back to the office? Finish the day out? She won't be coming back there…Clay made it very clear to her…" said Jax. He was worried about how Gemma was taking all of this. She was trying to seem like herself but she definitely wasn't. He couldn't tell if it was just the grief of losing Thomas that was compounding on the issue or was it something more.

Gemma said "My son…always appealing to my better nature…I am going to go to work. But if I see her…I will rip limb from limb…" She hugged Jax. "I am glad to see you come out here to visit Thomas every once in awhile. You are still a good big brother." She kissed his cheek and made her way back to her car as the rain started to come down.

Jax stood at Thomas's grave for a minute and took a toy fire engine out of his pocket and set it on the grave. "I am going to take care of her Tommy…I'll make sure mom is okay." Jax jogged over to the repo truck and drove toward the club.

Gemma was still sitting in her car when Jax headed back to the club. She wanted to go back to work but she couldn't bring herself to do it at the moment. She resolved that she would go the next day. Gemma called the office letting Tig know she wouldn't be back today. Gemma drove herself home and hopped out of the car making a dash for the door. She unlocked the door and headed inside. Although she had been quick she was still soaked. Gemma went into her bedroom and stripped out of her wet clothes. She went and took a hot shower to warm herself up and then pulled on a pair of shorts and a tank top. She started looking through the closet in one of the spots that Clay hid his money. She pulled up a loose floorboard and start pulling out cash wrapped in newspaper. She looked through the closet for something to put the money in and grabbed a nearby box. She loaded all of the money into the box and carried it over to the bed.

Gemma dumped the box on her bed and the money fell out but something from the bottom of the box fell on top of the money. She realized it was the manuscript of John's book that she had stolen from Jax some time ago. Gemma turned on the lamp on her bedside table because it was dark from the storm. She put on her reading glasses. Gemma ran her fingers over the singed edges of the tattered book and took in a breath thinking about John and the pain he had been feeling when he had written his book. She read the title quietly out loud to herself "The Life and Death of Sam Crow: How the Sons of Anarchy Lost Their Way"

Gemma finally made herself open the tattered pages of the manuscript and the first thing that caught her eye was the dedication John had written. He had dedicated the book to Jax and Thomas. That made her smile just a little. Gemma had read parts of the book in the past especially after the rape. It was like having John right there talking her through one of the worst times of her life. Good or bad times John had always been the man she could count on. She flipped through the book her fingers tracings the fire singed pages. She stopped when her eyes ran across a page she had dog eared the last time she had read it. Gemma read aloud. "When relationships become a ledger of profit and loss, you have no friends, no loved ones, just pluses and minuses. You are absolutely alone." Gemma chuckled at the irony of that statement because here she was very much alone.

Jax arrived back at the club and realized that Gemma hadn't made it back to the garage yet. He walked over to the office and walked in seeing Tig at the desk. Jax asked. "Did my mom come in?"

Tig shook his head. "She called and said she would be here tomorrow…wasn't feeling well."

Jax said "Thanks…" Jax walked out of the office and over to the club. He saw Juice and went over to him. "I need a favor Juice."

"Sure…what do you need Jax?" asked Juice.

"I want you to find out where Clay's chick is staying. I want an address by the end of the day and don't tell me you can't find it because I know you can." said Jax. Juice was the club's intelligence officer and he could find just about anything you were looking for and more.

"Jax…man Clay will flip if he finds out…I don't want to get involved." said Juice.

"Listen you do this for me and if Clay has a problem with it he can take it up with me. I want that address by the end of the day." said Jax walking off.


	7. Chapter 7

Jax finished his work day not saying much to anyone. Whenever Clay walked into the garage the tension between the two of them was palpable. As the work day was ending Clay walked over to talk to Jax. But Jax made a beeline in the other direction. He was a man on a mission. He needed that address from Juice. Jax had formulated a plan to get rid of Alexis…one way or another.

Clay said "Jax…for the good of the club we need to come to some understanding. The last thing the club needs is another feud to tear it apart."

Jax stopped walking knowing that Clay was partially right. He walked back over and said "So?"

"So we've got to find a way to at least be civil son…more like you have to find a way to be civil. I know all of this has gotten you upset. But this fight is between me and your mother. It doesn't have anything to do with you. But we don't need another rift going through the club because people will start choosing sides again. We need to do what is best for the club." said Clay.

"You are crazy if you think this doesn't have anything to do with me. My mother took off for ten days…because of you…and what you did. What are you doing to fix it?" asked Jax. "Everyone saw Alexis walk onto this lot today…and then mom leaves and doesn't come back. You are the one that screwed up but she is the one wearing the shame and humiliation…listen...I hope you two can figure things out and work it out. But in the mean time I am going to look out for my mother. This means if you can't clean up your little problem then I will. You don't think everyone already knows what is going on and what side they are on? You need to get your head out of the sand. Do you even realize what today is?" asked Jax shaking his head.

Clay could tell this was not going to be easy. He stood there thinking about what Jax meant about the day.

Jax walked over to Juice who was sitting at the bar in the club. Jax sat on the barstool next to him. "Do you have what I asked for?" asked Jax looking at Juice.

Juice nodded and slid a scrap of paper over to Jax. With his hand still resting on the scrap of paper Juice asked "And Clay won't know where you got the address from right?"

"If he asks me I will tell him the man in the moon gave it to me. Thanks for this." said Jax getting off the barstool and clapping Juice on the back.

"You are welcome…you know how we all feel about Gemma…she's like a surrogate mother to most of us…" said Juice. Juice paused and said "I also found out…Alexis is a…two time felon…"

"I know man…and so does she. Two time felon? Why don't you find out some more about her for me." said Jax. Jax walked out of the club and over to one of the repo trucks.

He drove to his house first and got out going inside of the house. He went for his safe and unlocked it taking out some cash. He stuffed it into a bag and then left back out.

Jax drove to Stockton and looked for the address of the house. He spotted the house and pulled up into the driveway. There was no car in the driveway so Jax went around to the back off the house and broke in through the back door. He had a seat on the couch with his feet up on the coffee table and waited on Alexis to make it back. He drank a beer and smoked a cigarette.

Alexis walked through the door at 8:00 that night without the baby. She had seen the truck outside and expected to see Bobby sitting there. She paused seeing Jax and closed the front door. "You must be Jax…" "What can I do for you?" asked Alexis. She was sizing him up thinking that Jax might just be a trade up from Clay. "Looking for anything in particular?" asked Alexis with a sexy smirk.

"Sit down and shut up...I will not repeat myself too many times so listen up." said Jax in a calm voice lighting up another cigarette.

"This is my house and I don't have to do anything I don't want to do. So you can tell me what you want or you can get out of my house. Or better yet I can call Clay and let him know that you are harassing me. I am sure that would go over great." said Alexis with attitude.

Jax puffed out a cloud of smoke from his cigarette. "Sit your ass down or I will sit you down." Jax stood up giving her a menacing glare. Jax wasn't into hitting women but he might shake her up a bit to get his point across.

Alexis was going to say something rude but there was something in his voice that let her know that it might not be the best time. She sat across from Jax and said "Okay…fine I am sitting…what do you want from me?"

Jax took a drag off of his cigarette and said "I am going to give you two choices. I don't really care which of the two choices you choose…but you will pick one and you only have a week to make the choice. Choice 1…you go to rehab for 90 days and when you get out…you move up to San Francisco. It is about 100 miles from Charming. If Clay is really that interested in seeing his kid he will make sure he gets up there."

Alexis went to argue with him.

"Maybe you didn't understand the shut up part?" asked Jax with a near growl.

The tone of his voice silenced her. She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at Jax. She was angry and more than that she was scared.

"Choice 2…you take the money in this bag and you walk away and don't look back. There is 4,000 dollars in this bag. It is enough for you to pick up and leave. Or buy enough drugs to kill yourself…I really don't care what you do with the money as long as you disappear and never show your face in Charming again. You should just be a figment of everyone's imaginations." said Jax.

"Where do you get off coming in here making demands? My relationship with Clay has nothing to do with you. It was only a matter of time before he decided he needed someone younger…more beautiful…more...adventurous in bed…if it wasn't me then it would have been someone else. I just happened to have hit the jackpot by getting pregnant by him." said Alexis.

"The jackpot? Somehow I don't think that you got pregnant by luck of the draw. But I really don't care how you came to be here…I care about what happens from this day forward. You have two choices…well I guess we can say there is a third option." said Jax.

Alexis rolled her eyes. "What is the third option?"

"You know…I have a lot of connections…a lot of friends. It would not be very hard for you to get caught with a large quantity of drugs in your car one day while you are driving. I wonder how sexy you'd look in an orange jumpsuit?" asked Jax.

Alexis' eyes widened. "You wouldn't do that! You couldn't do that! Clay would never allow it."

Jax chuckled and said "I could and would do that. All it takes is one phone call and it can be done. And trust me…I will do it. I don't personally believe in killing women. So I would leave you alive…but I don't know how much of a life you would have up in Sanwa Women's Correctional…" "You have a week to decide what you want. I better hear from you by then or I will make my own decisions about how to handle you." Jax got up picking up the bag and headed for the door. "By the way…if I see you on the lot again...you won't like what happens." Jax walked out of Alexis' house and went out to the repo truck. He drove off back to Charming. He pulled onto the lot and parked the truck getting out. Jax was walking over to his bike when he saw movement out of the corner of his eye.

There was Clay striding toward him. "Where do you get off threatening Alexis?" Clay said "Maybe we don't understand one another. I told you to stay out of the situation between me and your mother and you go out and threaten Alexis!"

"I didn't threaten her. I gave her three options. She can leave of her own free will or I will make her leave. What happened today on this lot will not happen again. My mother has every right to be here and shouldn't have to leave because your whore shows up and makes a scene. And really it is better if I handle Alexis before mom comes out of this depression about Thomas' death and decides to kill Alexis." said Jax.

"Just let me handle my situation! I am going to talk to Alexis about being here it will not happen again." said Clay.

Bobby and Tig were watching the exchange from the window of the garage. Heated words were exchanged and then there was a shove and then a punch.

The next thing anybody knew Jax and Clay were fighting one another and what started off as a fight soon turned into a death match.

Tig, Bobby, and Opie entered the fray pulling the two of them apart from one another.

"You better keep him away from me!" yelled Clay.

"Yeah right old man! You keep it up and I will retire your ass early!" said Jax.

Opie said "Come on Jax…let's just get out of here…"

Jax said "Yeah…I'll leave." Jax walked off putting on his helmet and got onto his motorcycle riding off the lot.

Clay walked off kicking over a trash can. Clay had hurt his hand in the process of the fight. His arthritis was getting worse because he hadn't been taking his medication like he should. He shook his head. He was losing his wife and his step-son. Clay wondered how he had gotten himself in the place he was in right now. He headed into the club to his room where Half-Sack had been keeping an eye on Sean for him. "Thanks kid." said Clay to Half-Sack.

Half-Sack nodded and left the room.

Clay had a seat on his bed and looked over at Sean asleep in his portable crib. "Enjoy the peace while you are young son…it doesn't last forever." said Clay. Clay kicked off his boots and laid back in his bed and closed his eyes for a moment. Clay had been asleep for ten minutes when Sean started to cry. Clay sat up with a groan. Was this his new life? Taking care of Sean by himself? Living alone without Gemma? Sitting there caring for Sean made Clay more resolved than ever to get Gemma back. He was going to figure out how to do that if it killed him.


	8. Chapter 8

The next couple of days went by in a blur. Gemma was getting her house in order literally. She didn't go into work because she was spending most of her days searching the house for money and changing the house around. If she was going to start a new life she wanted to start it on the right foot. She decided to wait until the next week to go back to work. But she wasn't being a recluse. Gemma was out and about every day in town. She was going out to enjoy dinner with friends. She had even helped Elliot out by taking Tristan shopping in Stockton for a dress. The beginnings of whispers were starting to form about what was going on with Gemma and Clay. Gemma was getting all too familiar looks when she went in certain places. Gemma just kept her head held high and continued living her life. That included going to an event that the whole town was sure to attend. Elliot Oswald was hosting a huge party on his property to gain more support for his campaign for mayor of Charming.

Gemma arrived at the party as it was getting into full swing. She had ridden to the party with Jax and Tara because she intended to enjoy as many beers as she pleased that night. It was dark outside but Elliot had tiki torches out to light up the place. The smell of BBQ wafted through the air and music played over the speakers. Most of the guys from the club where there but Clay wasn't there. She got herself a beer and listened to the music playing and swayed a bit. As she moved her black, cotton, summer dress moved with her.

Elliot walked over to Gemma. "I am glad to see that you came tonight. I was wondering if you would. How are you holding up? I've been meaning to stop by and see you but this election has me running to keep up." "Oh and thank you again for taking Tristan dress shopping for me…I tried but…it was like we were speaking two different languages."

"There is no way I'd miss a good party. Besides I decided that hiding out from the public just makes the rumors worse. Everyone in town knows that Clay doesn't live at the house anymore. Everyone just isn't so sure why. Looks like you are going to have a good turnout…but then again who would pass up free booze and bar-b-que?" asked Gemma. She laughed and said "She is a teenage girl and you are her father. Of course you two are speaking two different languages."

"I know all about the rumor mill. Trust me it will die down when something more interesting starts happening. I am glad to see you here as a friend. But I am also glad to have you here as a supporter. The election is soon…I need this last push for the polls. There is a lot of good I want to do for Charming including revamping that old park." said Elliot.

"Your family has been here for a long time. The Oswald name is a respected one. You don't need any extra pushes. The people of Charming are going to choose the right man for the job. Even a blind man can see that Jacob Hale is just waiting to be able to throw open the doors of our little town to investors and whatever other money deal he can come up with. If we let him the entire town could be sold right from under us. That stunt he tried to pull to get you to sell your land…you can't be the only person he has tried to trick. You've just got to remind people of that. The park? I used to love that park as a kid and I loved taking Jax and Thomas there…they used to have a ball…" said Gemma. Gemma's smile faded somewhat thinking about Thomas.

Elliot laughed and said "Maybe you should be running for mayor. You've got your platform all set up and everything." He saw Gemma's expression change. "Are you okay?" asked Elliot putting an arm around her.

She laughed and said "I've got too many enemies for that. But I do know that you have the best interests of our town at heart and that is what matters to me. This is my home and I don't want to see it changed by major corporations…" "Oh yeah…I am fine…just thinking about Tommy playing at that park…this week was the 20th anniversary of his death…it has been a hard week."

"I am sorry Gemma…I didn't realize." said Elliot. He saw the sadness in her eyes and for a moment he forgot they were in the middle of half of the town. He pulled Gemma into a tight hug.

Gemma returned his hug as the band started playing and Gemma chuckled looking at Elliot. "I think that is your cue to go and talk to the crowd. Talk to them now while they are eating…they can't run off." joked Gemma laughing. She pulled back.

Elliot winked at her and said "Good idea. Thanks Gemma." He squeezed her hand and headed up onto the stage and started speaking to the crowd.

The party went on for another 2 hours before everyone started leaving.

Gemma chuckled when everyone was gone except for the cleaning crew. "They were like a swarm of locusts." "They came in and ate all of your food and drank all of your booze and left. But I heard a lot of positive things from the people in the crowd. I think you may have this election won."

"Let's hope that secures me their votes." said Elliot. "Thanks for staying behind…I thought you were going to leave when Jax did. What did you think of my speech? Was it boring?"

"Well, Tara wasn't feeling good but I wanted to stay for the rest of the party. I had a lot of fun actually. I talked to some people I had not talked to in awhile. Besides I told Jax if I couldn't get a ride home from you I would call him." said Gemma. "Your speech was amazing…it was real and genuine and heartfelt…three things that Jacob Hale hasn't been his entire life." said Gemma with a laugh. "I think you are going to take this thing."

Elliot smiled and said "Thank you for saying that Gemma. Well, are you ready for me to take you home?"

Gemma nodded and said "Where is Tristan?" "I am definitely ready to go home. I had one too many beers…well a few too many and now I am sleepy." Gemma laughed and said "I stopped counting after 7 drinks." "But it helped me not look at people giving me the look." "You know that look…oooh poor woman…her husband left her." said Gemma laughing.

Elliot said "Tristan went home with her friend Grace for the night. She is growing up too fast for me. Everyone in this town has a secret…everyone has skeletons in their closet. That is the thing to remember when you see people staring at you. What is it in their own life that they would rather hide?" Elliot walked with her to his car and opened the door for her.

Gemma chuckled and said "They all grow up too fast. Well, that is true. You know Leslie Wallace's husband left her for a stripper." Gemma climbed into the car.

Elliot climbed into the car and chuckled. "I did not know that. She is one of the biggest gossip mongers in town. She was one of the first people to tell me how sorry she was that Karen had left me for a younger man." Elliot started up the car and drove Gemma home.

"Oh yeah she tried to keep it really quiet. But I found out because the stripper is a friend of one of the girls that works out at Caracara and she told everyone out there. She loves to pretend that she has a perfect life…" said Gemma laughing.

Elliot said "Well, hell you learn something new every day."

The two of them rode in silence over to Gemma's house. Elliot pulled up in Gemma's driveway and drove around to the back knowing she liked to go into the back door. He got out of the car. "I want to make sure you make it in okay. You are more than a little tipsy."

Gemma laughed and said "Thank you for that…" Gemma walked up to the door and unlocked it. "Do you want to stay awhile…and talk?" Gemma had been missing human conversation for awhile and it was easy talking to Elliot.

"Sure I'd like that. Most of my days have been talking about the election or talking about work…or talking to my lawyer about my ex-wife." said Elliot following Gemma into the house.

"Do you want anything to drink? I know you are a scotch man…" said Gemma chuckling.

"I could settle for vodka if you have it." said Elliot.

"I definitely have vodka…as a tribute to the Russian in me." said Gemma. She grabbed the bottle of vodka and two glasses and said "Let's go sit outside…it is a nice night." Gemma led the way out to the backyard where she had a porch swing set up. She had a seat on the swing with Elliot. "You know…I really do hope you win…I can't imagine a better person to take care of this town." Gemma poured both of them a glass of vodka and then set the bottle between them. She handed him his glass.

"Well, I appreciate that coming from you. I have to admit when I first decided to run it was for selfish reasons. I was pissed about Jacob trying to hustle me out of my properties…but once I was in it I realized that I wasn't the only person I was fighting for. All of the mom and pop stores here in town would cease to exist if Jacob had his way…people like Floyd that have spent their whole life here serving this town." said Elliot refilling his glass and Gemma's.

Gemma laughed and said "I've seen the haircuts Floyd has been giving lately. He still has it…you'd think after all of these years he would have retired…I know I would retire at his age. I would be relaxing or doing something else."

"You know old men…they are too stubborn to change. Floyd will be cutting hair and giving hot shaves until the day he dies and he wouldn't have it any other way. Hell Floyd is the one that gave me my first haircut as a boy. To be truthful he cut my hair today." said Elliot.

"It is sort of like a rite of passage…I took Jax and Tommy there too. Floyd would always give them candy once he was done cutting their hair…" said Gemma. Gemma looked at his haircut and smiled. "Nice haircut…I see you skipped the hot shave." Gemma refilled their glasses that were empty again.

"Well, I figured the scruffy look makes me look more distinguished. You know…I was thinking about if I get elected…I want to renovate the park so the new generation of kids can enjoy it like we did…and like our kids did…I think with the renovation it should be dedicated to Thomas. I mean it is something the council would have to vote on but…"

Gemma cut off Elliot. "The fact that you even thought of it…is enough for me. Thank you Elliot. I've really been struggling this week…with it being the anniversary of his death and it has been twice as hard going through it essentially alone…" Gemma looked at Elliot and without warning kissed him on the lips.

The kiss caught Elliot off guard. He returned Gemma's kiss moving his fingers up into her hair feeling the silky locks float through his fingers. He hadn't kissed a woman since Karen had left him.

A neighbor's dog barking startled both of them and they both pulled back from the kiss looking a little dazed and flustered…or maybe just drunk.

Elliot said "Gemma…I am sorry about that."

"You don't have to apologize…I am the one that kissed you." said Gemma. "And I liked it." added Gemma shaking her head. "I think we've both had a little too much to drink tonight."

"Well, it isn't like you forced the kiss on me…I enjoyed it…you are a beautiful, smart, funny woman Gemma…" said Elliot. His thumb lightly caressed her cheek. He leaned in and kissed her. After the kiss he said "I should probably head home for the night…" His brain was screaming for him to leave this place but his libido had other ideas.

Gemma nodded and said "That is probably a good idea…" Gemma stood up from the swing and walked into the house with Elliot.

Elliot opened the door to leave but looked back at Gemma standing there in her black, spaghetti strap, summer dress. One of the straps had slightly slid from her shoulder. Elliot closed the door and walked over to Gemma taking her into his arms and kissing her again. "Maybe I don't have to leave just yet." said Elliot pushing her back against the door and moving his hands to caress her body. Elliot knew he was playing with fire. This was Clay's wife and he wouldn't hesitate to kill Elliot. But at the moment logic was escaping Elliot. Elliot moved back only slightly to pull Gemma's dress from her body. His eyes took in her mostly nude form. "You look…beautiful." said Elliot against her ear. He tried to unsnap her bra but was having a hard time.

Gemma laughed a little. "You are out of practice…" Gemma reached behind her and unhooked her bra with ease.

Watching Gemma take off her bra lit a fire in Elliot and he grabbed her pulling Gemma to him. The two melted into one another. They walked and half stumbled into the bedroom stripping off each other's clothes along the way.

Three hours and three intense rounds of passionate sex later Gemma and Elliot laid next to one another in the guest room. Elliot said "I think I am too old for sex three times in one night. I think you might have given me a mild heart attack. I definitely saw the light." Elliot looked over at Gemma and lightly ran his fingertip over the scar on her chest that was from her heart surgery. "You know…you are beautiful…I've always thought so…dangerous and beautiful."

Gemma laughed softly and said "Really, because I was taking it easy on you. You definitely kept up though…and I am very happy. I don't think I've gone two weeks without sex in years…" She smiled at him when he said that she was beautiful. "It took me awhile not to cringe when someone saw that scar…but now it is a part of me. I've gotten so used to it…it is like it was always there. Who me? Dangerous?" It was nice to see the desire in Elliot's eyes. Clay taking up with a woman so much younger than her had definitely been hard on her ego.

Elliot laughed and said "Oh you were taking it easy on me? That isn't what it sounded like to me. You probably woke up the whole neighborhood." Elliot chuckled and said "Yes you…you were always dangerous…I knew you were going to be trouble even when you were a kid. Even if you didn't do something wrong you were good at manipulating others into doing your bidding."

Gemma laughed and said "What can I say…I am loud when I am enjoying myself…and I was definitely enjoying myself…" She kissed his cheek and listened to him talk. "I was not manipulating anyone…I was simply convincing them to do what I wanted to do…it is a good trait to have. One you will need as mayor."

Elliot laughed and said "There is nothing wrong with loud…I like it…lets me know I am doing the job right." Well, if I need help manipul….convincing people once I am in office I will be sure to give you a call for tips."

"Trust me if you were doing the job wrong I would tell you…if I am not happy…no one is happy. You definitely…made me feel very good…" said Gemma laughing. "Convincing people is a gift what can I say…" Gemma looked at the clock and said "It is three in the morning…you are going to have to leave soon or someone is going to spot you doing the walk of shame to your car…" "You will have a scandal on your hands before you even get into office."

"If I even lived until election day…somehow I do not think that Clay would care much about the two of you being separated." said Elliot.

Gemma chuckled and said "You are right about that…he has the tendency to be possessive."

"I would be too if you were my wife…you are a hell of a woman Gemma. And I am not just talking about the sex." said Elliot seriously.

"Well, you are a good man Elliot and a good friend..." said Gemma. "I going to go make you some coffee...make sure you are sober enough for the drive home." said Gemma. She got out of the bed and slipped out of the room and over to her bedroom. She grabbed a robe and then went into the bathroom washing her face. She looked at herself in the mirror and chuckled slightly. What had she just done? Gemma dried off her face and went to the kitchen started up a pot of coffee.

Elliot grabbed a shower and wrapped a towel around his waist. He walked through the house collecting his discarded clothing and Gemma's. Elliot got dressed and walked into the kitchen. "I hope you don't mind I took a shower."

"Not at all…you got pretty sweaty." said Gemma laughing and pouring a cup of coffee for him. She saw him holding her clothes and the dry towel he had dried off with. "Here let me take those." Gemma took them and dropped them off in the laundry room.

Elliot had a seat at the table drinking the cup of coffee. The two of them chatted quietly before it was time for Elliot to leave. "I think I feel okay to drive. Thank you for…"

Gemma cut him off. "Do not thank me for the sex…"

He laughed and said "I was going to thank you for the coffee…"

Gemma laughed softly and said "Okay. You are welcome." Gemma walked Elliot to the door. "Goodnight Elliot."

"Goodnight Gemma." said Elliot. He leaned down and kissed her cheek but said "What the hell." He kissed her lips and then left the house.

Gemma watched him get into his car and drive away.


	9. Chapter 9

Gemma woke up around 9:00 the next morning having only had a few hours of sleep. She laid there in the bed feeling more relaxed than she had in two weeks. She still couldn't believe that she had actually had sex with Elliot Oswald. Sure he was easy on the eyes and he was a good man but he was also a straight laced man. And the outlaw type had always been her type. Gemma may have been drinking like a fish the night before but she remembered every detail of their tryst and she had to admit it was amazing. But as good as she felt she also felt a nagging sense of guilt in the back of her head. Clay was still her husband for the time being and she still loved him.

As she laid there thinking about everything she heard the doorbell ring. She sat up in the bed and looked at the clock and groaned slightly. Gemma was sporting a headache from all of the drinking the previous night. She got out of the bed wearing a pair of black lounge pants and a tank top and headed to the door tiredly. Gemma looked out the peephole first to see who it was. In the last couple of days Clay had made it a habit to show up at different times of the day to try to see her and every time she hadn't bothered to answer the door. When she looked out she saw that it was a delivery person. Gemma opened the door. "Good Morning."

"Good morning. Are you Mrs. Morrow?" asked the delivery guy.

Gemma nodded and said "Yes, I am."

"I have a delivery for you. I can sit these inside for you if you like." said the delivery guy holding two large vases of flowers. One was two dozen of roses the other was two dozen long stem calla lilies.

"That would be great actually." said Gemma moving out of the way to let him into the house. "Please sit the flowers right there on the table." said Gemma motioning to the console table by the front door.

The delivery guy walked into the house and set both of the vases on the table. "I left something else in the truck." He walked back out of the house and jogged over to his truck. He came back with a box. "Here you go ma'am. Have a good day."

Gemma closed the door and opened the package. She chuckled realizing it was a five pound assortment of chocolates. She took the card off of the flowers and read it.

_Dear Gemma,_

_You are an amazing woman and I had an amazing time last night. I would like to take you to dinner or make you dinner sometime. _

_E.O._

Gemma chuckled and said "Oh yeah…I've still got it." Gemma chuckled and carried the chocolates into the kitchen and started up some coffee. She ate a piece of chocolate as she waited for the coffee to get ready. She was about to sit down when she heard the doorbell. Gemma went to the door and looked out the peephole and saw that it was Jax.

She unlocked the door and said "I am going to have to give you the spare key darlin." "Come on in." said Gemma moving to let him into the house. "I have such a headache."

Jax chuckled looking at her. "A key would be nice. I wanted to come by and make sure you made it home safely last night. You didn't call me to say you made it in. How much did you drink last night?" asked Jax closing the door behind him. He was surprised that she had a hangover Gemma was known for being able to handle her liquor.

Gemma laughed and said "I am sorry Jax. I got a little sidetracked last night. At the party or when I made it back here last night? I might have overdone it just a little bit. But the important thing is that I had a good time so I cannot complain. I am just getting up so the coffee isn't quite ready yet. Do you want a cup?"

Jax said "Yeah, coffee would be good." He had a seat at the table and looked at the chocolate. He whistled and said "Damn how much chocolate do you need? Is this from Clay?" Jax opened the box and ate a few pieces.

Gemma raised an eyebrow and said "Mind your own business or you don't get to eat any of the chocolate. It is from someone else...but it'd do you just fine to keep your mouth closed about it. Why aren't you at work anyway?" Gemma poured coffee for both of them and brought it over to the table.

Jax quirked an eyebrow at her. "So I am guessing those big ass flowers in the living room aren't from Clay either?"

Gemma grabbed the box of chocolate.

Jax reached for it and said "Okay okay no more questions." He popped another chocolate into his mouth. "I was actually coming by for another reason too. Clay asked me to come by and see if you were okay…he said he's been calling you…trying to talk to you and you haven't been answering the phone or the door for him. I am not saying you should forgive him…but at least hear him out."

"I don't really want to talk to Clay right now. That is why I haven't been in to work. It is too much right now and I don't feel like dealing with it. It isn't worth it to me…the same old bullshit is what he is going to say but nothing with real substance. He loves me, he needs me. Well, I need things too. I need to not be the laughingstock of this town. I needed for a skinny junkie not to have her hooks into my husband. I need to be able to trust the man I have been married to for 17 years. I'll get around to talking to Clay but for right now…I just need some time for myself." said Gemma as the phone rang. She said "Let me get the phone." She got up and walked over to the phone "Hello?"

"Good morning Gemma…I was wondering if you got the flowers and the candy. I didn't know what kind of flowers you liked so I went with roses and calla lilies." said Elliot.

Gemma smiled hearing his voice. She stepped out of the kitchen with the phone. "Yes, I got them and they are beautiful. Lucky for you I love roses and calla lilies. And the candy is delicious it is currently my breakfast. I hope you didn't send them from here in Charming…the whole town will know by the evening…including Clay."

Elliot laughed and said "I am glad to hear that you liked them. It took me a long time to pick them out for you. I am smarter than that. I ordered from a florist in Stockton…so are you going to take me up on my dinner date offer?"

"Is this your way of thanking me for sex?" asked Gemma laughing.

"No, I am not thanking you…though I have not had a night like that since I was a young man. I was just thinking two old friends could get together and have a meal…" said Elliot.

"Well, how about we have dinner together the next time you are available." said Gemma.

"I am available tonight…don't worry no strings attached…it doesn't have to be about sex. Where would you like to have dinner?" asked Elliot.

"I am tempted to see these cooking skills you speak of…and if we go out in public someone is bound to spot the two of us together. Bad for you…why don't you come over here and cook for me." said Gemma.

"Then it is a date. I will see you tonight at 8:00?" asked Elliot.

"8:00 it is…I will see you tonight…oh and about those strings you mentioned…is it still considered strings if I want it too. Goodbye Elliot." said Gemma hanging up. She turned to walk back in the kitchen and saw Jax standing there at the door.

"Elliot? As in Elliot Oswald?" asked Jax.

"As in mind your own business Jackson. I am essentially a single woman free to do whatever I choose. Listen, I love that you are worried about me. But I can take care of myself. How long were you standing there anyway?" said Gemma. Gemma wasn't exactly comfortable with Jax overhearing her conversation.

"And if Clay finds out about this? He will flip his lid. Anyway that is what I was coming over here to tell you. Clay wants to talk to you and he is getting tweaked out the longer he goes and doesn't hear from you…not long I walked up when you said Goodbye Elliot." said Jax.

"Fine…tell Clay that I will talk to him tomorrow morning before work. I will get there early before the guys get there. We can talk all he wants. But I am not guaranteeing anything Jax." said Gemma chuckling.

Jax nodded and said "I am not asking you to, I am just asking you to talk to him he's worried about you…do you want me to be there tomorrow morning in case?"

"I don't need you to be there I will be fine. Clay and I are capable of a civil conversation." said Gemma. That was only partly true. She and Clay were like fire and dynamite. They were hot and combustible together which was a good and bad thing. They had a deep and intense love but that also meant that when they fought…they went for blood.

Jax nodded and said "Alright, so you aren't coming into work today?"

"No, I am going to rest today. I've got a hangover and I am tired. But I will be there tomorrow…no more slacking off. So…have you seen this Alexis…?" asked Gemma.

Jax said "She hasn't been back on the lot since that day you were there…I think me and Clay both made it very clear she wasn't to come back."

"You? You talked to her too?" asked Gemma.

"I just wanted to make her aware of the situation…"said Jax.

Gemma laughed. "You are being evasive like your father used to be when he was up to something. What did you do?" asked Gemma looking at him.

"Nothing I am going to tell you about." said Jax. "I better get out of here and get to work but I will see you later." said Jax. "I love you ma."

"I love you too Jax." said Gemma handed him the spare key and then walked him to the door. She closed the door behind him and locked it.

Meanwhile…

Clay was pulling up outside of Alexis' house in Stockton. Clay had convinced her to go to rehab in San Francisco like Jax had suggested. Clay realized this was his only chance of getting Gemma back. He was supposed to be driving her to rehab this morning. Clay got out of the truck and walked up to the house and went inside. He was a little worried because he hadn't heard from Alexis in about 18 hours. "Alexis?" called Clay. Clay heard Sean crying bloody murder. He walked over to the bassinet and Sean was red in the face from all of the crying. Clay picked him up and said "Shit!" Sean's diaper was soaked through and through and had leaked into the bassinet where a puddle now stood. "Alexis!" called Clay. "It is okay kid I am going to get you changed." Clay walked over to the changing table and laid Sean down. He changed him and then picked him up. "Alexis!" called Clay. He walked into the back of the house carrying Sean. He searched the house but she wasn't there and it looked like she hadn't been there in at least several hours.

Clay went into the kitchen and made a bottle for Sean. Afterward he had a seat in the living room holding Sean. "I am sorry that I left you here with her…it won't happen again." Clay rocked Sean trying to calm him down and feed him at the same time. Sean drank down the bottle like he hadn't eaten in hours. Clay took out his cell phone and called Tig. "It's Clay…I just got here and Sean was here by himself…and had been for more than a couple of hours." "Find that bitch. You turn over every rock every dope spot…everything…and you find her." Clay hung up and sat there with his son.


	10. Chapter 10

Gemma spent her day at home relaxing. She was still a little worn out from the late night and drinking. Around 4:00 Gemma realized that she should pick up a few things for dinner that night she was running low on basic groceries since she was living by herself she didn't buy as much. She got dressed and left out to do some quick shopping. While she was driving she wondered if she should pick up something interesting to wear that night if she happened to have sex with Elliot. She felt strange about wearing lingerie for him that she had worn for Clay.

Everything was so up in the air. On the one hand she had really enjoyed the previous night but on the other hand she was playing with fire. They were sneaking around in a place where secrets were hard pressed to remain secrets. Elliot had a mayoral campaign he was attempting to win. Clay would hit the roof if he found out she was having sex with anyone other than him. And more importantly Elliot had just gone through a divorce and Gemma was in the middle of a messy separation…neither of them were in a position to start a relationship even if they wanted to. Besides that Gemma felt a little guilt like she was cheating on Clay even her lawyer had filed the paperwork for the separation.

Gemma was gone for around two hours before she returned home. The trip had taken longer than she anticipated. She had driven out to Stockton to a store she liked and picked up a new dress and something to wear for later…if later ever arrived. She had driven back to Charming to pick up the groceries while she was out. She carried everything into the house and started putting everything away.

Afterward Gemma went to her bedroom to shower and get dressed for her evening with Elliot. She slipped on a simple spaghetti strap, black lace dress, with a red underlining. Gemma padded through the house with bare feet and went into the living room turning on the music.

Elliot arrived not long after and pulled his car around to the back so the neighbors wouldn't see him. He got out of the car carrying two bags and flowers. He walked to the back door knocking.

Gemma heard the door and went to answer it. "Come in Elliot."

Elliot stopped in his tracks holding out flowers. He took in a breath seeing Gemma. "Wow you look beautiful."

Gemma closed the door behind him. "Thank You Elliot. More flowers?" asked Gemma with a chuckled since he was holding roses.

"Call me old fashion but I don't think it is right going to a woman's house for a date without bringing her something." said Elliot.

Gemma chuckled and said "Well, thank you. They are beautiful." Her eyes caught the bag. "What is in the bag?"

Elliot set the bags down on the table and pulled out two high end bottles of vodka and a couple of old yearbooks. I thought we could look at these. And I picked up dinner for us. I decided not to cook."

Gemma said "Oooh…all of my unfortunate hairdos. Wait you are three years older than me…I would have been in only one of your high school yearbooks."

Elliot laughed and said "Yes, but the future mayor stopped by the library and asked Mrs. Oaks real nice if she'd let me borrow a couple more. And who said the only pictures I have are from high school?"

Gemma chuckled and said "Already abusing your power. Nice!" Gemma took the flowers and put them in water and put the bottles of vodka in the freezer to chill.

Elliot chuckled and said "She would have given them to me even if I wasn't running for mayor. I am charming with the old ladies."

"Old ladies like me hmm?" asked Gemma taking the flowers from him and put them in water.

"Considering you are younger than me…I can't be calling you old." said Elliot.

"So what is for dinner? I still can't wait to see these cooking skills perhaps you will show me another time." said Gemma grabbing plates down from the cabinet for them to eat their take out dinner off of.

"Well, I picked up: butter garlic shrimp on a salad, baked potatoes, and a steak. I bought a cake for dessert." said Elliot.

Gemma smirked and said "Well, I do like the sound of that. So where did you learn to cook anyway." Gemma watched Elliot start serving the food he had bought. Every once in awhile she would tell him where to find things he needed.

"Well, my mother taught me how to cook. She said men needed to know how to cook just in case they had bad wives. And I got the rest of my cooking training when I served in the Navy. I was a cook on the ship." said Elliot. He got settled and started eating dinner with Gemma.

Gemma chuckled and said "Well, she had a point there. Bad wife or just a wife that is angry with you and won't cook for you. A man could go hungry for days if he made the wrong woman mad. How long were you in the Navy? You know I took off at the end of tenth grade."

"I was in the navy for 4 years… and then I came back home and took over the family business. My dad had died by then. Someone had to keep the business going. But truth be told I was glad to be back in Charming. Everything made sense here to me. Why did you take off at 16?" said Elliot.

"I thought I knew everything about the world and I was ready to shake off this little city and see what the rest of the world had to offer. So I traveled around getting into trouble but enjoying life not under my mother's thumb. And after awhile I met John. He was a good 17 years older than me but I loved him because he understood me and my craziness and didn't want to change me. He just wanted to go along for the ride. He and Clay both served in Vietnam." said Gemma.

"So wait…John was 17 years older than you? How much older is Clay?" asked Elliot.

Gemma laughed and said "He is 8 years older than I am. What can I say…I like older men. I always have. Something about the years of experience they have…I could run circles around the men my age…still can."

"Can you run circles around me?" asked Elliot moving so that he closer to her. He kissed her lips softly.

"I bet I could if I wanted too…but you are old enough to see it coming…just probably couldn't stop it." said Gemma laughing softly.

Elliot kissed her lips and said "You are a dangerous woman…beautiful…smart…manipulative…" He went back to eating dinner.

Gemma smirked and asked "So how is Tristan doing?"

"She is doing good today but who knows about tomorrow. She is supposed to see Karen this weekend…that is if Karen doesn't cancel. She won't talk to me about anything…I am a man what would I know? She looks at me like a moron." said Elliot.

Gemma chuckled and said "It would be the same if you had a son. Jax was the same way…when he was that age…part of it was because John died around that time. But even before John died…Jax was giving the both of us hell. And once John died Jax really started to try my patience…and apparently because I was his mother I didn't understand anything. I am sure we were that way as teens. I know my mother didn't understand me one bit. I always said I would have a daughter and I would be a better mother."

"You wanted a girl?" asked Elliot.

Gemma nodded and said "Of course I loved my boys. I used to baby Jax so much before Tommy came along that John used to be furious. He told me I was going to turn Jax into a girl. When I looked at Jax I see a lot of John…I see a lot of me too. I don't know how good or bad that might be. I couldn't have hoped for better children. But I always wanted a daughter it just never happened for me and John. Then I married Clay…and I looked into adoption and everything but our lawyer said that with Clay's criminal history it would be nearly impossible to adopt here in the States."

Elliot said "I am sorry to hear that about the adoption…but you know with the separation...you could always give it a try as a single parent. Maybe check out some adoption agencies."

Gemma smiled and said "I am too old for that now."

"Women older than you are getting pregnant and raising children. You aren't too old if it is something you really want to do Gemma." said Elliot.

"Maybe you are right…" said Gemma. She fell silent for awhile.

"I didn't mean to upset you Gemma…" said Elliot.

"You didn't upset me Elliot…just a lot to think about. I sacrificed a lot to be with Clay…and this is where my sacrifice lands me. This old with a lot of dreams unfulfilled." said Gemma.

"You've got the power to change some of those things. And if anyone can take this bad situation and come out on top…It has to be you Gemma. And if you need help…well let me know that is what friends are for." said Elliot.

The two of them continued to talk while they finished eating dinner and then had dessert. After they cleaned up the kitchen they took the chilled bottles of vodka and the yearbooks into the living room. The two of them sat and talked for hours about how much Charming had changed over the years...or not changed. They finished off a half bottle of vodka easily between the two of them. Gemma wasn't sure if they were drinking out of nervousness or what.

As they were talking and the music was playing a familiar song started up.

Elliot smiled hearing the tune. "Rolling Stones…Wild Horses…I love that song. Do you want to dance?"

Gemma was a little surprised but she said "Sure." Gemma stood up.

Elliot stood up and took Gemma into his arms and swayed with her to the song.

Gemma hated to admit it but it felt good being in his arms. There was something warm, safe, and comforting about being there with him. When her trust had been so broken by what Clay had done, she felt like she could trust Elliot. Even a badass like Gemma needed to feel safe sometimes. And right now she felt safe with Elliot. Maybe that was why she had always been drawn to older men…somehow they made her feel safe. Elliot was a good man and he had been where she had been. Gemma didn't know where this was going but for now she needed the comfort…she needed Elliot.

Elliot knew that both of them were still reeling from their partners' infidelities. He was under no illusion about the bind they were in. Instead of analyzing what it could be he decided to focus on what it was at the moment. And at the moment he had a beautiful woman clinging to him and in a way he was clinging to her too. It was nice to know that there wasn't something so patently wrong with him that he could not be cared for by a woman.

As the song was ending and the last guitar strings were plucked Gemma kissed Elliot passionately.

Elliot didn't need any more of cue than that. He took her hand and led her to the guestroom they had spent the previous night in. Once they were in the bedroom they wasted little time disrobing. It was if something was ignited in both of them and they were two smoldering flames coming together. Both of them had been so hurt by the people they loved and trusted and here they were together attempting to love away each others' pain. Elliot picked Gemma up and smiled at her. He walked to the bed with her and fell backward onto the bed with her on top of him. "You are so beautiful Gemma...I only hope I am not taking advantage of our friendship...or you."

"You aren't….I hope I am not taking advantage of you…" whispered Gemma against his neck. Whereas the previous night had started off tentatively and nervously, tonight the two of them were like an erupting volcano devouring one another completely. After a couple of intense rounds of sex they laid together on the bed in a sweaty heap. Gemma quipped "Who knew a Stones song had so much power…" She laughed softly.

"Mick Jagger." said Elliot with a laugh. He kissed her softly. "What time is it?" asked Elliot truly feeling exhausted. "A man my age is not supposed to have this much sex. It goes against the laws of nature."

Gemma glanced over at the clock. "It is almost 2:30 in the morning." She laughed and said "Well, not every man can…but the ones that can…definitely should. Who knew someone as straight laced as you could be so…."

Elliot laughed and said "Don't let the suit and tie fool you. I know my way around a woman's body." He kissed her and said "I've got to leave soon…but I don't like it…it feels disrespectful to leave before the day light."

"I appreciate you wanting to be a gentleman Elliot. And you don't know what I would give to have you stay the full night. But…"said Gemma.

"But we both have a lot at stake…I am less worried about the election…and more worried that Clay will find out. I don't want to cause trouble for you." said Elliot.

"And I don't want to cause trouble for you." said Gemma.

"Well, then maybe we can just lay here and enjoy the peace and quiet while we can?" asked Elliot.

Gemma smiled softly and said "Okay." Gemma cuddled with Elliot resting her head on his chest and closed her eyes relaxing.

Without either of them trying both of them fell asleep exhausted from the night's activities. Elliot woke up at 4:00 in the morning and slipped out of the bed. He went into the bathroom grabbing a quick shower so that he could go home.

Gemma woke up hearing the shower turn on. She glanced over at the clock and walked to her bedroom putting on a nightgown and a bathrobe. She went into the bathroom and washed her face and brushed her teeth. She intended to be minty fresh when she said goodbye to Elliot. She headed into the kitchen to start some coffee and found a travel mug for him figuring he'd need to take it and run.

Meanwhile….

Alexis was outside of Gemma's house sitting in a car she had stolen. A couple of hours ago she had ran out of money for drugs. Her dealer said he would accept the car as payment. So she traded her car. She had gotten several angry voicemails from Clay since he had found Sean but she had not called him back. There was something she had to do first. She had spent the last 30 hours getting high. She was distraught after a conversation with Clay and that had pushed her over the edge. She realized that her golden ticket wasn't as golden as she thought it was.

She had been so sure that getting pregnant by Clay would ensure her a place as his old lady. And when that didn't work she thought that Gemma kicking him out of the house was her way in. But that hadn't worked either. In fact Clay had told Alexis in no uncertain terms that he didn't love her and wouldn't be carrying on a relationship with her. All they had between them was their son and he was going to do everything in his power to save his marriage. That is when Clay had dropped the bombshell on her. He was sending her to a rehab facility in San Francisco. It was an intensive 90 day program and if she left early Clay was threatening to sue for full custody of Sean and cut her off financially. She wasn't all that attached to Sean but the idea of having to scrounge for money or worse yet work for it wasn't something she wanted to do. Hours of getting high and anger had brought her to this point.

She got out of the car and walked up to Gemma's house. She pulled a set of keys from her pocket. She had stolen Clay's house keys the last time she had been with him not knowing that Gemma had changed the locks. She tried all of the keys and realized that none of them worked. She threw the keys to the ground and looked around for another way in. She picked up a rock and used it to break the glass in front door.

Gemma heard the glass break and thought it was Elliot. "Elliot are you okay?" asked Gemma walking into the living room. She stopped in her tracks seeing Alexis standing not two feet from her. "What the hell are you doing in my house you crazy bitch?"

"Clay was supposed to be mine…I am not going to lose him to you!" said Alexis.

Gemma backed up into the kitchen moving toward the drawer where she kept one of her guns. "You are nothing but a child…and irresponsible one at that. Did you really think he was going to give up his life for you?"

"Don't move! Stop moving!" yelled Alexis obviously higher than a kite. She was waving a knife around now getting closer to Gemma.

Gemma turned and ran for the drawer where he gun was.

Alexis freaked out and stabbed Gemma in the arm.

Gemma howled in pain and staggered to the kitchen drawer still trying to get her gun. She managed to get it and fired two shots in Alexis' general direction but Alexis was fast and was out the door in no time.

Elliot got out of the shower and heard the gunshots. He wrapped a towel around his waist and ran into the living room. "Gemma!" He saw the broken glass and the door standing wide open. "Gemma!"

"I'm in here Elliot." said Gemma from the kitchen. She was sitting on the floor blood covering her robe. "Clay's mistress showed up and the junkie bitch stabbed me." said Gemma.

Elliot kneeled on the floor next to her. "It doesn't look like it is in too deep. I am going to call 911."

"Don't...I will not have the entire town knowing about this…I will just pull the knife out gently…if I am bleeding too much I can call Tara to help me…please." said Gemma.

Elliot said "Okay…" He watched her as Gemma took the knife out and set it on the floor. He grabbed a dish towel and pressed it to the wound.

"Go…get dressed. You've got to get out of here…Jax and Tara can't see you here." said Gemma.

Elliot said "I am not leaving you like this by yourself."

"If Clay finds out you were here...I am not the only one that will be bleeding…go…" said Gemma.

Elliot wanted to argue but he watched Clay cut off a man's testicles he knew Clay wouldn't mind doing the same to him. Elliot reluctantly went upstairs and got dressed. He walked back into the kitchen to see Gemma hanging up the phone.

"Jax and Tara are on their way over…go…" said Gemma.

"I can handle Clay I am not leaving you." said Elliot.

"You can't handle Clay he is a vicious son of a bitch when it comes to me…listen…we can talk while you drive okay?" asked Gemma.

Elliot looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes. He knew she was scared that Clay would kill him. "Okay fine…but we talk while you wait for them to get here." Elliot kissed the top of Gemma's head and then got into the car popping in his Bluetooth and called Gemma. He pulled off from her house but parked down the block.

Gemma answered the phone. "Are you headed home?"

"Yes, I am." lied Elliot.

"Good…I am okay…it just hurts like a bitch…and I am bleeding like there is no tomorrow." groaned Gemma still sitting on the kitchen floor. "I am glad I didn't come down here naked…that would be horrible." joked Gemma.

"That isn't funny Gemma. Why didn't you scream for me? I would have helped you." said Elliot.

"I didn't want you getting stabbed by some crazed junkie...besides… I thought you were still in the shower…I didn't think you would hear me." said Gemma. Gemma went quiet the pain getting to be a little much.

"Come on Gemma…talk to me…or I am coming back there…" said Elliot.

"Talk about what?" asked Gemma.

"Anything…when you were 16…and you ran away…where was the first place you wanted to go?" asked Elliot.

"Vegas…I wanted to go to Las Vegas. I thought…now that is a place where a girl like me can get into some trouble." said Gemma laughing.

"Yeah, that sounds like you…did you try to sneak into the casino?" asked Elliot.

"Sure on a few occasions…security back then wasn't as good…but it was good for that time period. I think I was able to sneak in two or three times. Then I decided it wasn't worth it. Doing all that work to lose money." Gemma mumbled the last part feeling light headed.

"Gemma?" asked Elliot.

Gemma dropped the phone.


	11. Chapter 11

"Gemma!" yelled Elliot into the phone. When he didn't get a response he hung up and turned his car around and sped back down the street to Gemma's house. He hopped out of the car and ran back into the house. He walked into the kitchen and saw Gemma slumped over on the kitchen floor. There was a puddle of blood forming under her arm. Elliot took the dish towel that fallen away from her arm and pressed it back to the wound. Elliot took off his jacket and used it to prop up Gemma's head. "Come on…stay awake Gemma…"

"You said you were on your way home." mumbled Gemma.

"You said that you were going to be okay…looks like we both lied. I am not leaving here until I know that you are okay. I'll take whatever consequences for that decision. You are losing a lot of blood. Are you sure she only got your arm?" said Elliot.

Gemma said "I just felt pain…a lot of pain. I don't know…"

Elliot said "It is going to be okay." He brushed her hair away from her face and kneeled there with her. His knee was in her blood. But at this moment he could care less about ruining his suit. He heard tires screeching to a stop outside and doors slamming shut.

Jax ran in through the front door. "Mom?" yelled Jax. Tara ran in after Jax with her medical bag in hand. Jax set Abel's carrier down in the living room.

"In the kitchen Jax!" called Elliot from the kitchen.

Jax rushed into the kitchen with Tara. His eyes darted from the puddle of blood to Gemma's paling face and then to Elliot. His brain didn't have enough time to think all of that through. "What the hell happened here?"

"All I know is that…Alexis showed up and stabbed Gemma. She said it was only her arm…she took the knife out of her arm. She was talking fine for awhile and then she stopped."

Jax looked at Tara. "What do you need me to do babe?"

"Roll her over onto her side so I can get a look at her arm. With all of this blood are you sure the arm is the only place she was stabbed?" asked Tara seeing the blood.

"I don't know…I came in after it happened and Gemma wouldn't let me look at it…"said Elliot and Jax gently rolled Gemma onto her side so that Tara could get a better look at her.

Tara said "I need to get her to her bedroom. I need some privacy to do this. Looks like the knife got her in the side as well." " Tara looked down seeing Gemma in her robe and night gown.

Elliot said "I'll move her for you."

Jax said "I can do it." Jax lifted Gemma up and carried her into her bedroom and laid her on the bed. Jax walked out of the room leaving Tara to take care of Gemma. Jax walked into the living room.

Elliot was standing there with Gemma's blood on him. He ran a worried hand across the stubble on his face. Elliot didn't know what to think. Everything had happened so quickly. Gemma was fine one minute and not the next. They were friends and he cared about her but he couldn't deny the fact he had been enjoying their closeness these last two days.

"Tell me again exactly what happened." said Jax trying to wrap his mind around what happened.

"I don't know…I didn't see it happen." said Elliot. He also didn't want to go into details about what he was doing there out of respect for Gemma.

"You don't need to lie to me I don't care what you were doing here at this time…I just want to know what happened to my mother." said Jax trying to remain calm. "Tell me what you know about what happened…"

"I am not lying to you. I got out of the shower and I heard two gunshots. I ran into the kitchen and found Gemma on the floor bleeding. That is when she told me that Clay's mistress showed up and stabbed her. Gemma must have shot at her as she was leaving the house. Gemma was okay for a few minutes and she told me to leave because she was worried about Clay finding me here. I was worried about her so I just pulled down the street…it is hard to win an argument with Gemma. I stayed on the phone with her waiting for you and Tara to arrive…but she stopped talking to me so I had to come back and check on her..that's when I found her slumped over." explained Elliot.

Jax said "I should have taken care of her when I had the chance. But I was trying to be the nice guy…well being the nice guy just got my mother stabbed in her own house." Jax punched a wall in anger. "Listen, you should go…if mom was worried about you…I don't want you getting hurt on my watch. I'll call you whenever I get an update on how she is doing."

Elliot said "I don't feel right leaving her…not knowing if she is okay. She is a friend…it is a coward's way of doing it. I want to know that she is okay…I can't just leave when she is like this…"

"Well, you know the old saying…it is the coward that is left to tell the hero's tale. She isn't going to hold it against you. She knows how Clay's temper can be. She wants you in one piece. She obviously cares about you man. And the last thing she needs to be doing is worrying about whether Clay is killing you…" said Jax.

Elliot gave a defeated sigh. "Alright…but you'll call me when you know anything about her condition?"

"You have my word on that." said Jax.

Elliot nodded and said "Okay…" He walked out of the house. He got into his car and took off. He drove down the block and parked not being able to bring himself to leave just yet.

Clay pulled up outside and rushed into the house. "What happened?" asked Clay. Clay set Sean's carrier next to Abel's.

Jax rushed him and started wailing on him. "Your whore attacked my mother is what happened! You said you had this shit under control! Alexis is fucking dead do you hear me? Dead! You better find her before I do…because I am going to take her out…plain and simple. And if this shit with mom is serious…I will be sizing you up for a toe tag too."

Tig was with Clay and pulled Jax off of Clay. "Jax…calm down man! Clay was trying to send her crazy ass away…we've been looking…she is like a ghost. But we will find her."

Clay stood there in shock. It was one thing for his decisions to cause Gemma emotional pain but to know his mistakes had put her life in danger was more than Clay could stomach. This entire situation had worn Clay out. He felt like a beat down old man at the moment. Gemma was his life…the air he breathed. She was the only person that he could trust. And somehow they had made it to this point. He looked at Jax. "I'm sorry son…I told Alexis she had to go to rehab…I was supposed to take her yesterday but she wasn't home…and hadn't been for awhile. She had left Sean there by himself." "Tig and Bobby have been out looking for her…they couldn't find her…I would never purposely put your mother in danger…I love her. I would die for her…"

Jax looked at the pain on Clay's face and knew that he was hurting. Jax shook his head. "This can't stand…what she did…it just can't stand." said Jax. "She came into this house…I know she is the mother of your kid…but this has got to end…"

"She will be dealt with…that isn't something you need to worry about. I swore to love and protect Gemma and that is what I am going to do. What happened?" said Clay.

"Ma was in the kitchen when Alexis broke in. Alexis stabbed her in the arm and apparently in the side and then ran off. Mom tried to shoot her but couldn't…that is all I know. She wasn't in the best of shape when I got here. She was in and out of consciousness." said Jax.

Clay looked at Tig. "Round up the boys…toss every spot you know of to look for Alexis…I want her found…now. You put money on the street and let them know that when they find her there is a reward for it…"

Tig nodded and said "Sure thing Clay…" Tig left Clay there.

Jax and Clay had a seat on the couch waiting for word on Gemma. As Clay sat there he saw the two glasses and the bottles of vodka. He noticed the yearbooks on the table as well. "I guess your mom had friends over or something last night." Clay looked over by the front door and saw the two vases of flowers that Elliot had delivered to Gemma the previous morning. On the other table he saw the flowers Elliot had brought for that night.

Jax looked at the glasses and said 'Yeah, I guess so…" Jax got up and walked over to the stereo and turned it off. The Rolling Stones disc was still playing on repeat. He didn't have to be a rocket scientist to figure out what was going on between Gemma and Elliot but he didn't want or need Clay figuring it out before Gemma was ready to say something.

Clay got up from the couch and paced the floor. He walked over toward the flowers wondering if there was a card in the flowers. Clay reached for the card when he heard a door open.

Tara walked out and said "Gemma is awake…She lost a little more blood than I would like…but she is going to be okay."

Jax walked over and clapped Clay on the back. "Go on in and see her first."

Clay nodded and said "Thank you, son." Clay walked into the bedroom seeing Gemma propped up against the pillows in her bed. "Hi Gemma…" He closed the bedroom door to give them some privacy.

"Hi Clay…" said Gemma looking at him. She guessed that Elliot had left considering Clay didn't seem angry.

Clay stood at the door just looking at Gemma for a second. He walked around to his side of the bed and climbed into the bed. He gently took Gemma into his arms. "I am so sorry this happened to you baby. I would never put you in this kind of danger knowingly. I was trying to get her out of my life…out of our life. I was sending her to rehab…but she took off…left Sean home alone for hours…the poor kid was a mess when I went over there and found him…She will be taken care of…you won't have to worry about this happening again…I promise. And I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I love you so much Gemma baby…I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you. What happened tonight…what has been happening…shouldn't have gone down like it did. I don't know where my head was at. I hurt you…and I wasn't trying to but I did. I don't know if I was trying to recapture my youth or something equally as stupid…and…I haven't known how to come to you and just say what a fuck up…I've become. You are my world Gemma. I will do whatever you need me to do…please just tell me…let me make this right. Give me a chance and I spend the rest of my life making this right for you…" Clay was a proud man but he couldn't deny that there were tears in his steely blue eyes. Clay laid his head against Gemma's chest. He had never felt so beaten down in his life. "I am not going to make it without you baby…I won't."

Gemma laid there and gently caressed his hair. Gemma hated the position that she was in. Gemma had been attacked and was in pain but here she was comforting Clay…a man that she had banished from her home. But seeing him in need she couldn't just turn him away. This was her role…this was what she did. She took care of Clay…she was his rock…she was what kept him strong in the face of every adversity he had encountered as president of the club. Jax may have been his vice president but it was Gemma that was Clay's right hand man and advisor. She was the little voice in his ear advising him and helping him make the tough decision. She was the one that listened to the gruesome things that kept him up at night. She took in everything bad he had to give so that he wouldn't have to carry the load on his own. She wanted to dismiss his sorrow and pain but she knew that it was coming from the bottom of his heart. He was hurting in a bad way and all she could do was lay there and comfort him. His was so much bigger than her that he literally had to contort his body in their bed in order to lay his head upon her chest. Gemma felt a few drops of hot tears falling on her chest. She knew then that he was crying. What little resolve she still had melted away. "I am here for you Clay…I always will be…you are my husband and I love you. We are going through a difficult time right now…but we will get through it…together…just like we have gotten through everything else."

"I need you baby…I can't do this without you. I need my wife…my friend. I've been so alone lately…and every day away from you has made me appreciate you even more. I need you…Sean needs you." said Clay in a strained voice.

"We're going to be okay Clay…we will figure this out." said Gemma still lightly caressing his hair. She felt trapped. She loved this man with all of her heart and she wanted to make things right with him. But would she have to sacrifice what she wanted…her own dreams in order to help him live out his?

Meanwhile…

Jax said "Tara I need your help." "We need to make it look like Elliot hasn't been here…" "We've got to clean this up." "I am going to collect the cards from these flowers and hide them."

Tara nodded and said "Yeah, I wasn't even going to ask about that. I had a feeling though when she wanted to stay at his party the other night...while we were still at the party I kept seeing him scan the crowd looking for her whenever he had a chance he would go talk to her." Tara started cleaning up.

"Yeah…the flowers and stuff are from him…I don't know if they are dating or what. It is the or what that could get him killed. I know I'd lose my mind if I thought you were having sex with another man." Jax and Tara were cleaning up the house. Jax called Elliot's cell phone.

Elliot answered on the first ring. "Is Gemma okay?" asked Elliot.

"She is doing okay. She passed out from losing the blood so quickly but Tara said she should be fine. She is awake and talking." said Jax.

"Could I talk to her?" asked Elliot.

Jax said "She's in with Clay right now…but when she is alone…I will have her call you."

"Oh okay…thank you Jax." said Elliot hanging up.

Jax hung up and started sweeping up the glass from in front of the front door. He saw Elliot's car drive by and he realized that Elliot had never actually left.

Tara said "I am going to go double check the guest room…Gemma said that is where she and Elliot were."

Jax shook his head and said "I don't need that sort of mental image." Jax finished cleaning up the glass and took Elliot's suit jacket that was laying on the kitchen floor and ran out to his car tossing it in the trunk. Jax came back inside and cleaned up the blood on the kitchen floor.

Tara started a load of laundry and then had a seat on the couch.

Jax finished cleaning and sat next to Tara on the couch.

"What do you think is going to happen with Clay and Gemma?" asked Tara.

Jax shook his head and said "I don't know…I really don't know."


	12. Chapter 12

Gemma laid in the bed with Clay's head laying on her chest. After awhile she heard his breathing even out and he started to lightly snore. Gemma laid there for another hour before deciding it was time for her to get up. Gemma gently slid out from under him and got out of the bed. She went into the bathroom and took a much needed shower. Afterward she dried off and raised her arm so she could see the knife wound in the mirror. Gemma took her time and reapplied bandages to her arm and side. She shook her head thinking about how crazy this entire situation had turned out to be. Gemma wrapped a towel around her and walked into the bedroom. She walked into the closet and found something to wear. Gemma pulled on a pair of jeans and a red lace tank top. She put on her shoes and jacket and left the bedroom quietly closing the door behind her. She looked at the time and realized it was around 9:00. She walked into the living room and saw Jax and Tara asleep on the couch together. Gemma scribbled a note and left it on the coffee table in front of Jax and Tara.

_I'll be back later on. Don't try to call me. I won't answer the phone._

_Gemma_

Abel and Sean were asleep together in Abel's play pen. Gemma stopped by the playpen and watched both babies sleep for a few moments before walking over to the console table and grabbing her purse and keys.

Tara woke up hearing the keys move. Tara looked over at Gemma and quietly got up from the couch. "Gemma where are you going?" asked Tara. "You should be in the bed resting. You lost blood and you didn't get any back…" said Tara.

"I need to go and do something. I will be back later on. Tell Jax and Clay that I will be back when I get back…" said Gemma.

"Going to see Elliot?" asked Tara with a knowing look.

Gemma said "I will be back later on. Thank you for patching up." She smiled at Tara and then left the house. Gemma drove to Stockton and stopped off at a local diner and got breakfast and a cup of coffee to go. She drove to a hotel and checked in. She needed some time alone to clear her head. She needed to figure out where she was going to go from here. She sat on the bed eating breakfast with her cell phone laying beside her. She picked it up and dialed Elliot's number.

Elliot hadn't been to sleep. He was at his office trying to keep himself busy with work. It wasn't as if he didn't have a lot of work that needed to get done. Between running a successful business and running a mayoral campaign Elliot's plate was filled to the brim. But even with all of the work on his desk it didn't stop him from worrying about if Gemma was okay. He never really considered himself a coward until today. His cell phone rang and he almost decided not to answer it but something told him to look at the caller ID. He recognized Gemma's number and answered the phone. "Hi…"

Gemma heard his tentative voice. "Hi Elliot…how are you doing?"

"Gemma…I think I should be the one asking you that question. I am glad to hear you talking at least. You were in bad shape this morning when I left. Are you going to be okay?" asked Elliot.

"I am going to be fine. I lost some blood...that is why I passed out. But I am out and about and I am doing good. Thank you for being there for me…and for coming back even though I told you not to. That means a lot to me Elliot. You are a good friend." said Gemma.

"I would have been a better friend if I would have stuck around to make sure that you were okay. I didn't want to be a coward in this situation. But…Jax thought it was better if I left before Clay showed up…I drove past Clay and Tig on the street as they were pulling up last night." said Elliot.

"It is not being a coward. I would have blamed myself if Clay would have done something to you. Or if you two would have gotten into a fight and the neighbors decided to call the police. Explaining why you were at my house could have ruined your campaign. You have helped me so much since this thing with Clay happened. You are a good man Elliot Oswald. I've always known that about you but you've really showed that to me lately. I was in a dark place and you made me realize that I am still a desirable woman…and I still have a lot to offer this world." said Gemma.

"Well, you do…you could be anything and do anything that you want Gemma. And you are amazingly beautiful, seductive, mysterious…. You should know that…I know I can't be the only man that gives you a second glance when I think no one is looking." said Elliot with a chuckle.

"Well, thank you for saying that. I just…you've been really good to me Elliot and I don't want you to feel like…I used you or took advantage of our friendship. Talking to you that day at the coffee shop…I felt human like you understood me and my problem. And it was a good feeling." said Gemma.

"I don't feel that way at all Gemma. You are a wonderful woman. And I enjoyed being with you but I also knew that you were just trying to figure things out and you were looking for companionship…nothing more. And so was I honestly. We were two people in similar boats that needed to talk. We needed to feel like we were normal. And we are…we are not the first people who have had spouses betray us and we will not be the last. We were two friends…trying to help one another heal." said Elliot.

"I'd still like for us to be friends…better friends than we were before my marriage went to hell. We used to speak in passing…but I'd like to be better friends now." said Gemma.

"You'll hear no arguments from me on that. It is nice talking to someone almost as old as I am. You remember the same things I remember about this town and the people that live here. Last night…reminiscing about the old days was nice. It made me remember that I was young once. Sleeping with you made me realize that I've still got it. I still know my way around a woman's body." said Elliot laughing.

Gemma chuckled and said "I don't think that is something you can forget. Sex is like riding a bicycle. You never really forget how to have a damn good time. You helped me too…you helped me to see that I still had it too…that despite Clay's need for something young and new…I still had something to offer in and out of the bedroom."

"We were like therapy for one another…sex therapy." said Elliot chuckling. Elliot was quiet for a minute. "So are you and Clay getting back together?"

"Sex therapy? I like the sound of that. Mutually exclusive ego stroking is what it is I think." said Gemma chuckling. She stopped laughing and was quiet for a minute. "I don't know honestly. He's sorry and he wants to come back home. He needs me…and God help me…I still love that man. But that doesn't stop me from being angry with him. He fell asleep…and I had to get out of there. I had to put some space between me and him." said Gemma.

'Well, sometimes we all need space to think clearly. Especially, when there is so much on the line. You've got 17 years worth of memories to sort through…and figure out if your marriage is worth saving. I don't envy you. With Karen…she left and she didn't want to come back really….not for met at least. She wanted my money but not me and I could see that. There was no struggle for me. The choice was out of my hands. The only thing I had to do was figure out how to move on from there and how to make sure this situation didn't destroy Tristan." said Elliot.

"I don't know how to do that Elliot. I am still so angry with him and I don't know how to stop being angry with him. I can't just pick up like nothing happened. But if I stay this angry with him I will spend the rest of the relationship punishing him. I know me…I can be one vindictive bitch." said Gemma.

"Then don't. Just because you decide to reconcile doesn't mean you two have to fall back into the same pattern that you were in before. It is like being damaged by an earthquake…it comes through and destroys everything…things never go back to exactly the way they were…they can't. And you realize there were problems with your house before that you never noticed…because those problems were hidden from view. You've just got to figure out how to work with Clay from where the two of you are now…not where you used to be…or you will resent him." said Elliot.

"You know for a man…you are pretty damn insightful. I am used to you all being more shallow than a puddle of water. John was deep that way…he could see all angles of an issue…used to drive me crazy…thank you for talking to me Elliot." said Gemma.

"Well, you have to do some soul searching when your wife leaves you for a buff 24 year old yoga instructor. And at the end of the day I realized that Karen and I weren't right for one another. We wanted different things. She wanted to leave Charming and live in San Francisco or Los Angeles. She wanted to be a pampered housewife. And all I wanted was to live my life here in Charming, enjoy growing old in the peace and quiet, and raise Tristan. But she couldn't understand that...she wanted more and it had always been that way. I was just too stubborn to see that it was driving the two of us apart." said Elliot.

Gemma smiled listening to Elliot talk. "Two people can only go in different directions for so long before they have to let go of one another. But I've got the opportunity to change the direction that Clay and I are going in….You make alot of sense...thank you for talking to me about all of this Elliot. I needed an ear and needed it to be someone not in the club. They mean well but they want me and Clay together. Especially, the younger set. We are like surrogate parents to them. It wouldn't just be me leaving Clay...they'd feel like I was leaving them too."

"That is what friends are for Gemma. If you ever need anything you know where I am." said Elliot.

"And if you and Tristan need anything just let me know. I will be there for the both of you. I don't how good of an influence I will be on her but I will be there." said Gemma.

"You may color outside the lines a bit Gemma...but you are a strong woman that knows her own mind and that is something that I would be glad to have Tristan learn from you. More than that you were there for her...after that monster..." Elliot couldn't even bring himself to say the words. "It was you that helped her start healing...by letting her know that she could talk about it. I will never be able to repay you for what you did for my little girl." said Elliot.

"She is a good kid with a good future ahead her. Holding something like that in would have eaten away at her." said Gemma. She knew all too well about holding in pain like that. If Gemma was honest with herself it was around that time that she started feeling different about her life…about Clay.

"Well, I still appreciate what you did for her. I should get going. I am supposed to be getting ready for the last town hall debate tonight…I've got to go over my talking points." said Elliot.

"Good luck Elliot. I might try to make it there. It will be interesting to see what lies Jacob will try to tell when he is racing against an honest man. Bye Elliot." said Gemma hanging up.

"Bye Gemma…" said Elliot hanging up.


	13. Chapter 13

Gemma laid down in the bed moving her breakfast container out of the way. She closed her eyes and tried to get some sleep. Gemma slept for 8 hours before she was awakened by her cell phone vibrating. She reached over and answered the phone sleepily. "Hello?" asked Gemma.

"Gemma? Where are you? I have been worried about you. Why did you just take off?" asked Clay.

"What time is it?" asked Gemma tiredly. She sat up in the bed holding the phone against her ear.

"It is 5:00 in the evening Gemma. Are you okay?" asked Clay.

"I am fine. I needed to get some rest and I needed to be able to think about things…are Tara and Jax still at the house?" asked Gemma.

"Yeah, they are still here with me. Tig and the boys have been looking for Alexis…but they haven't found her yet…but when they do we will handle it." said Clay.

"I am not interested in talking about that right now. Could you ask Jax and Tara to watch Sean for you? I want you to come and meet me…we have some things that we need to talk about." said Gemma.

Clay said "Yeah, I'll ask them…where are?"

Gemma rattled off the address of the hotel she was checked into. "Room 1203. I will be waiting for you." Gemma hung up and relaxed on the bed and drifted off to sleep again.

An hour passed and Clay knocked on Gemma's hotel room door. He was nervous about what she was going to say to him. Clay was rarely nervous about anything but at this very moment he had a knot the size of Texas in his stomach.

Gemma heard the knock on the door and got up from the bed. She looked out the peephole before opening the door. "Come in Clay." said Gemma walking away from the door. She went back and sat on the bed.

Clay closed the door behind him and walked into the room. He sat next to Gemma on the bed. "Gemma…I…"

Gemma cut him off. "I want to do the talking first. I need to get this out if we are going to be able to move forward. I love you Clay and I love being your wife. For 17 years I have loved being your wife. And I have always thought that we had a good relationship. No matter how much we fought and argued…we always knew that we had common ground because we loved one another. You were carrying on a relationship with Alexis…a relationship Clay. I have tolerated you screwing the sweet butts and hanger-ons while you were out of town because that was part of the club. But when did it become okay for you to take on a steady girlfriend? And then you were so reckless as to have gotten her pregnant. Instead of telling me the truth like a man…you decided to lie to me and keep it from me and move her to Stockton without telling me. You did it without even thinking about the pain and embarrassment that this would cause me! You actually had the balls to suggest that we move your whore into our home! And now you want me to welcome you back home with open arms and help you raise your son like everything is back to normal? And don't say that you didn't know how much this would hurt me. Because that is bullshit. You saw how much pain you caused me when Cherry showed up in town…it was humiliating then and only the club knew…this is even worse! I have dedicated myself to caring for you and being there for you…and this is how you repay me? I want to know everything…I want to know how it got started…and what made you risk everything you had here with me."

Clay listened to Gemma unload on him. He knew that he deserved all of it. "I met Alexis two years ago while I was on a run up to Tacoma. And every time I made a run up there I would see Alexis. But I swear to you after the Cherry situation I stopped seeing Alexis. I only went to Tacoma three times after that and I never touched her again…but as it turns out she was already pregnant and just didn't tell me. But that doesn't excuse me for keeping a regular girlfriend or bringing her here to Stockton. I didn't want to hurt you Gemma. I thought lying until I knew the truth was the best option. I see that…it only made you trust me even less. I don't know why I even started up a relationship with her…well I do in a way…I was a stupid old man…letting some young girl boost my ego. I wanted to recapture some youth I thought I might have lost along the way. My hands keep getting worse…my body is aching in ways that it didn't use to…I won't be president for long. I am getting old and that scares me. And…I wanted to feel young again. But it was stupid…I was stupid. And I am sorry for trying to blame this on you…by saying you never gave me a child. I know you would have if you could have. You are the best thing that ever happened to me Gemma. I knew you would be the one to change my world the moment I laid eyes on you…you've always been a spitfire…you've always been my match even when you were with John. I always thought the saying was stupid…but it is true you don't miss the water…until your well runs dry. Gemma the last two weeks without you have been pure hell. I miss you so much. I miss everything about you. And I don't care if I have to spend the rest of my life making this up to you…I will do it. I never meant for this to hurt you, I would never purposely cause you any pain. You are my rock Gemma. When I can't count on anyone else…I know that I can count on you."

"Maybe that is the problem Clay. You know you can count on me so you take me for granted. I am willing to take you back…but what happened can never happen again…because I will walk away from you and not look back. I will not be made a fool of…do we understand one another?" asked Gemma.

"I understand you perfectly. And you have my word…there will be no more relationships. I will not be screwing around with any sweet butts on the road at all. I think it is time that I let that part of my life go. It isn't worth losing you. Nothing is worth losing you." said Clay.

"Don't make promises you do not intend to keep. I just don't want to find out that you are carrying on any other relationships…so there are no other girlfriends right?" said Gemma.

Clay took Gemma's hand and looked into her eyes. "That is a promise that I intend to keep. No more sex on the road. But I will let my actions speak for themselves...you will see." said Clay.

Gemma looked into his eyes and for a moment believed the words that he was saying. She cleared her throat a little. "I love you Clay and I am willing to give our relationship another chance. I believe you when you say you love me and that you will do anything to make this right…don't make a fool out of me again. Staying at the club with Sean is going to have to end. The club is no place for a baby. You can move back into the house but under the condition that you sleep in one of the extra rooms. I am not ready to share a bed with you again and I won't be for awhile. We can't just pick up like nothing has happened. Our time apart has given me a lot of time to think about what I want and what I need."

Clay was quiet for a minute when Gemma said that she wanted him in another bedroom. Clay's mind went back to flowers in the house, the two glasses on the table, the night gown and bathrobe she had been wearing when she was stabbed. He wanted to ask her if she had been seeing someone but he couldn't bring himself to ask the question. "So I can move back in today?" asked Clay.

Gemma nodded and said "You can move back home. I want you to. We won't be able to work things out if we are living apart…but I am not rushing things. I still want to be your wife Clay. And I will be there with you every step of the way to help you take care of Sean…whatever you need."

"Thank you for giving me the chance Gemma…the chance to make this right. And thank you for agreeing to help me with Sean." said Clay. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "I love you so much Gemma baby…" said Clay his voice thick with emotion.

"I love you too Clay…" said Gemma.

"Can I hold you?" asked Clay.

Gemma nodded and said "You can…"

Clay scooted back onto the bed room and pulled Gemma with him. He wrapped his arms around her and closed his eyes. It felt good to have Gemma in his arms again. There had been several times in the last two weeks where he wondered if she would ever let him hold her again. Clay flexed his fingers and grimaced in pain.

Gemma looked at his hands and took one of his hands into hers. "How are your hands doing? Have you been taking your medicine?"

"Not on a regular basis…not like I need to be. I hate giving myself those damn injections…" said Clay. He was used to Gemma doing that for him especially when the pain was unbearable.

"You've got to take better care of yourself Clay…I don't intend to become a widow anytime soon. And you've got Sean to take care of now…he needs his daddy to be able to pick him up." said Gemma.

"I know…just with everything going on. I just haven't been myself. And you know me…I am not going to ask any of the guys to help. Besides, Tig would get too much pleasure out of jabbing me in the hands with a needle. The shots aren't helping as much as they used to anyway." said Clay.

"Well, you need to use the shots on a regular basis like the doctor told you for one…but then he also told you that at some point you might need surgery for those hands. In the meantime I want to schedule a doctor's appointment for you…make he can give you a different prescription or something stronger. I don't like you being in pain unless I am the one that caused it." said Gemma. She smiled on the last statement. "Clay, you've got to face facts that things are changing…we are getting older."

Clay said "Knowing it doesn't make it any easier. When the hell did I get so old…I hate feeling…old…weak…useless. Each day…is one day closer to the day I am going to have to step down."

"Jax is more than ready to take over Clay…and what he doesn't know you will be around to teach him…be an advisor to him. But if you keep pushing yourself out on the road…one of these days you won't come back to me. I lost one husband to the road…I won't lose another…" said Gemma.

He kissed Gemma softly. "You aren't going to lose me…you couldn't get rid of me if you tried. Maybe you should make that doctor's appointment for me."

Gemma massaged his hand hoping to ease the pain a little. "I was going to schedule it for you anyway…" She kissed his hand and laid there with him. "There is a lot that we need to do…we need to get a room ready for Sean at the house…how are you going to handle Alexis?"

"She's done…she can sign over custody of Sean and walk away….or she can disappear…either way this ends now. She left Sean alone for hours and she attacked you…she is out of her damn mind. I am so sorry that she hurt you Gemma. I am sorry for bringing her into our life" said Clay.

"As long as you make sure she is out of our life from now on…I am fine." said Gemma. She was quiet a minute. "I saw Sean asleep this morning before I left…he looks just like you…He is adorable Clay…I am glad to see you are going to take care of your son…a lot of men wouldn't."

"I hope…with time…he will become…our son. You are an amazing mother Gemma…he will need that in his life." said Clay.

"I am here for you and him…and you know how I feel about babies…I love them. And I am sure that I will love him." said Gemma.

"You will fall in love with him as soon as you hold him. I know it..." said Clay.

"We have to go home soon…" said Gemma.

"I know…but for now…I just want to be here with you. Let's forget the world…for just a few hours…then we will go back to reality." said Clay.


	14. Chapter 14

Gemma and Clay laid together for another hour before Gemma spoke. "It is time for us to go home Clay. Jax and Tara have been watching Sean for a couple of hours now. Besides, we need to get you back on a regular schedule when it comes to your medicine. I just need to check out of the hotel. You can head home and I will meet you there." Gemma got out of the bed and put on her shoes. She grabbed her purse and cell phone and waited on Clay.

Clay reluctantly pulled himself out of the bed. It wasn't that the bed was all that comfortable he just didn't want to let Gemma go. "Okay…I will meet you at home then." said Clay. Gemma got ready to walk out of the door and Clay stopped her grabbing her hand and pulling her to him. "I love you." said Clay. He pulled her in against him and kissed her. "Never forget that…" said Clay looking into her eyes.

"I love you too Clay…" said Gemma. She kissed his cheek and left the room and went down to the front desk. She checked out of her room and paid and then left the hotel. Gemma took her time driving home. She pulled up at the house and saw Clay leaning against his bike.

Gemma raised an eyebrow. "Have you been waiting out here long? I took the scenic route back to town."

"I'd wait forever baby…" said Clay with a smirk. Clay walked over and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Clay walked with her up to the house.

Gemma saw that the glass in the front door had been replaced. She took out her keys and unlocked the door and walked into the house. She said "Smells like someone decided to cook." She looked down at the keys in her hands. "I'll get copies made for you tomorrow…."

Clay nodded and said "Okay…thank you Gemma. I should probably head to the club and get my stuff…I don't have anything here and I need a shower. It is okay if I move my stuff back in tonight right?"

"Of course. But why don't you take Jax with you so that he can help you. Jax?" called Gemma walking into the kitchen

Jax was sitting at the kitchen table drinking a beer watching Tara cook dinner. Jax asked "How are you feeling mom?" Jax hugged Gemma.

"I am feeling okay, just a little tired. It is nothing that a little rest won't cure. I need a favor from you. Can you go to the club and help Clay bring home his clothes…?" asked Gemma.

Jax nodded and said "Sure, I can do that. When?"

"I was hoping now..." said Gemma.

"Of course you were. Okay, well dinner won't be ready for another hour or so. I think we can get him packed up and back home before then. Jax looked at Clay. Come on old man." said Jax looking at Clay. Jax walked over to Tara and kissed her. "I will be back soon baby." said Jax. Jax walked out of the kitchen with Clay and they left the house heading over to the club.

Gemma poured herself a glass of the expensive vodka Elliot had left behind. She drank from the glass and tried to settle her nerves. Gemma wasn't sure how well this was going to work or if it was going to work at all. They were still a long way from reconciliation and she worried that Clay didn't truly understand that. Gemma was so much in her own thoughts that she didn't notice Tara sitting at the table with her.

Tara said "Are you really okay Gemma?"

"Okay as I can be under the circumstances…" quipped Gemma with an ironic smirk. She drank more of the vodka and settled down more.

"Well, Clay is moving back in that is a good thing right?" asked Tara.

"Things aren't the same as they used to be…and I don't know that they will ever be…at least not in the near future. Now it is about managing Clay's expectations. I am not ready to just fall into our old routines like this didn't happen. I cannot pretend like he didn't betray me…in the worst possible way. But at the same time he needs me…not just for himself but for Sean as well. He is moving back in but he will be staying in one of the extra rooms…" said Gemma.

"It will take some time and forcing things to be the way they used to be won't help either one of you. But letting him move back in is progress. Right?" asked Tara.

Gemma said "Truth be told…if Clay and Sean didn't need me…I don't know that I would even let Clay move back in right now. I don't know that I am ready to be his wife again. I love him…but there is anger still burning in my heart. And Alexis is still out there…I appreciate you and Jax being here but I think tonight you two should probably go home…"

"Well, you know Jax isn't going to go for that. Alexis still hasn't been found and he isn't about to leave you alone with that lunatic on the loose. Secondly, he doesn't believe that Clay didn't slap you so he definitely is going to want to keep an eye on that situation. And my suggestion to you is…if Clay did slap you…never let Jax know…because he will retroactively kick Clay's ass." said Tara.

"Trust me… I have no intention of ever telling Jax details about our fight…that is another thing Clay and I have to work out. I can't lie…being away from Clay was hard. The entire situation was tough. Everyone in the club knew about Clay's affair with Alexis. The town was talking about why Clay no longer lived here at the house it was humiliating when rumors of an affair started to circulate. All of that was pure hell. But I also enjoyed being single…I haven't been single since…I was a teenager. I enjoyed being by myself sometimes. Doing what I wanted to do." said Gemma. Gemma got up and looked at the flowers sitting on the counter.

"Sorry about moving them I put some more water into the vases for you. Don't worry we took the cards out but I didn't let Jax read them…they're from Elliot aren't they?" asked Tara. "Jax and I did our best to make sure we…erased Elliot's presence in the house…Jax didn't want you to have to explain anything to Clay until you want to…if you ever want to."

Gemma nodded and said "They are from him. Thank you for doing that…Clay would hit the roof. It is fine for him to screw anything in a skirt…but if he knew that I had been seeing someone else…"

"Is Elliot one of the reasons you don't really want to take Clay back right now?" asked Tara looking at Gemma with a curious look. "A package arrived for you today…I didn't open it or anything." Tara got up handing Gemma the package.

"Yes, my time with Elliot is one of the reasons…but not the main reason. Elliot was a good friend to me and he was there for me in a way I needed him to be there for me. I was able to be carefree for at least a little while…and have someone worried about my needs and not the other way around. It was a good feeling…but I think we both knew that our relationship couldn't go anywhere…Elliot is as straight-laced as they come and I couldn't walk a straight line if my life depended on it." said Gemma with a chuckle. "He was just a friend that had been in the same spot I was standing in…and he offered a hand. And I gladly took it." Gemma opened the package and looked inside. It was a stuffed animal version of her former high school's mascot. Gemma chuckled softly and took the card out of the box. The card read:

_Whenever you feel out of sorts just remember the person you have always been. You have always been a strong woman that knew her own mind. Get well soon. If you ever need a friend I am around._

_E.O._

"Maybe you and Clay can see a marriage counselor to help you work through your issues?" asked Tara. "Sometimes it helps to have an unbiased third party to help you sort through all of your issues." Tara watched her reading the card. "Is it from Elliot?"

Gemma shook her head and said "I don't believe in that touchy-feely crap to begin with. Besides, I can't tell the story of my marriage without lying or tap dancing around the truth. The counselor will want to know the dynamics of the relationship…and you can't really know that without outright talking about the copious amounts of felonies Clay has committed over the years. Not that I mind that my husband is a criminal. I've always found it rather sexy. Clay has always been a badass and I have always loved it" She chuckled. Gemma looked at the time and said "Oh…I have something I need to do…" "I will be back soon…"

"You are leaving again? What should I tell Clay?" asked Tara.

"That I will be back soon…" said Gemma. She said "I won't be gone very long." Gemma got up taking the stuffed Lion to her bedroom. She set it on the bed and tucked the card away in her nightstand. Gemma picked up her keys and purse and left the house. She drove over to the town hall wondering if the debate had already started. She walked inside seeing that it hadn't. She picked a space toward the middle of the room and had a seat as the room started to fill up.

The debate lasted an hour. Afterward Gemma left the town hall and climbed into the car. She drove home and realized that Clay and Jax had already made it back home. Gemma's cell phone rang. She looked at the caller ID before answering. "Hi Elliot."

"Hi Gemma. I saw you in the crowd tonight. Thank you for coming out and supporting me." said Elliot.

"Well, I couldn't miss you raking Jacob Hale over the coals in front of half of the town. When you brought up his land grabbing scheme he turned four different shades of red. Nice touch bringing the faked letter he sent you…I wanted to thank you for the gift you sent." said Gemma.

"I can't believe so many people started shouting that he had tried the same scam with them. I think I really got through to people that Jacob is willing to sell our little town part and parcel to the highest bidder and force all of us out in the meantime. The crowd really seemed to have gotten fired up about the whole thing. You don't have to thank me for the gift…It is dorky I know…" said Elliot.

"You did a great job Elliot. If they don't elect you then they are fools. You showed them exactly who Jacob really is…he is a liar and thief and he doesn't give a damn about this town or the people in it. No, it wasn't dorky at all…okay maybe a little. But it was sweet and it is appreciated. Thank you El…" said Gemma.

"Well, I just took your advice from the night of my rally. You are welcome Gemma. How are you doing?" asked Elliot.

"I am doing alright…I have a lot of things to figure out but I am okay. I just wanted to be there for tonight to cheer you on." said Gemma "I think you are going to be an amazing mayor Elliot. You really love this town. I know that you will do right by it. I should get going…" said Gemma.

Elliot said "Thank you Gemma. Oh yeah…well it was nice talking to you. Goodbye." Elliot hung up. He felt conflicted. He felt a connection with Gemma but he couldn't tell if it was camaraderie, friendship, or something more.

Gemma dropped her cell phone back into her purse and got out of the car heading inside. She closed the door behind her.

Clay walked into the living room hearing the door close. "Hi baby. Where did you go?"

"I went to the town hall debate. Did you and Jax get all of your things moved back in?" asked Gemma.

"Most of them…I will bring the rest of it home tomorrow. Are you hungry? We've already eaten but Tara left your food in the oven for you to keep it warm." said Clay.

"I am not hungry right now I will eat later. Where are Tara and Jax?" asked Gemma.

"They were putting Abel to bed the last I knew. They are in the guestroom. Jax said he isn't leaving until Alexis is taken care of..." said Clay.

"I need to take a shower." said Gemma. She kissed Clay's cheek and walked out of the living room leaving him there. She went into her room and closed the door. She went and grabbed a hot shower letting the water just wash over her. She stayed in there until the water turned lukewarm. Gemma stepped out of the shower and dried off. Gemma reapplied her bandages and winced in pain. She wrapped a towel around her and walked into the bedroom.

Clay was sitting on her bed.

Gemma was startled for a minute. "Hi…" said Gemma. She walked over to the dresser and pulled out some clothes. She stepped back into the bathroom closing the door to get dressed. She came back out and said "What are you doing in here?" asked Gemma. She was carrying his injections. "Come on…show me those hands."

"I wanted to talk to you…alone…I didn't mean to scare you Gemma." said Clay when she came back out. Clay stretched his fingers tiredly and said "Maybe it will help."

Gemma sat next to him on the bed and gave him the injection in both of his hands. She got up and threw away the syringe. She sat back down. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I was hoping that you would want to meet Sean…" said Clay.

Gemma nodded and said "Sure I would like that. Why don't you go and get him?" Gemma scooted back on the bed so that she was resting against the headboard.

"Okay I will be right back." said Clay. He left the room and came back a few minutes later with 5 month old Sean. Sean was wide awake when Clay brought him into the room. Clay handed Sean to Gemma. "We both need you Gemma…I can't raise him on my own…he needs a mother…to love him…take care him…" "Alexis abandoned him…she doesn't know how to be a mother and she doesn't want to be a mother…"

Gemma looked down at Sean's face and saw his piercing blue eyes that reminded her so much of Clay's eyes. She cradled the baby in her arms and watched him suck on his pacifier contentedly. She had a million different emotions running through her. There was this precious baby that Clay was asking her to love and take care of as her own. And yet at any moment Alexis could walk back into their lives and try to take him away. That was a pain that Gemma couldn't stomach. Gemma lightly smoothed down Sean's blonde hair. "He is going to be a heartbreaker for sure. We are going to need to go shopping for him…I don't want anything that came out of her house."

Clay nodded and said "We can do that…whatever you need you know you can buy it." Clay was relieved to hear that Gemma was on board.

"Not me by myself. You will go with me. He is your son…you are going to help shop for him." said Gemma.

"I know this isn't the way you wanted a family Gemma…but thank you." said Clay.

"We don't always get to choose what life gives us…we just have to make the best of it…and I couldn't turn my back on any baby in need…especially not a baby…that shares half of his DNA with the man I love." said Gemma. "What about Alexis?" asked Gemma.

"We will find her…she won't be a problem Gemma. You have my word. I know that isn't worth much right now…but it is all I have to give." said Clay.

Gemma just nodded. She looked at the clock and saw that it was close to 10:00. She rocked Sean and for a moment shut down everything else buzzing in her head and focused on this perfect little baby in her arms.


	15. Chapter 15

Around midnight Gemma had managed to put Sean to sleep and she got up and laid him in his portable crib. Clay had been laying in her bed the entire time. Gemma said "Sean is a great baby Clay…I am glad that you have a son now…why didn't you ever tell me you wanted children?" She shook her head and said "Never mind, it is late and I am tired. I think I need some sleep."

"He is a great baby. Peaceful mostly. I've been taking care of him at the club. I think he was getting used to my wood paneled room there. It never seemed like the right time for a baby…Well, you have had a long day…" said Clay

"Sore…but not hurting as much. But a good night's rest should be good for me. I haven't had much sleep the last couple of days. Hopefully, I will be able to sleep for most of the night. Does Sean wake up a lot?" said Gemma.

"You know I can stay and hold you…if you want. Maybe once or twice looking for a bottle or to be changed. He usually goes to sleep after that." offered Clay.

"That is a very sweet offer, but I just want to get some rest. You can leave Sean in here if you'd like to…" said Gemma wanting to spend some time with Sean.

Clay got out of her bed and said "How long…are we going to be like this…together but apart?"

"Until we work things out…I know this is hard for you Clay but I still need time and I need you to understand that…I am not doing this to punish…I just don't want to rush back into anything…we have a lot of things that we need to work out. I love you and I want this to work out." said Gemma. Gemma was quiet for a minute. "Are unhappy with me Clay?"

"What? Of course not Gemma. I love you. My affair…had nothing to do with you or with my happiness here at home. It was my own stupidity…looking mortality in the face and being scared of it. I am an old man and I don't want to be." said Clay.

"We all get old Clay…I am getting older too…I mean I am going through menopause for God's sake. But we have a lot of good years ahead of us we've just got to depend on one another. And I know you say that it has nothing to do with me…but think about how it makes me feel that you had to go out in the world…to find what you were missing…you don't think I feel that way sometimes too?" said Gemma.

"Have you been unhappy with me Gemma?" asked Clay looking at her for a minute.

Gemma said "It is too late for this conversation Clay...why don't we talk about things later...okay?"

"I'll take that as a yes then." said Clay

"Can this wait until tomorrow?" asked Gemma moving to get up.

"No, I want to talk...please. Have you been unhappy in our marriage?" said Clay reaching over and taking her hand.

"We have had our good times and bad times Clay like all marriages. I have been happy with you...you have always gone out of your way to make me happy baby. I've never wanted for anything that I have needed. And you have loved me...at times when I don't know that anyone else could. You love me despite the fact that I can be a cold hearted bitch...that would scare a lot of men away in a hurry. But I have to admit...after I found out about you cheating it made me evaluate everything I had given up or not done to be in this relationship with you. I can't say that it is your fault. You never asked me to sacrifice I just did. But I did just the same. I wanted more children Clay…we could have tried to adopt." said Gemma.

Clay sat there a little stunned. "I didn't mean what I said Gemma…I said it to take the coward's way out. To explain what I had done…to make excuses for myself where there were none. I took advantage of your love and your trust and I wanted an easy way out. I am sorry for saying that to you…I really am. You make my life worthwhile Gemma. God knows I would have married you the day John died if you would have let me. And I watched you grieve for him and I wondered if you could ever love me as much as you loved him. I don't just want you in my life…I need you. You have always been right there for me…every tough decision I have ever had to make…"

Gemma looked into his eyes and saw how much he truly did love her. Gemma hugged him and just sat there with him for a moment. "We are going to get back to where we need to be…we just have to have patience baby…patience."

Clay kissed her softly and said "I love you Gemma…and I will wait however long it takes but I miss you…" His hands caressed her back and drifted down to rest on her butt. Clay nuzzled her neck kissing it lightly. "You smell amazing. I miss feeling your body against mines."

"If you can't sleep in my bed…I know you don't think you are going to have sex with me." said Gemma incredulously.

"We've been a part for so long…" whispered Clay against her neck. "I don't think we have ever went without sex this long as long as we have been married...except for when I was in prison…you've got to be missing me as much as I am missing you." said Clay sliding his hands up the back of her tank top. "Seeing you in that towel earlier drove me crazy… I just wanted to pull it off of you and have my way with you. You didn't have to go back into the bathroom to get dressed you know…I am well acquainted with every inch of your body…" Clay tried pulling her tank top up. He walked her backwards and pushed her down onto the bed and climbed on top of her. He kissed her and said "We need this Gemma." He was so sure of his powers to seduce Gemma.

Gemma shoved Clay and said "Get the hell off me of Clay. I am not having sex with you Clay…we are nowhere near being there…I just don't feel that…definitely not with you. I need time…you are just going to have to accept that. You have a hand and the playboy channel...work it out. But this…isn't happening. No amount of pressure is going to make me give in. And I dressed in the bathroom earlier because there was no sense in showing you what you can't have."

"Damn it Gemma that shit hurt! I know things have been bad but…whenever you and I make love Gemma…we always click into place…it seems like everything else just fades to the background and it is just the two of us." said Clay still on top of her.

"I don't want to make love to you. If we did anything right now it would be just sex…and I can get that anywhere. And it won't get us any closer to reconciling. Goodnight Clay." said Gemma scooting from under his heavy body.

Clay walked out of the room annoyed and disappointed. He walked out of the bedroom slamming the door which woke up Sean. Sean started crying his little heart out.

Gemma flung open the bedroom door. "You stupid son of bitch!" "You can put him back to sleep."

Clay groaned and walked back into the bedroom. He picked up Sean and had a seat on Gemma's bed trying to put him to sleep. "I am sorry buddy I didn't mean to scare you." whispered Clay to his son.

"I am going to get something to eat." said Gemma walking out of the room. She went into the kitchen and ate dinner alone trying to calm her temper.

Clay managed to get Sean to sleep after 30 minutes and walked into the kitchen seeing Gemma looking at the flowers on the counter. "I wanted to say that I am sorry Gemma. It is hard being around you and not touching you…I am not used to that."

"Don't make me regret letting you come home." said Gemma.

"I won't…" said Clay. He looked at the flowers. "Those are nice…who sent them to you? Was it Jax?" asked Clay.

Gemma said "Goodnight Clay." Gemma put her dishes in the dishwasher and started it up and walked out of the kitchen leaving Clay standing there.

Clay followed her out of the kitchen. "Gemma…I asked you a question…who are those flowers from?"

"I heard you the first time…my silence should have told you that I didn't intend to answer you." said Gemma.

"Are they from a friend or….from another man?" asked Clay. He had looked for the cards for the flowers earlier but they had mysteriously gone missing. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"They are from a friend and that is all I have to say on that. Don't come around here thinking you can interrogate me." said Gemma.

"What have you been doing while I was gone?" asked Clay feeling his anger start to grow. "I see you changed the house around…"

"I don't have time for this…I am tired Clay. Goodnight…" She went to her bedroom and checked on Sean seeing that he was indeed back to sleep. She climbed into her bed and tiredly closed her eyes. She felt exhausted and knew that this would be the pattern for awhile.

Clay stood there staring at her closed bedroom door. He walked to his room and tried to go to bed for the night.

Later on that night…

Tig had a tip from a local drug dealer about where he might find Alexis. He had made a deal with this same dealer earlier in the day. Tig was getting tired of looking for her. Mostly, Tig just wanted her dead. Not that he had anything against her personally, but she was more trouble than she was worth. Tig blamed Alexis for the upheaval in Clay and Gemma's marriage which was causing tension in the club. She was disrupting their dysfunctional little family and this was all that Tig had. He had children but he never saw them. He didn't have much family to speak of. The club was his life and this affair and its aftermath was threatening to put all of that in jeopardy. There were rumors swirling around the club that Gemma was divorcing Clay and that she already had a lawyer. There were rumors that she was going to sell off her half of the Teller-Morrow garage to an outsider. All of this trouble over a piece of ass like Alexis Tig would never understand it.

Tig drove through the area Alexis had last been seen in by her dealer. He slowed down spotting the park that the dealer mentioned. Tig parked his truck and got out. He took a stroll through the park to see if he saw anything. He stopped at a bench seeing a person having what appeared to be a seizure. Tig realized that it was Alexis and she was currently overdosing. He reached for his cell phone but stopped. He could call the paramedics and save her life…or he could let her die right there…no more problems…and it wouldn't be anyone's fault…drug addicts overdose all time. Tig was still debating with himself when she stopped seizing and just laid there. Tig walked away and went back to his truck and went back to Charming. This would be a problem for the Stockton PD. It was 4:00 in the morning…certainly someone would find her body once the sun was up.

Tig went to the club and crashed. He decided not to tell Clay or anyone else that he had found Alexis. He had made the decision he thought was best for everyone involved but that didn't mean that Clay wouldn't hold it against him. No, this would have to be a secret that Tig took to his grave. But Tig had a lot of those secrets so it wasn't anything new. Leaving Alexis to die in the park wouldn't be a secret that he lost any sleep over.

Clay was lying in his bed wide awake. He was having a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep, He was glad to be back home but he hated the fact that he was in the guestroom instead of in the bed with his wife. His wife that was acting strange and that worried him. Just what had Gemma been up to during their separation? It had never occurred to him that she could have been seeing another man…until now. Clay shook his head. He had to be crazy. There was no way that Gemma would be seeing another man. Gemma was his wife she knew what her being with another man would do to him. He looked at the clock and decided to call Tig to see if there was any progress on finding Alexis.

Tig answered his phone after a couple of rings. "Hey Clay is everything okay?"

"I was just calling to see if you made any progress finding Alexis?" asked Clay.

"Not yet but I will start looking again once it is daylight out. Maybe she fell asleep in her car somewhere. How are things there?" said Tig.

"I don't understand how someone that doesn't really know the area can just disappear off of our radar. Everything is…do you know if any of the guys came over to check on Gemma while I was staying at the club?" asked Clay thinking that maybe it was one of the guys that had sent Gemma flowers.

"I don't know…I think all of the guys might have stopped over at some point to see how she was doing…why do you ask?" asked Tig.

"No reason….let me know when you know something about Alexis. I want to handle this as soon as possible. I need her to sign over custody of Sean and then she needs to leave town and go to rehab or whatever else…but she can't be here anymore. She can't even be close to here. If I am going to have any chance of making this right with Gemma, Alexis has got to be completely out of the picture." said Clay hanging up.


	16. Chapter 16

Gemma woke up a few times in the night to take care of Sean but all in all it was a good night for her. She woke up early that morning laid in her bed enjoying the silence of the morning. She could hear movement outside her door and figured that Jax and Tara had already gotten up for the morning. She glanced at her clock and realized that it was 7:00 in the morning. She looked over at the portable crib and saw Sean still fast asleep. She got out of the bed and walked over to his crib and looked down watching him sleep for a moment. She smiled to herself and then walked into the bathroom to get a shower and get her day started. She had a lot of things she wanted to get done today. One of those things was buying a real crib for Sean.

She took a long hot shower trying to perk herself up for the day ahead. She got out and dried off and reapplied her bandages. She winced looking at her wounds and shook her head. Gemma got dressed for the day. She walked out of the bedroom leaving the door open and nearly ran into Clay. "Good Morning." said Gemma.

"Morning baby. I was just coming to see if you were awake and check on Sean. Did Sean sleep okay last night?" said Clay leaning in to kiss her. "How did you sleep?" asked Clay taking a sip from his cup of coffee.

"I slept good. Sean did good too. He only woke up a few times. He is still asleep right now. Mmm…coffee I could definitely use a cup of coffee." said Gemma.

"That is good…I am glad that both of you were able to get a good night's rest. I know the other night was…" said Clay trailing off. He didn't know what to say about the fact that his mistress had stabbed Gemma in their home. "How are you feeling?" asked Clay.

"I feel good Clay. I am in a little pain but nothing serious. I am sure I will be better in a few days. So what do you have planned for today? I want to go shopping for Sean and I want you to go with me." said Gemma. She didn't know if he had any club business to deal with that morning.

"I don't have anything I need to do right away. What time do you want to go shopping?" asked Clay.

"I was thinking we could go after we eat some breakfast. We can take Sean with us on the shopping trip. It shouldn't take too long. I have a pretty good idea of what things I want to pick up. I made a list this morning. I'll ask Jax to put together the furniture we buy." said Gemma.

"I can put it together Gemma." said Clay bristling at the insinuation that he was incapable of doing so.

"Clay…I want to pick up a crib, changing table, bookcase, that is a lot for you to try to put together especially with you not taking your medicine regularly. You can end up being in serious pain." said Gemma.

"I can do it." snapped Clay.

Gemma raised an eyebrow at him. "Then do it damn it. I really don't care. I am not the one that will be in pain for being a stubborn ass." Gemma brushed by him and walked into the kitchen were Tara and Jax were. Tara was cooking breakfast.

Jax said "Mornin' ma…"

Gemma said "Good morning baby. Hi Tara." Gemma walked over the counter and poured herself a cup of coffee. She had a seat at the table across from Jax. "You know that you, Tara, and Abel can go home tonight. I am okay here. I don't like inconveniencing you like this."

"Good Morning Gemma. I am making breakfast for everyone. I hope pancakes are okay. And it isn't an inconvenience. The guestroom is really comfortable. Anyway if we were at home Jax would just be worried about what is going on over here and making me miserable." said Tara.

"Pancakes sound great to me especially since I didn't have to cook them. By the way dinner was good last night. I enjoyed the left overs. Thank you for making breakfast sweetheart." said Gemma enjoying her coffee.

Jax said "I am not leaving you here until I know what is going on with Alexis. She stabbed you…in this house. That will not happen again on my watch. I am not going to budge on that. She could have seriously hurt you or killed you. She is unstable and has probably been getting high for the last 48 hours or so. You don't know what kind of state she is in."

Gemma raised an eyebrow but knew how stubborn her son could be. "I am sure that Alexis will be found and in the mean time I don't think she will return here. If she does I will be better prepared this time. She caught me off guard the other night. It will not happen again. Besides, Clay is here if anything happens."

Jax said "Yeah him being here is one of the reasons that I am here too." Jax drank more of his coffee leaning back in the chair. He still hadn't let go of his previous issue. He still thought Clay had hit Gemma.

"Clay and I have worked things out and we are okay. Married couples have arguments…Clay and I are going to argue we always have, you know that Jackson. But some of the work we need to do on our relationship needs to be done without an audience in the house. He already feels bad that you and Tara know that he is sleeping in the spare room. Things like this are hard on a man's pride. You know that." said Gemma.

"That isn't what it sounded like last night with doors slamming in the middle of the night. I can't prove that he hit you the night that all of this started but I know in my heart that he did. No one gets to smack my mother around on my watch…not even her husband. You relationship is your own and I am not telling you how to run it. But I am telling you that I am not going to let him beat on you because he feels like it. Or is this not the first time that he has laid hands on you?" asked Jax.

Clay walked into the kitchen and looked at the faces in the kitchen. "What is going on?" asked Clay wondering why all of the gazes in the kitchen turned to Clay.

Gemma cleared her throat. "I was just telling Jax that he could go home tonight with his family. I have you here to act as guard in case Alexis shows up again." Gemma gave Jax a look to tell him not to go back to the subject they were talking about. She knew it would hurt Clay he wasn't that type of man and he really did love her.

Jax said "Well, I was asking if this was the first time you had ever put your hands on her or is this a regular occurrence? She is obviously lying for you. Hell, even Opie thought that much. And then the morning after the fight she takes off to Las Vegas for ten days…didn't stop by to see me or anything. Was it to hide her bruises from me?"

"What the hell are you asking me?" asked Clay incredulously and with anger flashing in his eyes. "I would never lay a hand on your mother. You should know that. You lived in this house with us when you were younger. Gemma and I have gotten into plenty of fights and I've never laid a hand on her."

"Don't act like it is so out of your wheelhouse. You grabbed her several months back outside of Caracara and you looked like you might have hit her if I hadn't been there to get in between the two of you. And two weeks ago she had a hand shaped red mark on her face when I walked into that room to break up the fight. You had her hemmed up against the wall. You want to tell me she got that red mark on her face while you were arguing in the bedroom? You tell me what piece of furniture made that mark on her face and I will let it go." said Jax holding his ground.

"You little son of a…." said Clay.

"Say bitch….go ahead I dare you." said Jax standing up.

"That is enough both of you…Jackson…sit down…Clay you sit down too. We are going to work this shit out…right now." said Gemma.

Jax looked at Gemma and had a seat at the table.

Clay had a seat at the other end.

It was like some odd standoff. Clay was sitting at the head of the table at one end and Jax was sitting at the head of the table at the other end. Gemma was sitting in a chair next to Jax.

Gemma said "I don't want the two of you fighting about this…about me at all. I left for Las Vegas because I was hurt and angry and I needed to put some space between me and Clay. That is all. I was not hiding any bruises, because if Clay had really bruised me I would have slit his throat in his sleep. Clay does not hit me. We were just having a very emotional fight. I am the one that kept beating the hell out of him. You need to let this go Jackson…we don't need another rift running through the club…especially over something that didn't even happen."

Jax looked from his mother to Clay and from Clay back to his mother. "Clay let's go outside and talk." Jax stood up from the table and walked out of the kitchen.

Clay got up and said "Fine." He walked out as well.

Tara gave Gemma a worried look.

Jax and Clay walked outside and Jax leaned against Gemma's car.

"Son…I would never hurt your mother. I love that woman. I know this situation has been hard for you too because you feel like you are in the middle. And I am sorry that I put you in a position to even have to deal with this. But you have my word that I will never put my hands on Gemma. I swear my life on that. I don't want to fight with you. You've been my son for 17 years…my nephew for longer than that…I love you kid." said Clay.

Jax leaned against Gemma's car taking in everything Clay was saying. Jax said "Alright, I believe you. I just…worry about mom. I let her down when Zobelle's crew was able to get to her. And afterward she was in all of this pain emotionally even after the physical signs left. And I saw it…but I didn't say anything to her because…I am used to her being able to take care of herself. And then she told us…that she had been gang raped and she had carried that around…for so long…to protect you…to protect me. I promised myself that I would never ignore the signs again. And lately she's been like that again…like she's holding everything in…something that is causing her a lot of pain…I just don't want to miss anything that big again. So…I am sorry for accusing you of hitting her…"

Clay stared at Jax realizing his step-son was carrying the weight of Gemma's rape on his shoulders. "You know that isn't your fault…Your mom is a strong woman and she doesn't like appearing weak and she is going to hold in a lot of stuff because…that is who she is…over the years I have learned that all I can do is love her and wait for her to get to the point where she can talk to me. Right now she is hurting because of what my affair did to her…and she probably doesn't want to talk to you about it…but you can't go around carrying the guilt of not knowing about the rape…because you couldn't have known. You are my son and I don't want to fight with you."

Jax nodded and said "Maybe you are right…I don't want to fight with you either old man." Jax said "Come on let's go inside and let mom know that we are okay." Jax walked by Clay and clapped him on the back.

Clay and Jax walked back into the house and Tara was setting the pancakes and bacon on the table.

Tara glanced between the two men. "You both have great timing breakfast is ready."

Tara had a seat at the table on the other side of Jax.

Jax said "I talked to Clay…and I believe him…so…Tara and I will go home tonight to give the two of you some privacy. If anything comes up with Alexis just call me."

Gemma smiled glad to hear that he and Clay had settled things. "You have my word that I will call you if Alexis shows up."

Everyone had a quiet breakfast and then Gemma and Clay left with Sean to go shopping.


	17. Chapter 17

For the better part of three days Clay and Gemma worked on establishing a new routine for their life. Clay would leave early for work. Gemma would stay home a few extra hours to spend time with Sean. She was enjoying bonding with him. But in the back of her mind she worried about Alexis showing up and taking Sean away from them. Gemma stood in Sean's nursery looking around. The room had come together quickly and she was happy with the results. Gemma and Clay spent an entire afternoon buying everything Sean would need including the furniture for his nursery and paint to paint it. Gemma had finally convinced Clay to stop being stubborn and let the guys from the club help him get the room together. So Gemma bought plenty of beer and snacks and ordered up several pizzas and all of the guys came over to help out.

Clay was beginning to wonder if Gemma had something to do with Alexis' disappearance. Clay had been looking high and low and so far Alexis hadn't turned up. He figured that surely by now Alexis would have resurfaced to try to get money out of him. Clay wanted to ask Gemma about Alexis but their relationship was so tenuous right now he couldn't risk seeming sympathetic to the woman that stabbed her. Gemma was working on their relationship but she was keeping Clay at arm's length and he didn't know how to get passed the wall she was putting up in their relationship. And that wall would only get higher after they had a conversation tonight.

Clay walked into the house carrying a dozen of roses and a blue velvet box containing a gift for Gemma. He had been dreading having this conversation with Gemma and had ordered the gift two days ago from the local jeweler. He hoped that the flowers and the gift would help smooth over the situation. Clay called out. "Gemma?"

Gemma walked out of the nursery and said "Hey baby. How was the meeting?" Gemma walked over to Clay kissing his cheek. "Flowers? What is the occasion?" asked Gemma looking at Clay curiously. It wasn't the flowers that had caught her eyes it was the conspicuous jewelry box.

Clay said "The meeting was pretty long we had a lot of things to discuss. Why don't you have a seat on the couch? I just wanted to buy you something nice." Clay handed Gemma the flowers and the box. Clay looked at her wondering how he was going to spit this out. They were in a fragile place and he wondered if this would make things worse.

Gemma threw a suspicious glance at Clay before sitting down on the couch. "Well, thank you…" Gemma set the roses down on the table and opened the blue velvet box and looked at the diamond bracelet. Gemma ran her fingers over the diamonds and then snapped the box closed and set it on the table. "It is beautiful Clay…but I don't believe that…this is just a random gift…what is going on?"

Clay said "There is a run coming up…we have to go out to Indian Hills, Nevada to handle some business with Jury…we'll probably be up there for about 3 or 4 days. Piney and Bobby are going to stay behind to keep an eye on things here if you need anything you know to just tell them and they will handle it."

"So you thought that buying me flowers and a diamond bracelet would help cushion the blow? Work is work and I get that Clay. You have to do what you have to do." said Gemma. But the look on her face was a scowl. Jury was the president of the Indian Hills chapter of SOA. He had been a long time friend of John's but that wasn't the problem. The problem was that Jury ran a prostitution ring and when the boys went to Indian Hills it was like a free for all.

Clay saw the scowl on her face and reached over taking her hand. "I know that you are angry and worried…but I made a promise to you Gemma and I intend to keep it. That part of my life is over. I just want to focus on you and on Sean. I will be keeping to myself on this trip. But it is too big to send the boys without me…"

Gemma didn't know what was worse knowing or not knowing. She had always accepted that Clay was going to bag a whore or two while he was on the road but that was all it was and she generally didn't pay it any attention. She had accepted that part of club life a long time ago. But after finding out he had kept a steady girlfriend in Tacoma it made her wonder what other secrets he had from her. Where there others? Had there been others in the past? Her mind ran over the possibilities but her mouth was clenched tight to prevent the questions from cascading out of her mouth like a tidal wave of bitterness and suspicion. Gemma took a few minutes to collect her thoughts before she was willing to open her mouth. "When is the trip?" asked Gemma as coolly as she could manage.

"We need to leave tomorrow. That is why the meeting was so long tonight we were working out the logistics for everything. We'll roll out in the morning…Hap will be driving the van…we are disguising it as a charity run. It is a pretty big shipment so we need all of the help we can get. We will be assembling the stock once we get there." said Clay.

"You waited until tonight to tell me? When you have obviously known for days…full disclosure is there for a reason Clay. You want to me to starting trusting you again then you need to start being straight with me again. If not this is not going to work out." Full-disclosure was something that she learned was important early in her relationship with John. John told her everything about the club and the business that the club conducted. There were no secrets between them about anything. She had convinced John that the best way for her to support him was to know everything she was supporting him in. Full-disclosure had made her privy to some gruesome things but it had made her bond with John strong. She had enacted the same policy in her marriage with Clay…he could tell her anything and everything and she would take it all in. And it had made their bond strong but all of that changed when she found out Alexis it shook the very foundation of their relationship.

Clay sat there for a minute and said "I didn't want to have to tell you Gemma. We are barely on an even keel right now…the last thing I wanted to do was tell you I was going on a run where there are more whores than I can count. Because I knew it would make you upset…"

"You can't worry about upsetting me…I need the truth. I can't have anymore lies Clay or…omissions of the truth…I can't stomach it. So just tell me the truth from now on. Don't hold anything back no matter how you think it might make me feel. I need to know the truth. That is the only way we get back to where we used to be." said Gemma.

Clay said "Alright then you have my word…from now on I will go back to what we used to do…I'll tell you everything straight off…no holding back." Clay caressed her cheek and leaned his head against hers. "I just want to make you happy baby."

"I am getting back to being happy…" said Gemma.

"I love you Gemma. And if you are angry or upset you can tell me…we can talk about it if you want to. I can't go to Indian Hills knowing that you are angry with me or that you don't trust me while I am gone. I promise I won't scr…." Clay was cut off by Gemma.

"Don't make any promises Clay…just go on this trip and be safe and focus on what is important okay…keep your head in the game where it belongs." said Gemma. That was her role…making sure that Clay was ready to go out into the world. His life was a dangerous one and going on a run was even more dangerous. The road could claim his life, he could be attacked by a rival club, or picked up by the police for illegal activities. Every time he left that house and went on a long haul there was a chance that she would never see him again. More than that he was responsible for the lives of the other men in the club that she loved like family. He needed to be able to focus for their sakes as well. There was no way that in good conscience she could allow him to worry about their marital problems the night before he left. "Are you hungry? I made dinner earlier." said Gemma.

"Yeah, I am hungry and pretty tired at that. I think after dinner I want to get a shower and go to bed. How is Sean?" asked Clay getting up from the couch.

Gemma said "He is doing good. He fell asleep about an hour ago." Gemma got up and picked up the roses from the table. Gemma went into the kitchen and she started heating up dinner for him. "Getting him to go to sleep was hard with the television on. Every time he heard a sound he popped his little head up and looked around. So I sat with him in the nursery." Gemma put the roses in some water and set them on the table.

Clay had a seat at the table and said "It is going to be weird being away from you and the little guy. Hopefully, the days will go quickly so that I can come back home."

Gemma said "I am sure that they will. Jury knows how to throw a good party. I am sure that you will be drunk off your ass every night." Gemma chuckled and brought his dinner over to the table. She had a seat across from him and lit her cigarette. "We will be fine here without you but we will miss you." said Gemma with a smile.

"Do you want me to bring you back something nice?" asked Clay as he ate dinner. "This is good baby thank you."

Gemma laughed and said "You will be bringing back a stack of cash right? That is enough of a gift for me…"

Clay laughed and said "That is my girl…eye always on the prize. It should be a nice haul when we split the cash. I'll be bringing my portion home to you." He winked at her.

Gemma smirked and said "And I'll be taking a portion of your portion for myself." She laughed and smoked her cigarette.

He chuckled and said "Yea, I know the routine. You hide money around here but I swear I never know where you hide it…how come you know where my money is but I don't know where your stash is?"

"Because you love me…that is why you tell me where you hide your money. And because you are a silly man. Who says I only have one stash? I've been putting away my money since John was my husband." said Gemma chuckled.

Clay laughed and said "Just how much money do you have stashed around here? I feel like I am out of the loop. But you are right I do love you. I'd give you anything you wanted Gemma…you know that right…" He was quiet for a minute and said "Did you ever get rid of that lawyer you hired?"

Gemma said "I paid his retainer for two months so technically he is still my lawyer for the duration of that time but I am not contemplating divorce anymore."

"When you first said you were going to file for a legal separation…it felt like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. It never occurred to me that I could lose you for good. It was a wakeup call for me. I am going to do everything in my power to make sure that you never feel like you need something like that again." said Clay.

Gemma said "I just needed some time without you to figure things out for myself. Our time apart gave me that opportunity. But you are back where you belong and that is what matters."

Clay nodded and finished eating his dinner. He finished eating and relaxed back in chair. "That was great Gemma. It hit the spot. I am going to go get a shower." He stood up from the table and walked around kissing the top of Gemma's head. He walked out of the kitchen.

Gemma cleaned up from dinner and then went to her room and changed for bed. She put on a pair of lounge pants and a tank top. She walked to Clay's room and sat on his bed waiting for him to come back from taking his shower.

Clay walked into the room after awhile and was surprised to see Gemma sitting on his bed. "Is everything okay?"

"Sure everything is fine…I wanted to come and give you your injections and…I thought maybe we could cuddle for a little while." said Gemma.

Clay sat next to her and said "I stopped in to check on Sean before I came to bed. He was fast asleep. I would like that Gemma."

Gemma got his injection ready and injected both of his hands. She got up and disposed of the syringe and then walked back over to his bed climbing into it all the way.

Clay scooted back onto the bed and laid back with her. He pulled her to him gently.

Gemma reached over and turned off the bedside lamp. "I love you Clay…"

"I love you too Gemma." said Clay kissing her softly. He held her and closed his eyes. It had been awhile since she had let him hold her and he was enjoying this moment not knowing how long it would last.

Gemma laid there quietly in Clay's arms and thought about how strange things could be. There was a time when the best place in the world for her was to be in Clay's arms. She laid there with him wanting to feel that feeling again. She wanted to feel that warmth that let her know that everything was going to be okay. She wanted to know that this was the same man that she had given 17 years of her life to. But more importantly she wanted to put his mind at ease before he left the house in the morning. She needed to be his rock so that was what she was going to be.


	18. Chapter 18

Gemma ended up falling asleep in Clay's bed. Gemma slept for a few hours before she heard Sean crying. She got out of the bed and went to his room to check on him. She changed him and made a bottle for him. Gemma sat down in the glider in his room and rocked him as he finished his bottle. "You are wide awake huh…me too." said Gemma to Sean looking at his little blue eyes looking around as he laid in Gemma's arms.

Clay rolled over looking for Gemma and wondered if she had gone to her bedroom. He got up and waked to her room and saw she wasn't there. He saw the light on in the nursery. Clay walked into the room watching Gemma with Sean. "You are good with him you know." said Clay with a small smile.

Gemma smiled and said "Babies are easy...love them, feed them, change them, play with them...they don't need much else." "You should be sleep you are leaving early in the morning."

Clay nodded and said "I woke up after you got out of the bed. I wondered where you were. You know I sleep like shit when you aren't next to me. Thank you for doing this for me...taking care of Sean the way that you are. It means a lot to me."

"Well, he is a baby...he didn't do anything wrong…he was just born into this crazy world. All he wants is to be loved and taken care of and I can do that. Still no word on Alexis?' asked Gemma looking at Clay wondering if he had found out where she was and just not told her.

Clay shook his head and said "I haven't heard anything it is like she dropped off the face of the Earth...but she is always needy for money...by now she would have contacted me for money at the least...makes me wonder if she had help disappearing."

Gemma quirked an eyebrow at his comment and then stared him down. "If you have something to ask me Clay Morrow then ask me...don't be a coward and beat around the bush." Gemma burped Sean setting his empty bottle on the table next to the glider. She tickled the baby's stomach making him giggle.

"I wasn't suggesting anything Gemma...I was just saying that with her disappearing like this...it makes me wonder if something hasn't happened to her. The sooner I can find her the sooner she can be out of our lives for good. Right now she is sort of hanging over our heads." said Clay.

Gemma didn't believe him completely but nodded. "That is a sentiment I understand. I keep worrying that she is going to come back for Sean...I don't want to lose him...especially not to her...she can't be trusted to take care of him the way he needs to be cared for. And I don't know…I am sort of getting attached the the little guy."

Clay nodded and said "Yeah, I thought she would be okay...but...after I told her she had to go to rehab she went off the deep end. She was pissed...she left Sean alone in the house by himself for...who knows how long. I should have been more aware of the state that she was in. But at least he is safe now and so are you. It never occurred to me that she would try to go after you. I am glad that he is with you I know that I can go out of town and know that he is going to be okay and well taken care of while I am away. And her sweeping in and taking Sean back is something you will not have to worry about. I am going to have Rosen handle the custody situation when she resurfaces…she can't be trusted around Sean…maybe one day she will be off drugs but for now…she's no good for him."

"What time are you going to the club today?" asked Gemma getting up from the glider and laying Sean down in his crib. She pulled his blue blanket over him making sure he was covered.

"The ride is supposed to start at 10:00. So I will probably leave here at sure everyone actually gets there. I told Tig to stay sober…but you know him he likes to stock up on booze and women before a ride." said Clay.

Gemma glanced at the boat shaped clock on the dresser. "Well, it is two in the morning you still have six hours that you can sleep. You need to go back to bed so that you can get all the rest you can manage. Come on...let's go back to bed."

"You are coming with me?" asked Clay surprised.

"Well, you said you don't sleep well without me. I want to make sure you are ready for this trip. Besides...I sort of miss having you arms around me. I enjoyed falling asleep with you tonight and waking up to you snoring like a Grizzly bear." said Gemma honestly. She turned out the light in Sean's room and walked out of the bedroom with Clay. They walked back to Clay's room and Gemma climbed into the bed first.

Clay climbed in after her and wrapped his arms around her. He kissed her softly. "Goodnight baby...I love you." Clay closed his eyes tiredly but he definitely was at peace for the moment. He smiled to himself liking that they were making progress.

"I love you too Clay." whispered Gemma in response. She closed her eyes tiredly and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Gemma got out of the bed around 7:30 she got the coffee and breakfast started so that Clay could leave on time.

Clay woke up and walked into the bathroom and took a shower. He dried off and got dressed for the day. He put on his vest and his bandanna and walked into Sean's room. Sean was still fast asleep. Clay had a seat holding him. "I am going to be gone for a couple of days kid...but Gemma is going to take good care of you while I am gone..."

Gemma heard the doorbell ring. She looked at the time and wondered who would be here this early. The guys always waited for Clay at the club. Gemma walked to the door and looked out the peephole seeing men in suits. "Clay..." called Gemma knowing that they were law enforcement of some type.

Clay laid Sean back down in the crib and walked into the living room. "What's wrong?" asked Clay.

"There are police at the door." said Gemma.

Clay nodded and said "I will answer the door." Clay walked to the door and opened it.

A man in a blue suit said "I am Detective Rollins and this is Detective Slater. Is Clarence Morrow here?" Both detectives flashed their badges at Clay.

Clay looked at the badges and saw that they were from the Stockton Police Department. "I am Clarence Morrow...how can I help you?" asked Clay

"Do you know a woman named Alexis Marshall?" asked Detective Rollins.

Clay said "Yes, she is my son's mother...what is this about...please come inside." Clay moved to let both of the men into the house.

"Where is her son she didn't have a child with her…" said Rollins worried that they had a missing baby on their hands as well. "We have some unfortunate news to share with you...Ms. Marshall was found unconscious in Forrester Park out in Stockton about a few days. She didn't have any identification on her or anything. It took us a few days to make identification on her by her fingerprints. She is still in the hospital at the moment but her chances of survival doesn't look good. She has been in and out of consciousness last night and she gave us your name as her next of kin." said Detective Rollins.

"He is here with me. She left him home alone a couple of days ago…" Clay stood there in actual shock. "What the hell happened to her? Was she attacked or something?"

"Uh...no...Ms. Marshall suffered from an overdose...she apparently struck her head against the wrought iron bench she was seated on when she suffered a drug induced seizure. She has swelling in the brain from the incident...when is the last time you saw her?" said Detective Slater.

"What hospital is she in?" asked Clay truly taken aback about the news and more upset than he ever thought he would be. He had a seat in his favorite chair. "I saw her 4 or 5 days ago maybe…"

Gemma came out of the kitchen hearing the word hospital. "Clay what is going on?"

Clay said "Detectives…this is my wife…Gemma Morrow. Gem, Alexis overdosed…she is in the hospital."

"Morning ma'am." said Detective Rollins. "Ms. Marshall is in room 210 at Granger Hospital in Stockton. Do you know any of her other family? Her parents perhaps?" asked Detective Marshall.

"Her mother died a year or so ago and her father was never actually in the picture. She has a sister in El Paso…Kelly Aberdale…I don't have a way to get in contact with her though…she and Alexis have been estranged for a year or more. The two of them had a falling out after their mother died." said Clay.

Detective Rollins wrote down the information that Clay was giving them. "Does she have any other relatives we might get in contact with? We need to locate her next of kin in case the inevitable happens. We will need that family member to handle the decisions."

"She has an uncle she used to be close to…Hank Jensen…he lives in Seattle. She's stayed with him a time or two in the past. I think I might have his phone number. Let me look for it." said Clay getting up. He went into his bedroom to look for the number.

Gemma was a little in disbelieve he knew a lot more about Alexis than she expected him to know. It made her realize just how much of a relationship the two of them had and it made her sick to her stomach. She went back into the kitchen not wanting to be privy to anymore information. She was too tempted to shoot Clay.

Clay came back out of his bedroom a few minutes later. "This is her uncle Hank's phone number. He might be able to get you into contact with Alexis' sister Kelly. I am sorry that I couldn't be of anymore help."

Detective Slater said "This was plenty of help Mr. Morrow. Thank you. We don't need anything else…thank you."

Clay nodded and said "Okay…thank you for stopping by to tell me about this." Clay walked both detectives to the door and closed the door after they left. Clay stood there a minute still trying to get over the shock. Sure his gut had told him that something was very wrong but he hadn't expected to find out that she had overdosed alone in some seedy park. He felt even worse that she had been laying in a hospital bed without anyone there for her. He looked toward the kitchen and then walked in. "Gemma…"

Gemma was standing at the counter not looking in his direction. "You need to go see her…go."

"I don't want you to be angry with me Gemma…" said Clay. They were just starting to make progress. She was beginning to let him in again and now this was happening. "I am going to have to stop at the club first…we are going to have to postpone the ride…" He walked over to Gemma. "I love you baby."

"I'll see you later Clay." said Gemma.

"Gemma…." said Clay turning her around so that she was facing him.

"I am not ready to do this right now…and you don't have time for a real conversation you just want me to tell you that all of this is okay…well I won't." said Gemma. "I do love you though…" said Gemma.

Clay stood there staring at her seeing the walls slide back up between them. Clay said "I'll be back later…since the ride is going to be postponed...maybe you and I can have dinner alone…out somewhere."

"Goodbye Clay." said Gemma shaking her head. She stared out the back window looking at nothing in particular.

"She doesn't mean anything to me Gemma…I just…feel responsible for her like I feel with Lowell…like maybe if I had never come into her life…she wouldn't be as messed up as she is…she wasn't addicted to drugs when she met me…" Clay stared at her for a minute and then left the house.

Gemma finished making breakfast and walked over to the table and had a seat. She sat there feeling angry. And the worst part is she couldn't even be angry with Alexis. Alexis was a drug addicted girl that could barely take care of herself and was devastated when her plans to land a big fish failed. No, Gemma was furious at Clay. She was angry at him for putting her in the position of having to feel bad for his drug addicted mistress. And yet she knew that he was hurting because of the influences he might have brought into the girl's life and Gemma hated seeing him in pain. She wanted answers…or maybe she didn't….


	19. Chapter 19

After breakfast Tara dropped Abel off for the day before she headed into work. Gemma spent time with Sean and Abel before Neeta arrived at the house to take care of the babies. Gemma took the time to get a shower and got dressed. Gemma checked in with the babies before saying goodbye to Neeta and letting her know she would most likely be later than normal coming home.

Gemma left the house and drove over to the high school's gymnasium where the voting for the election was being conducted. She walked inside and chuckled to herself. Not a whole lot had changed about the place since she went there. Sure the floors were new and the basketball hoops looked newer but everything else looked just as old and antique as when she attended the school. Gemma waited in what seemed to be an incredibly long line so that she could place her vote. She finally was able to get into a booth and she voted for her favorite candidates. She wasn't really interested in too many of the candidates in the running she was mostly there to vote for Elliot. After voting Gemma walked out of the gym and walked down the street where she had parked her car. She hadn't wanted to get trapped in the traffic of the school's parking lot.

Elliot spotted Gemma about to open her car door. Elliot couldn't help but look at her in appreciation. Gemma might have been in her 50's but she definitely looked good. His eyes trailed up her defined calves that looked even better because she was wearing heels. Elliot finally spoke up. "Well, at least I know that I garnered two votes in this election."

Gemma turned around and chuckled looking at him. "I am sure that you managed to get more than two votes. I think you are going to win this thing." She looked over seeing his car a few spots down from hers. She chuckled and said "Great minds think I see. Trying to avoid traffic?"

Elliot laughed and motioned to the sky. "Well, I hope that goes from your mouth to his ears. I am trying not to get too excited that way if I lose I won't feel so bad. Yes, I parked over here because the traffic over at the high school is more than a little congested. Besides a short walk never hurt anyone."

"Don't kid yourself…if you lose you are going to feel horrible. That is how all losers feel. But if you do lose it is the city that is really losing out. So how are you doing? How is Tristan doing?" asked Gemma.

"I am…nervous." said Elliot laughing. "These last few days have been the worst I think…waiting for this day to come. And I still have…." Elliot paused and glanced at his watch. "Eight hours until the polls close tonight at seven…and I will only get an answer then if the count isn't close…if it is close they might not be willing to confirm a winner until tomorrow. Tristan is doing fairly well. She has left for the week to be with her mother. I will see how that turns out when she returns from this little trip." said Elliot.

"I would be nervous too if it were me running for mayor. Though I probably would have hired a hooker to seduce Jacob Hale and exposed him for the degenerate that he is…but you know…I like to fly a little close to the sun. Well, hopefully Tristan will have a little fun while she is away despite the circumstances." said Gemma.

Elliot chuckled and said "A little? I think that might be pushing it. So how are you doing? I hope things are going well for you, Clay, and the baby. I can't remember his name…I am getting old." Elliot wanted to seem like the good and concerned friend but in all honesty he felt a connection with Gemma and was not pleased that she was giving her marriage another shot.

Gemma said "The baby's name is Sean. Sean is doing great. He is a happy baby and I am happy to have him there with me. Clay and I…have our moments…but what marriage doesn't. He is supposed to take me out for dinner tonight so that we can talk…I am hoping that it does the both of us some good. I am happy to have Clay back home." Gemma wanted to unload on him about the Alexis situation but she didn't know if it was a good idea. Gemma felt a connection with Elliot too and knew how easy it was for the two of them to commiserate over their less than perfect marriages. But Gemma knew where that led. Twice it had led to the bedroom and although she had enjoyed both of those trips she wasn't willing to betray Clay. If their marriage was going to have a real chance she had to be dedicated to trying. That is what made things so attractive with Elliot…they didn't have to try they just had a good time together but that wasn't a relationship.

Elliot said "Well, I am glad to hear that you are happy." Now that part was true. Elliot was her friend and if Gemma was happy then he was in favor of that. "I am sorry to hear you will be on a date though. I was just about to invite you and Clay to my post election celebration. It starts tonight at 7:00 and it will go on until about midnight in hopes that the election results actually come in tonight. Maybe you two can stop by after dinner?"

"Wow, a party? I thought you were nervous about losing? Well, if it goes on til midnight I am sure that Clay and I can swing by and congratulate you…or offer our condolences whatever the case may be." said Gemma with a smirk. Gemma wasn't so sure about bringing Clay along with her.

"I wanted a way to thank all of the people that have been behind me in this campaign. All of the volunteers and supporters who have put in some long hours to help me drive back all of the mudslinging that Jacob did in the election. I figured a party was the best way to do that. So win or lose…we party tonight. So if you and Clay could make it…I would love that. There will be an open bar." said Elliot. Really Elliot just wanted Gemma there but he knew better than exclude Clay from the invitation.

Gemma smiled and said "Well, that is very nice of you. I am sure everyone will appreciate the party. I will definitely stop by tonight." Gemma was enjoying talking to Elliot but glanced down at her watch. "I've got to go…voting took a little longer than I thought it would. Have a good day Elliot and good luck." Gemma patted him on the shoulder and decided that it felt half-hearted. She gave him a hug and then opened her car door and climbed in.

"Thank you Gemma and I will see you tonight." said Elliot. He closed her car door for her. Elliot stood watching her car drive away.

Gemma smiled at him and gave a quick wave and pulled off leaving the parking lot and driving over to the Teller-Morrow shop. She pulled onto the lot and parked. She was glad to see the guys were hard at work in the garage. Gemma went inside and got settled in her office and got started with her work.

Jax walked into the office and had a seat in the chair across from Gemma's desk. "You're late." teased Jax laughing. Mostly he was trying to gauge what sort of mood Gemma was in. Clay had come clean to the club about why he was postponing the trip for a few days.

"Good Morning baby. I had to stop by the high school and vote for Elliot. The line was long though so I ended up being there longer than I wanted to be. But it looks like you all survived an extra hour without me. It is almost lunch time though. Is Clay around?" asked Gemma.

Jax shook his head and said "Look at you doing your civic duty. Clay hasn't been back here since he came in this morning for the emergency meeting. We are going to postpone the trip for a few days…until Clay's situation is resolved. But if it takes to long I might have to take point on this run and go without him. You guys okay?"

Gemma said "Well, if you do have to be the lead man on this run make sure you keep yourself focused and on the lookout. I know you are capable but you are my baby and I am always going to worry about you. This is a big step for you…a big step toward you becoming president of the club. The guys need to know that they can look to you when shit goes upside down. I've been waiting for this day for a long time… make me proud. Clay and I are okay…we've got some things to talk about but…I haven't kicked him out again so that is a good thing right?"

Jax said "I can handle it ma…besides the rest of the guys will be there with me and we will watch each other's backs as always. I guess not kicking him out is a good thing…" Jax tried to think of a way to say it. "Why did you marry Clay?"

"I know that you can handle it…but that is Mayan country and they are looking for a reason to cause trouble. Just keep your head in the game…that is all I am saying. I promise I won't say anything more about it…" Gemma quirked an eyebrow at Jax. "What sort of questions is that? I married him because we were in love."

"Somehow I don't believe you when you say that you won't say anything more about it." said Jax laughing.

Gemma smiled and him and said "Alright, enough sitting around on your ass get back to work. We've got a lot of work to do today and it all needs to get done. Oh, I told Tara this morning that if you two need someone to watch Abel over night just let me know. " Gemma smiled at him.

Jax laughed and said "Fine…Yeah watching the kid would be a lifesaver. Tara is working a crazy schedule at the hospital and Abel is teething. We could use a night." He got up and walked to the door. "You sure that you are okay?" asked Jax. "I don't have to worry about you going over to the hospital and smothering Alexis with a pillow do I?" asked Jax jokingly but he was also serious.

Gemma laughed and said "I will be on my very best behavior Jackson…scout's honor." Gemma laughed.

Jax laughed and said "Somehow that doesn't make me feel any better. Just…stay out of trouble please…if anyone is going to start shit with Clay…let it be me. If Alexis needs taking out I will be the one to do it. I am serious about this…"

"You are too stubborn for you own good. I don't know where you got that shit. You have my word that I won't kill her…I will let nature take its course." said Gemma with a smirk.

"Yeah…sure you don't." He laughed. Jax walked out of her office shaking his head.

Gemma stayed at work until 6:00 in the evening and Clay had yet to come back from the hospital. Gemma left work and decided to go home to wait on Clay. The hours ticked away and Clay didn't come home.

Clay finally called around 10:00.

Gemma answered the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi baby…" said Clay.

"Hi…" said Gemma.

"Alexis…just died a few minutes ago…I am not ready to come home though…I am going to go for a ride to clear my head…I might be home late…I'll just see you in the morning." said Clay.

Gemma said "Clay…come home…let me be there for you…."

"This is something you can't do for me…because…I'll know that you are glad that she is dead…and even though she was screwed up…I can't say the same… Maybe I will call later…" said Clay.

"Don't bother. I am going to go out for awhile and then I will come home and go to bed. Goodnight Clay. Be safe." said Gemma hanging up on him.


	20. Chapter 20

Gemma managed to find a babysitter for Sean and got dressed for the night in a thin, spaghetti strap, turquoise colored, summer dress. She left the house and went to Elliot's house for his party. She had been so distracted she didn't know if he had won or lost the election. Gemma drove over to his house and had to park a ways back from the house because the road leading up to his house was lined with cars. Gemma walked up to the house hearing the party going inside it was going 11:00. She was about to walk into the door when she noticed a man sitting on a bench on the far end of the porch. She glanced at him and realized that it was Elliot.

Gemma walked across the porch to where he was seated and sat down next to him. "I am guessing this means that you lost…" said Gemma since he was sitting outside by himself. "I am sorry that you didn't win Elliot. But it is the city's loss not yours…" said Gemma reaching over and squeezing his free hand.

Elliot had a glass of scotch in his other hand and looked up when Gemma sat down next to him. He smiled at her his eyes lighting up a little seeing her. "I won….I won by a landslide in fact…I won 70% of the vote." said Elliot a little dismayed. He found himself subconsciously interlacing their fingers.

"You won?" asked Gemma shocked by his mood. "Then why are you so down? You should be swinging from the chandelier or taunting Jacob Hale at his amazing failure. Not sitting alone in the dark drinking." said Gemma.

"I don't know…I guess I realized I didn't have anyone close to me to share my success with. Karen is gone…Tristan is with her for the week…I've got a house full of people celebrating but…no one for me to…celebrate with. They all want something. The tally had barely come in before people started to pitch me their pet projects. Sure I am happy that I won…but I guess I just thought that it would feel better." said Elliot.

"For what it is worth…I am your friend and I am happy for you and I don't want anything in return. Well, maybe a glass of whatever you are drinking…but nothing more." said Gemma.

Elliot smiled and said "I think I can make that happen." He reached beside him and picked up a bottle of scotch. He poured Gemma a glass. "Is Clay with you?" asked Elliot. He hadn't been paying attention when she initially walked up but he figured that Clay wasn't with her since she was sitting with him.

Gemma shook her head and said "No, and I don't want to talk about it. This is your night Elliot. You made your dream come true. What next?" "Mmm thank you." said Gemma drinking some of the scotch.

"You know if you want to talk to me you can say anything you want. It doesn't matter that tonight is my night. I am here for you. That is what friends do for one another." said Elliot. He squeezed her hand gently. "I am glad that you are here Gemma…you have made this night better for me just by being here. What is next? Well, I take office in a month's time…in the meantime I've got to put a lot of thought into what I want to do for this town. And then I will have to hope that the city council is on board with my ideas. I really want my first project as mayor to be revamping the park. I don't know it just seems like a symbol of new life."

"That is sweet of you Elliot but no thank you. Maybe we can talk about my issues another time." Gemma smiled and said "Well, I said that I would be here…I try to keep my word." Gemma glanced toward the door. "I think you should go in and try to enjoy your party…mingle with your constituents. This is a night to remember. We can talk later…I will be here. I won't leave until after the party is over."

Elliot frowned. He wanted to argue with her but he knew that he had to get up and head inside. "You promise that you will be here? You won't run off will you?" asked Elliot.

"You have my word that I will stick around until this shindig is over. We can talk and have a drink." said Gemma.

Elliot got up and walked back into the house and was swarmed by people.

Gemma walked into the house seeing Elliot talk to a few people. She smiled seeing that he appeared to be in better spirits. She had a few drinks and enjoyed the party feeling a little better than she had when she first arrived that night. The party finally started to wind down around midnight and people started to leave. The house wasn't cleared out until 1:00 in the morning.

"I am glad that I won but I think that I am even more glad that this night is over and those people are out of my home. Some of them weren't bad…but some…" said Elliot laughing.

Gemma chuckled and said "Well, At least there are some people who are truly excited about you being the mayor. You've got a lot of high hopes riding on you…"

"Including you?" asked Elliot pouring them both a glass of scotch.

Gemma chuckled and said "I am proud of you and I am glad that you won. You deserve it. Thank you." Gemma took the glass of scotch and drank a little of it relaxing.

"So how are you doing?" asked Elliot looking at her with concern.

"I am doing good. I had a good time at your party." said Gemma.

"You know that isn't what I mean at all. You were upset when you sat next to me on the porch…and your mouth may be smiling but your eyes tell a whole other story." said Elliot. "Has something bad happened?" asked Elliot.

Gemma drank down her glass of scotch. "I should get home Elliot it is getting late." She stood up.

Elliot grabbed her hand gently. "I am sorry I won't ask you anymore about what is wrong. I didn't mean to make you upset…or add to any pain you are feeling. I just see a friend in need and I want to do something to help…or console you."

"I appreciate your concern Elliot. But there is nothing that you can do to help me….this is just something that will have to work itself out…" said Gemma.

"Well, can I at least console you?" asked Elliot standing up and taking Gemma into his arms.

Gemma shook her head and rested her head against his chest momentarily. "Our consoling tends to lead to the bedroom. And no matter how hurt or angry I might be with Clay…I'd be no better than him if I cheated on him with you. Those other two times…I was separated from Clay…I was a single woman…but I've taken him back now."

"I know how to control my urges Gemma…sure there is nothing I'd like more than to carry you up to my bedroom and make love to you….but I can just be your friend and talk to you…and hold you if that is what you need. Do you think you took him back too quickly?" asked Elliot searching her eyes.

"I am not saying that you couldn't control your urges Elliot…we both made the decisions that were made. I was no innocent party. I wanted you as much as you wanted me." said Gemma. She paused giving some thought to his question. "I don't know…I think maybe I did…maybe he isn't ready to be back home…but the decision has been made and I can't go back and forth kicking him out and bringing him back. I am just going to have to figure this out the best way that I can. But I can't betray him…."

"Why not? When he has already betrayed you…hurt you…he is obviously still hurting you." said Elliot.

"Two wrongs don't make a right Elliot and I don't think that Clay would be able to forgive me…for cheating on him. And we both know that if I let you console me…that is what is going to happen." said Gemma.

"So then I won't console you…we will talk like friends…what is going on that has you so upset…?" asked Elliot having a seat on the couch.

Gemma took in a breath. "Clay's mistress, Alexis, died today…he was with her at the hospital all day and when he finally called me…he told me that he couldn't come home right now. I asked him to come home…and let me help him through this…but he was having none of that because I wasn't actually mourning Alexis' death like he apparently is….as if I am supposed to shed a tear for his mistress that stabbed me. But I was willing to be there for him anyway and he shut me out. And God help me…but it feels like he is choosing her over me. And logically I know that isn't true but my heart…is tearing at the seams. He is supposed to be going out of town in a few days for a few days and that is the last thing we need right now when our relationship is in shambles."

Elliot watched her seeing how much pain she was in. He did the only thing he could do without violating their agreement. He reached over and took her hand. "Some things that are broken just can't be put back together Gemma. No matter how much we might want it to be different. How long are you supposed to wait around for him to get his act together? You deserve better. And there are men…around that would give you better than you've been getting. You deserve to be happy and respected and to be able to follow your dreams." Elliot knew he was crossing over into dangerous territory. He was encouraging her to leave the president of the local motorcycle club. A move that could get him killed. But at this moment reason left him and all he thought about was the possibilities available to him if Gemma was no longer attached.

Gemma might have been caught up in her own drama but she knew very well where this conversation was headed and she wanted to stop it before it got started. The look in his eyes was a familiar one. Gemma stood up and said "I should probably head home for the night. I am feeling very tired…it has been a long day. Thank you for listening to me talk…I really needed that. Congratulations on winning the election Elliot."

Elliot stood up and took her hand. "Gemma stay….please…we are just talking…as friends. I have behaved myself fairly well considering how beautiful you look right now. Stay the night…we can talk until the sun comes up…nothing has to happen."

Gemma gave him a small smile. "Why allow ourselves to be tempted? I can't betray Clay…I won't do that." Gemma picked up her purse. "Goodnight." Gemma walked out of the house with long strides not looking back. She was scared that if she looked back she would end up running right back to Elliot. Maybe men and women couldn't be platonic friends? She couldn't tell what her feelings for Elliot were…did she care for him as a friend or was there more to it? Did she feel a connection just because he had been there for her in her darkest hour?

Elliot stood in the doorway of his home and watched Gemma walk to her car. He knew he had moved too quickly but he couldn't deny how he felt about Gemma. And more than anything he wanted to be able to figure out if there was something between the two of them other than a couple of rolls in the hay. He wouldn't be able to do that if she was clinging to her sinking ship of a marriage. He was frustrated only momentarily before a smile spread across his face. He didn't doubt that Clay would continue to screw up and leave the door open for him to get closer to Gemma. So that was his plan, he'd be Gemma's friend and when she had finally had enough of Clay's shenanigans she would know where she could turn.

Gemma sped off from Elliot's place and drove herself home realizing how close she had been to saying she would stay the night with him. It was then that she realized that she was playing with fire. She shook her head and got out of the car going into the house. She paid the babysitter and went to bed for the night.


	21. Chapter 21

The next day Gemma went to work at her regular time. She worked for the entire day waiting to see if she would see Clay but he never stopped into her office. She went to Clay's office to see him only to find that he wasn't there. She walked back to his room and walked in and realized he wasn't there either. Gemma frowned wondering where the hell he was. She called his cell phone and impatiently waited for him to answer.

Clay sighed seeing Gemma's name pop up on his phone. He was sitting in Sean's room at the house. He had waited until he figured Gemma had left for work before he came to the house. He was sitting in Sean's nursery watching Sean sleep in his crib. He answered the phone after a few rings. "Hi Gemma…"

"Clay…where are you? I am worried about you. Are you okay?" asked Gemma. Gemma ran a frustrated hand through her dark hair.

"I am okay. I am just sitting here with Sean. How was he last night?" asked Clay trying to act like everything was okay.

"He was fine…he slept for part of the night…woke up once for a bottle and a diaper change. He was good after that. Clay I am going to come home so that we can talk." said Gemma. "I'll be there in twenty minutes okay?"

"Yeah…okay I will be here." said Clay in defeat. He had tried his best to avoid her and to avoid talking to her. "On second thought I will just meet you at the club okay? Why don't you pick up dinner or something? I'll see you in my room."

"Okay I will see you soon then." Gemma hung up and left heading to the diner to pick up dinner. Gemma picked up dinner from the diner and then drove back over to the club. She carried the bag back to Clay's room. She opened the door and then walked into the room. "Clay…" said Gemma. She was worried about him he definitely wasn't himself right now.

Clay had his back to the door sitting on the opposite side of the bed. He had his head down not saying anything at first.

Gemma walked around the bed and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Clay talk to me…you've always been able to talk to me no matter what it was about. So talk to me now. I am here for you baby. There is nothing in this world that you can't talk to me about….you should know that by now." said Gemma.

Clay wrapped his arms around Gemma from a seated position and just sat there. He didn't say anything for several minutes before finally speaking up. "Gemma, I don't know how to talk to you about this because I have already caused you so much pain. I don't want to cause you anymore by talking about Alexis. It isn't fair of me to ask you to support me in this situation. Watching her die was hard on me. I couldn't help but feel that her life would have been better if she had never met me…never hung out with the club. And even if I don't blame myself for the past...I can certainly blame myself for the present. I pushed her over the edge. I was just so focused on getting her out of the way so that I could be with you. I didn't see that she was slipping over. You shouldn't have to be here for me…when I have done something that hurt you so bad. I promised that you would never be hurt on my watch again…and I brought a person into our lives that hurt you. I've let you down and somehow I've lost myself in the process."

"This is not the time to shut me out Clay…even if you think it is for my own good. You need me…we need each other. And the only way we can work on our relationship is if we depend on one another. Yes, your relationship with Alexis hurt me. And finding out the depth of your familiarity with her hurt me even more. But I could never turn my back on you while you are in pain. And so even though I can't mourn for her in the way you are mourning for her…I can be sorry that you are hurting the way you are."

"For now Gemma I have to do this on my own. This is just something you can't help me through. I've got to figure this out on my own." said Clay. He took his arms from around her. "This has nothing to do with you and everything to do with me."

Gemma moved back and looked at a man that she barely recognized at the moment. She was stunned that he was pushing her away. Gemma had a seat next to him on the bed.

"I need to work this out on my own Gemma…I think we need to take a break…at least for while I am gone. I am leaving for that run tomorrow night…we'll be in Indian Hills for about 4 days. I think when I come back from that I will have my head on straight again. That way I can focus on you and Sean and nothing else." said Clay.

"What do you mean take a break?" asked Gemma suspiciously. She started to laugh a bitter laugh and the eyes that had just been loving and filled with concern grew cold. "You want to go back on your promise without going back on your promise. You want to be able to hit some tart while you are in Indian Hills…and this is your way of doing it. You think that is going to help you get your head back on straight…don't try to manipulate me you stupid son of a bitch."

"Gemma…that isn't what I am saying!" started Clay. He honestly didn't mean it that way.

"Shut up. You know what…you do whatever you need to do while you are gone. I am not even playing this game with you. I hope you figure whatever this is out for yourself because if you aren't careful you will lose me for good Clay. I promised you…that I would walk away and not look back. Don't make me make good on my promise." said Gemma.

"Could you really walk away from me?" asked Clay looking into her eyes as he walked over to her. "I could never walk away from you. No matter how screwed up I may have made things I still love you more than I have ever loved anyone. And I need you in my life. Could you really walk away from me?" asked Clay.

Gemma stared into his eyes and without hesitation said "In a New York minute. I love you Clay with all of my heart but I love me more and if leaving you is what I have to do then I will do it."

"What would you do without me? Without the life we built together? Could you be alone?" asked Clay looking into her eyes. For the first time he was truly worried.

"I have dreams and ambitions…and I am capable of making my own way Clay…I always have been. I've been taking care of myself for a long time. And it will be hard and I will miss you but I will get over you. And you aren't the only man interested in me. So don't go thinking that I will be sitting in the house pining away for you." said Gemma.

"What is that supposed to mean? Are you talking about the person that sent you those flowers?" asked Clay his eyes narrowing as he stared at Gemma intently. He felt his blood pressure rising.

"Yes, the person who sent me the flowers. He is a good friend…and he's been a very good friend while I have been struggling to figure things out with you." said Gemma.

"Who is he?" asked Clay staring her down.

"I am not going to tell you that so you can try to intimidate or kill him just because he has been nice to me. He appreciates me and he listens to what I have to say and he sees me Clay…he sees me. And I think…somewhere along the way…you stopped seeing me as a person as your wife…and you started seeing me as…I don't know…means to an end maybe?" said Gemma.

"I want to know who he is…what has gone on between the two of you?" asked Clay.

"We weren't together at the time so it really isn't any of your business Clay. And since we are taking this break…I don't know…you want to see someone else…maybe I should see someone else too. Maybe we both need to see other people and see how that works out." said Gemma turning on her heels and leaving the room. Gemma slammed the door shut behind her.

Gemma walked into the club feeling overcome by her emotions. She didn't know what to do anymore and she always knew what to do. Gemma grabbed a bottle of whiskey from behind the bar. The club was mostly deserted. Tig and Bobby were the only two left. She was walking down the hall toward Jax's room when her eyes went to John's bike. She stood there staring at it a moment. Her hand reached out to touch it. She took in a breath. She picked up his picture from the bike and left heading up to the roof for privacy. She just needed to get away from it all.

Gemma sat on the roof drinking and looking at John's picture. "I know you aren't here but it makes me feel better to come here and talk to you. Good or bad you always understood me. You realized that I was a moral black hole and you loved me anyway. God only knows why… I don't know what to do John…I feel dead inside now…I want to take off and start over somewhere else…but I couldn't leave Jackson and his family behind. And as much as I don't want to…I still love Clay. But how do I move on from this? Gemma chuckled softly. "You know the best thing about coming to talk to you is that you can't talk back to me. Me and you…we used to fight like crazy people…you always used to say we were like fire and dynamite and that is how we kept our spark. I don't know what to do John." Gemma felt tears slipping down her cheeks. She hadn't even realized that she had started to cry.

Jax walked down the hallway and looked over at John's bike and saw that his picture was missing. Jax climbed up onto the roof. "Mom?" asked Jax walking over to her. "Are you okay?" asked Jax sitting next to her.

"I am going to be okay…" said Gemma quietly.

"I know you love Clay…but…is there anything you want to talk about you haven't…really been yourself lately. I am worried about you." said Jax.

"You don't have to worry about me baby…I always come out on top…even if I come out alone." said Gemma.

Jax sat there with his mother his mother for nearly two hours before he heard footsteps. He looked and saw that it was Clay.

"Son…can I talk to your mother for awhile…?" asked Clay.

Jax looked at Gemma.

Gemma nodded and said "I promise not to push him off the roof…" Gemma gave a half-smile.

Jax nodded and said "I'll be downstairs if you need me." Jax got up and left the two of them alone.

Clay had a seat and said "I don't know what is going on between us…neither one of us…is okay right now. But I am not about to lose you. I am not going on the run to Indian Hills…Jax can handle the run with the rest of the guys. Me, you, and Sean…I want the three of us to go up to the cabin for a few days and get away from town…just be together…we need to figure us out…please."

Gemma was quiet for a minute but finally said "Okay…but I don't know how many more tries I have left in me Clay."

Clay wrapped his arms around her and just held her. After awhile he felt something wet dripping on his neck and realized that Gemma was crying. He rarely if ever saw Gemma cry and it tore him up inside knowing he was the cause of this. Jax was right he needed to get his priorities straight and that was what he was going to do. "Let's go home baby…" said Clay.

Gemma sat back and hastily wiped away her tears. "Okay…" Gemma got up still holding John's picture. She climbed back down stairs and left the picture frame on John's bike.

Clay watched her and then followed her out. He walked Gemma to her car opening her door for her. "I'll follow you home."

Gemma nodded tiredly and climbed into her car.

Clay closed the door and watched Gemma pull off. He got onto his bike and followed her home.

Gemma made it home first and walked into the house. She thanked Neeta and paid her. Gemma went into the nursery to check on Sean. He was already fast asleep.

Clay made it home a few minutes after she did.

Gemma walked out hearing Clay come into the house. "Sean is already asleep. Are you hungry?" asked Gemma since they hadn't eaten dinner.

Clay shook his head. "All I want to do is lay down with you…can we do that?"

Gemma nodded and said "Sure we can…" Gemma got up and walked into their bedroom. She changed into a black cotton night gown. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and climbed into her bed.

Clay stripped down to his t-shirt and boxers and climbed into the bed with Gemma. He didn't waste time taking her into his arms. "I'm so sorry baby…I love you Gemma…I can't do this without you." His mind was still trying to figure out if she had slept with someone else. But he just couldn't bring himself to believe that. But what he did believe was that if he didn't fix things he would lose his wife.


	22. Chapter 22

Gemma woke up the next morning and rolled over looking for Clay but saw that he wasn't in bed with her. She glanced over at the clock and saw that it was 6:30 in the morning. That was too earlier for Clay to have left for work. Gemma got out of the bed and walked into the kitchen. "Clay?" asked Gemma.

Clay was sitting in the kitchen holding a cup of coffee in his hands staring out the window. He looked behind him hearing Gemma's voice. "What are you doing up so early?" asked Clay. "I didn't expect you to wake up for another hour so." He sat his cup of coffee down on the table behind him.

"I was going to ask you the same thing. Did you sleep at all last night?" asked Gemma seeing the tiredness on his face. She walked over to him and gently put her hand on his shoulder.

Clay rested a hand on top of her hand."I slept for a little while bit…I didn't get much sleep. I had a lot on my mind…a lot of things that I needed to think about before you woke up. I thought I would know what I wanted to say to you by now but I don't."

Gemma said "Just tell me what is going through your mind. I can handle anything that you throw my way…so lay it on me." Gemma wasn't so sure that she could but if he needed her she would be there. Gemma grabbed a chair and pulled it close to Clay. She had a seat so that they were basically sitting in front of one another. Her knee brushed up against his.

Clay looked into Gemma's eyes and reached out to touch her face. He sat there staring at her for awhile not saying anything. He loved this woman more than anything in this world but for some reason he was just tired. And the worst part is that he knew that all of the turmoil and pain that he and Gemma were wading through at the moment was because of his decisions. "Do you trust me?" asked Clay.

Gemma paused after Clay's question. She shook her head. "No, I don't trust you right now. I want to trust you because you are my husband and I love you. And despite all of the bullshit…I know that you love me too. I see it when you look at me. I feel it in the way you hold me. But no…I don't trust you."

That was a hard pill to swallow but in his heart Clay had already known the answer to his question. But hearing it from her lips took yet another toll on him. "Do you think that you will ever be able to trust me again? Or is this what our life is going to become…a serious of fights and accusations…?"

"I think with time I could learn to trust you again. But it will take time and I told you that. But somehow I don't think you believed me. It is like you expected everything to just go back to the way things were…and I told you that couldn't happen. Not right away anyway. Before three weeks ago I always believed that I could trust you 100%. I believed that in my heart that you would always be honest with me. I believed that I was the only woman for you. And then I find out that you lied to me, hid things from me, and carried on a serious relationship with another woman. Another woman that…you know so well that you know about her family life. The more I find out about you and this woman the more I wonder why you even stayed with me?" asked Gemma. "Your relationship with her was obviously doing something for you that I couldn't do or wasn't doing. Do you know how that makes me feel?" asked Gemma.

Clay said "I did get to know her…because we spent time together in Tacoma…it wasn't always about sex when I saw her. Sometimes it was just nice to blow off steam about whatever was pissing me off. She was a good kid…so she'd tell me about her problems…I knew her mother a long time ago…and I knew her Uncle Hank. I served with him in Vietnam. So yes… I knew her well and she knew me too."

"Did you talk to her while you were home? Here with me? Did you ever talk about your life here in Charming with me?" asked Gemma. The more paranoid part of her personality was going full tilt imagining the two of them sitting up laughing at old foolish Gemma. She felt the bitterness creeping up on her. It wasn't a feeling she liked but in the past three weeks she had become accustomed to it. But behind the bitterness in anger was pain. Her heart was aching realizing that Clay may have actually loved this woman even if he wasn't willing to admit it to Gemma.

Clay noted the shift in Gemma's voice and just sighed. "How many times do you want me to say that I am sorry for what I did? Would you like me to get onto my knees and beg for your forgiveness? I screwed up Gemma we both know that. Hell everyone in the club knows that. I don't know what you want me to say to make this right."

"You still don't get it Clay. You really don't get it. And I don't know if you are too thick to get it or if you just don't want to. I don't want you to apologize. I want to know that I can trust my husband. I want to know that I am enough for you and that in 6 months you aren't going to go through another mid-life crisis and decide you need another mistress. I want to know that there haven't been others in the past. And you say all the right things when you are afraid you are about to lose me. But I don't know if you really mean what you say. You say you wanted to go away for a few days to the cabin to get away from it all. But it really seems that you did it for my benefit and not ours. Well, don't do me any fucking favors. Go to Indian Hills. We'll take that break you wanted. Play around do whatever it is you need to do to get this shit out of your system. But when you come back you are either ready to work things out between us or you are ready to move out permanently. Those are your choices. I can't keep doing this same dance Clay. I'll find a new partner. And I am not saying that to bait you or goad you or force your hand. I am just telling you the truth. I will leave you. I will move on. And I will be with someone else. "

"I was ready to get back on track and then Alexis died. Gemma I swear that I am just messed up about her dying because I feel responsible for her death. Not because I loved her or anything like that because I didn't. I just think about all of the bad influences I brought into her life and now she's dead…and one day I will have to tell Sean why…and that is hard for me to wrap my brain around. That I forced her so far over the edge that she overdosed and laid in a park alone for hours before someone found her…it is like looking at Lowell for me. I sit up at night sometimes thinking that maybe Lowell's life might have been better if I hadn't lied to him about his father taking off and leaving him. If I would have just told him that the son of a bitch was dead." said Clay. "Who has been pursuing you? I will put a stop to it." said Clay with a deathly cold stare.

Gemma listened to him and she understood where he was coming from. She could understand his guilt. "I understand that you feel guilty Clay. But why are you trying to push me away in the process. I want to try to make this work but if you aren't willing to try then what are we even doing here?" "He is a friend and that is all I have to say about it…other than he isn't in the club." said Gemma.

"Her death caught me by surprise and I just need a couple of days to reconcile all of this shit…everything that I have done. All of it has worn me out I feel…like a tired old man. And the worst of it is that I let down you…the only woman that has ever really meant anything to me. And you are right…I asked you to go to the cabin with me because of you…because I was afraid of losing you. I was worried that if I left for 4 or 5 days that…when I came back you wouldn't want me anymore. And I know that it is hard for you to believe but I don't want anyone else. You are the only person I love…women don't understand that sex and love don't have to be the same thing." said Clay.

"I understand that sex and love aren't the same thing. And that is why I was always able to justify you sleeping around on the road. You were just getting your rocks off in some available hole…I get that. But Alexis wasn't just some available hole! You started up a relationship with her! And in-depth one…" said Gemma.

"I know! I know what I did! You don't think I know. I made a yearlong mistake but it is one that I will never make again. The collateral damage was too great. I just need to know that if I leave for a few days if I come back…you'll still be here. And as much as I regret hurting you…I don't regret Sean being born." said Clay.

Gemma shook her head. "I am not going anywhere Clay. Charming is my home and this is where I will always be. But I can't say that I will be waiting here dutifully for you to return to me. I have wants and needs too and if you can't be there for me…maybe it is high time that I find someone who can. I am not asking you to regret your son Clay. I am asking you to look at what you did and change because of it. Be the man that I always thought you were. That is what I am asking for. The past can be the past but I need to know that I can trust you for the future…our future."

Clay looked into her eyes and took her hands into his. "You can trust me Gemma and I will spend however long you need proving that to you. I know you think I want to go to Indian Hills to take a break so that I can screw around. But that isn't it at all. I just want to go to find some peace. Get out on that open road and ride until everything is clear…you know?"

Now that Gemma could believe. John used to do the same thing when his mind was weighed down. He'd hop on his bike and take off for parts unknown letting the freedom of the road wash away all of his problems. But the road had also had been his end. "Why couldn't you just tell me that Clay? Why is everything such a big secret? You don't think that I could understand that?"

"You were so upset last night Gemma. You were crying. I didn't know what to do I just wanted to fix what I had broken. I guess…I never realized that you were breakable." said Clay thinking it sounded stupid now that the words had left his mouth but they were truthful. Gemma was always a rock for him and for everyone else in the club. She took in all of their burdens and gave them all love and comfort. He had only seen her breakdown a few times and all of those times were because of Thomas' death and then John's death. "You didn't even come to me after you were raped…you kept it all in…and didn't tell me for yourself…you told me to stop me and Jax from fighting…"

Gemma listened to him talk and realized how he could think that she didn't need him. "I know…it may seem like I don't need you because…I am used to doing everything on my own and taking care of myself. But just because I can take care of myself…doesn't mean that I don't need you because I do. I want you to go to Indian Hills and do what you need to do to get yourself together…I love you baby…"

"I love you too Gemma." said Clay taking her face into his hands and kissing her softly. Then he rested his forehead against hers. "When I say that I would be lost without you…I mean it. I was rudderless before I married you…I don't want to go back to that place again. Marrying you was the best thing that ever happened to me. And I will do whatever I have to do to stay married to you. You have my word…when I come back…I'll be ready…this black cloud will be from over my head and I will be ready to be…the man you believe I can be." said Clay. "Bobby and Piney are going to stay behind…so if you need anything you can talk to them okay?" Clay was also going to have Bobby spying on Gemma while he was away. He wanted to know who this mystery friend was.

Gemma said "I believe you Clay. I just hope that this trip fixes things for you. I don't foresee needing anything but if I do I will call Bobby or Piney." Gemma kissed him softly.

The two of them sat there for awhile not saying anything.


	23. Chapter 23

Gemma was glad when Clay left the house to go to the club for the day. She needed some time to herself. There was a time when she thought that she and Clay could make it through anything but she was beginning to have some serious doubts. She was suddenly glad that the lawyer was on a two month retainer, she might still need him after all. Gemma opted not to go to the garage for the day because the guys weren't doing much work in anticipation on having to leave that night. Gemma sat in the living room with Sean when she heard the door bell. Gemma got up from the couch and went to the door seeing Tara. She opened it and let Tara in. "Morning darlin, how are you feeling?" asked Gemma moving out of Tara's way.

Tara walked into the house carrying Abel and his diaper bag. "I am tired. Abel kept me up most of last night. He was having a bad time because of the teething. He will probably be cranky for Neeta today." Tara walked over to the playpen setting Abel down. "His first birthday is coming up in a month and Jax and I were talking about having his party here…if you and Clay wouldn't mind it." said Tara.

"Well, I will be here today to help Neeta out. I am not going to work today. I will make sure my little grandson gets a little rest. I have an old school remedy to help with teething babies. It worked for Jax and Thomas. I don't have a problem with you two having Abel's party here. There is more room anyway. Just let me know what you need me to do to help out." said Gemma.

Tara said "You aren't going to work? Are you feeling okay?" Tara was concerned about Gemma because Jax was concerned about Gemma. "Oh, I don't think we need any help with anything. Jax and I will buy everything for the party we just wanted to use your house as the location."

"I am fine. I decided not to go in. With the boys leaving for a run tonight they won't be doing much work today. No reason for me to go to the office and twiddle my thumbs. Especially, when I can be at home relaxing. I might go and get my nails done this afternoon." said Gemma. "You know if you need anything while Jax is out of town you don't have to hesitate to ask me."

Tara nodded and said "This is the first extended trip Jax has been on since we've been back together. 4 or 5 days in Nevada is a very long time for him to be away from me and Abel. I am going to miss him so much while he is gone. I might come over here to hang out if I get lonely. If that is okay with you and Clay. How do you get used to it Gemma?"

"It takes time baby but it gets better. Besides when he comes back home you will appreciate the time that he was away." said Gemma laughing. "Look at it this way. You get the entire bed to yourself. If you need help with Abel while Jax is gone just let me know. You can come over here anytime that you want. And you don't have to worry about disturbing Clay because he is going on the run with the rest of the boys."

"He is?" asked Tara confused. "But Jax told me last night that he was going to be taking lead on this run….and that Clay was staying here." said Tara.

Gemma shook her head. "Clay changed his mind this morning. He will be going to Nevada with them. You never know what goes on in men's minds. So how much longer are you going to try keeping a full shift at the hospital? Being five months and pregnant can't make that easy. Do you want some juice or something? Do you have time?" Gemma set Sean down in the play pen and headed into the kitchen pouring herself a cup of coffee.

Tara raised an eyebrow but knew better to get into Gemma's business. If she wanted to share then she would share. "Jax is going to be pissed. He was excited about going on this run without Clay as lead. I am glad he is leaving for the trip so I don't have to listen to him bitch about it. I am going to switch to a lighter load in a couple of weeks. I'll move to part-time and I will stay that way until I am 8 months pregnant and then I will go on maternity leave from there on out." Tara followed Gemma into the kitchen. "Orange juice would be good." She watched Gemma with the coffee. "I remember coffee…I miss coffee." said Tara laughing.

Gemma chuckled and said "You are right I am sure that Jax is pissed about it. But he will have his chances. He will have a very long time to run the club…and shape it the way he wants to shape it. So when do you and Jax find out the genders of the babies? I want to know what sort of stuff to start buying. I still drank coffee when I was pregnant. John used to get after me about it. I just started drinking it when he wasn't around." Gemma poured Tara a glass of orange juice and sat with her at the table.

Tara said "Yeah, Jax has been talking about the future more lately…about what he sees the future looking like. He's always been a big thinker and I love him for that. Well, the last time we went in for an ultrasound neither of the babies was cooperating with us. I am hoping that the next one will have better results. Jax is hoping for two boys. But I am hoping for at least one girl."

"That sounds like Jackson for sure…he gets that from John. John was a philosopher at heart…" Gemma laughed and said "Men do better with boys but I know Jackson he has soft heart…a daughter will have him wrapped around her little finger in no time at all."

"I just look at you and the future is….daunting…to be what you are to this club one day…for that responsibility to fall on my shoulders." said Tara looking at Gemma.

"The crown is a heavy one to wear…I might be Clay's Queen but it isn't an easy job it never has been…wasn't when I was with John either. But if you love the man…you learn to love the club…every dark facet of it. Because if you don't you will lay in bed at night sick and haunted over some of the shit you see and hear. You may not think you are ready for it…but I know that you are. If I had any doubt about your ability to be the woman Jax needs you to be I would have ran you off as soon as possible. You are a healer…a caregiver by nature. You were made for the role you will have to play for the club. You'll keep Jax grounded and on track…because there are consequences if you don't. One day Jax will be responsible not just for the MC here in town. But he will be the national president. Which means he will be looking out for every charter of the club from here to Belfast." said Gemma.

"I try Gemma…but it has been hard lately. Jax has been…on edge with this whole thing between you and Clay. It is driving him to the edge…making him feel like he isn't being the son he needs to be. He feels like he is letting down his father's memory by not taking care of you. And I've been trying to reach him…but he isn't listening to me. And I don't know what to do Gemma. He's angry all the time or worried…and now he is going on this trip…that is a long stretch of road…and a lot of bad things can happen. He went over the list of enemies that the club has north of here…and it was…I worry that he is going to walk out the door and not come home one day. And I don't know what to do to get him to focus." said Tara.

"I know that fear well…after Thomas died…John changed. He lost himself in the darkness of losing our baby boy. He felt…helpless because there wasn't a damn thing he could do to save Thomas…all of the power that the club had…and he couldn't save his son's life. It was sobering. And he never recovered and the darkness got deeper when things in the club changed…John made a lot of sacrifices…after Thomas died…trying to pay off debts…getting into bed with the Irish…I saw him slipping away and I couldn't pull him back. He was lost to me and everyone else…and then one day I get a call…that John has been hit by a semi-truck on the 580….and that he was drug for 178 yards. He lived for two days after that…and then he died. But he had been dead long before then. He died a little bit every day while Thomas was sick…and he died the day that Thomas died…I saw his soul leave his body and there was nothing but a walking…talking shell left behind for me. Jax is a lot like his father. So if you see him slipping into a dark place…you pull him out of his bullshit and make him see what he stands to lose if he loses focus. He's got you and Abel and the twins…to take care of…he can't go getting lost because of some bullshit between me and Clay." said Gemma. She drank her coffee but felt a fire brewing inside of her. Her relationship with Clay was causing more damage than she wanted to admit to. She might sacrifice a lot of things but her son wouldn't be one of them. If she had to choose between patching up her relationship with Clay or the well being of Jax…she would choose Jax in a heartbeat. She had lost one son because of her genes she wasn't about to lose another because of her rocky marriage.

"I am sorry to bother you with this Gemma…I just didn't know who else to talk to it about. I am worried about Jax and I don't know how to help him. I was hoping that you could…I don't know talk to him." said Tara.

Gemma nodded and reached over squeezing Tara's hand. "I will talk to Jax this afternoon before he leaves for this trip. I'll put his mind at ease so that he can focus on what is important…getting to Nevada in one piece. Once he is there he will be better. He looks up to Jury a lot. But don't let this…having to come to me for help…make you think that you aren't ready to be in the role that I am in…because you are and what you don't know you will learn. There are just some things only a man's mother can fix." said Gemma.

"Thank you so much Gemma." said Tara looking more relieved already. She felt proud that Gemma believed in her abilities to care of Jax and to take care of the club when the time came. There was a time when she and Gemma couldn't stand the sight of one another. "Jax and I have been arguing because he won't listen to me. Sometimes…I could just kill him. I mean when we really get into it…we get into it. He's talked about Jury before…he seems to really care about what Jury thinks. He said he was going to talk to Jury about a lot of stuff while he is up there."

Gemma laughed and said "Well, that is what happens when you put together two people with Irish blood running through their veins. You are bound to get sparks. John and I were the same way with one another. Although I have a little angry Russian on my mother's side, John never stood a chance with me. I don't know I think sometimes Jax looks at Jury as a link to John…a link to before John started the club. John and Jury served together in Vietnam. John saved Jury's life when they served together. They stayed pretty close friends after that."

Tara said "Yeah, Jax was telling me some of it. He wants me to meet Jury eventually seems to mean a lot to him." Tara looked at her watch and said "Shit I've got to get to work. The hospital administrator still hates me."

Gemma laughed and said "She probably just needs to get laid. Come on I will walk you out." Gemma got up and walked Tara to the door.

"Thanks for talking to me Gemma…I'll see you later." said Tara giving Gemma a hug. She left headed to work.

Gemma spent some time with Abel and Sean and then left headed to the club to see Jax after Neeta arrived. She walked into the club and saw Tig.

"You lookin' for Clay?" asked Tig.

Gemma took off her sunglasses and said "No, I am looking for Jackson. Is he here?"

Tig nodded and said "He's in the office with Clay. The door is open though."

Gemma nodded and said "Thank you."

"Everything okay Gemma?" asked Tig. He had been watching her on and off for the last week or so and he knew something was off. But then he usually knew when something was off with Gemma.

"I am fine Tigger." said Gemma with a smile. She walked to Clay's office. The door was open. She lightly knocked on the door.

Clay looked up seeing Gemma. "Hi baby."

"Hi…I need to talk to Jackson…" said Gemma.

Clay said "Oh…okay…"

Jax stood up and walked out of the office with Gemma. "Is everything okay?" asked Jax.

Gemma said "Come with me…" Gemma led the way to her office and had a seat behind her desk. "Sit down baby…" said Gemma.

Jax had a seat in the chair next to her desk. "What is going on?"

"I talked to Tara this morning…and she told me that you were worried about me…she said you've been real stressed out lately. She is worried about you and that means that I am worried about you…you don't need to worry about me because I will be okay. I always land on my feet no matter what bullshit I go through." said Gemma.

"You just…you've been different lately…sad all of the time…I am worried about you. About what this shit is doing to you. And I know you can take care of yourself and that this isn't any of my business. I let you down before and I won't let you down again." said Jax.

"What are you talking about Jackson? You have never let me down. You have been the best son I could have ever hoped for…you should know that. You are all of my hopes and dreams….that is a heavy burden to carry on your shoulders but you carry it well." said Gemma.

"I'm talking about when you were attacked…you are upset all of the time and you were edgy…jumpy…off… and I saw it…but I didn't say anything to you…you carried that shit…on your own…you're my mother and I am supposed to protect you and watch out for you…it's what John would have wanted. I can't take care of you how the hell am I supposed to lead the club?" said Jax.

Gemma took in a deep breath. She didn't like how badly her problems were affecting Jax and apparently they had been affecting him for a long time. "You didn't let me down…I've made a lot of sacrifices for this club…and had a lot of pain in my life…I just add that to the list of bullshit that hasn't killed me…and has only made me stronger. And this shit with Clay is the same thing…I'll get passed it…either with him or without him. But I will come out on the other side on top. But you need to stay focused because I need you in one piece…not scattered on the road like road kill. You know…you told me that I should keep John's book and read it…well I have been reading it." said Gemma.

Jax smirked a little when she said that she had been reading it. "I got it from Piney…..after I couldn't find the copy you took. Didn't think you would be reading it though."

"I loved John….and reading it makes me feel….I don't know…closer to him somehow. I miss the hell out of that man…for everything he was or wasn't he loved me too." "John was a good man….and I loved him. He was smart, loving, a great father, great provider and protector, a great lay…" said Gemma with a chuckle. "I loved him in a way I have never loved another man. But he lost himself when Thomas died…and he never found himself again. He let it take him to such an awful…dark and lonely place… and then he gave his life to the road. I don't want that for you Jackson. When I gave birth to you….I knew you would do something great with your life….you were born to lead baby. Don't you ever doubt that." Gemma touched his cheek. "Ever."

"You are my mother…you have to believe in me that is what mothers do. You've always been my biggest supporter…no matter what I did…you always believed in me." said Jax.

"No, I believe in you because I see what you can do. I see how smart and capable you are. You have John's genes in you and mine…you were bred to take over the world baby just trust in yourself. Be the man that your father always knew you could be and everything else will fall into place. You know how much I love you Jax." said Gemma.

"I know you love me ma…and I know you shut me out to protect me…but who is going to protect you?" asked Jax.

"You better damn well know that I love you. I can protect myself and if I think I am in over my head you will be the first person I call…" said Gemma.

Jax smiled and said "Alright then I'll stop worrying and try to have a good time at Uncle Jury's place."

Gemma smiled and said "Once you are there you will have a great time. Jury knows how to throw one hell of a party. You will be too drunk and high to remember your name the morning after you get there. Just be safe on the road...Mayan country is a bad stretch of road."

"You don't have to worry about me. I know how to watch my back and the rest of the guys will be with me. Though I need a favor…can you check in on Tara and Lyla while me and Opie are out of town. First big trip…both of the girls are pretty wired about it." said Jax.

"Sure I will keep an eye on both of them. I'll probably invite them and the kids over for dinner or something while you guys are gone. I haven't seen Kenny, Ellie, and Piper lately." said Gemma. Gemma was keeping a close eye on Tara and Lyla they were the women in Jax and Opie's lives. They would be the future of the club in a short time and she wanted to make sure that both girls were ready for that.

"Thanks ma…I appreciate it. I got to catch up with Opie. If I don't see you before I leave…I love you." said Jax.

"I love you too sweetheart." said Gemma with a smile. "Remember what I said…concentrate and stay focused. Tell Jury I said hello."

Jax smiled and said "I will…" Jax walked out of her office.

Gemma watched him walk out of the office and she was still worried about him. She walked out of the office and was heading to her car when Clay walked over to her.

"Everything okay?" asked Clay.

"Everything is fine. I just needed to talk to Jax about something. Make sure he stays safe on his way up to Indian Hills." said Gemma.

"You know I'll look out for Jax…I always have and always will. He's a big boy you know Gemma…" said Clay.

"He might be a big boy…but he's my boy…and I want to know that he is going to be okay. I've got to get going. I am getting my nails done." said Gemma putting on her sunglasses.

"I'll see you before I leave tonight…right?" asked Clay looking at her.

"Yeah…I always see you before you ride…I am like your good luck charm." said Gemma. She kissed him and got into her car.

Clay closed her door for her. "I love you Gem." said Clay.

"I love you too." said Gemma. She pulled off leaving Clay standing there.


	24. Chapter 24

Gemma pulled onto the lot that night. She had debated about coming there tonight but more than anything she wanted to make sure that Clay got off to the right start for this trip. And she wanted to see Jax to make sure that he was really okay. Gemma was glad for this break that she and Clay were taking. It would give her an opportunity to figure out what she really wanted. She was disturbed by how much her relationship with Clay was affecting Jax. Gemma leaned by her car seeing the club door closed. She knew that the boys were having church before they set off on the trip. Gemma was holding Sean in her arms. She figured Clay would want to see him before he left on his trip.

Tara pulled up in the cutlass not long after Gemma arrived. She got out of the car with Abel and walked over to Gemma. "It feels like a ghost town around here when everyone is in church. Jax said that you talked to him this afternoon. I don't know what all you said to him but he was definitely in a better place when he stopped by the hospital to see me. So thank you Gemma. I feel a lot better about him leaving tonight knowing that his head is in the right place. I hate that they are leaving now. It is dark…"

"There is no need to thank me sweetheart. Anything that I can ever do for you and Jackson I will do without hesitation. I want him to be able to focus while he is the road. It may only be 130 miles…but it is a dangerous 130 miles. Night is better. People ask fewer questions when it is night time." said Gemma.

Lyla drove onto the lot and got out of her car. "Come on kids..." said Lyla. Kenny, Piper, and Ellie hopped out of the back of the car following Lyla. She walked over to where Gemma and Tara were standing. "Hi Gemma... Hi Tara." said Lyla.

"Hi Lyla. How are you doing?" asked Gemma seeing the trepidation on her face. She saw the same trepidation on Tara's face. She knew both of them were worried about the known and the unknown. By the time she was their ages she knew the club backwards and forwards but then she had married John young.

"Hey, Lyla." said Tara with a smile.

"Honestly, scared...nervous." said Lyla shaking her head. Lyla watched as the kids ran around the lot playing around.

Gemma smiled a little and said "Good, that means you love him."

Gemma heard the club door open and saw the guys starting to file out and head for their bikes.

Jax walked out of the club house and spotted the women. Jax walked over to them and hugged Gemma. "Love you ma." said Jax.

Opie walked over with Jax seeing Lyla and the kids.

"I love you too have a safe trip." said Gemma.

"What about me Gemma?" asked Opie with a laugh.

"You have a safe trip too Opie. I love you too." said Gemma with a smile. She walked away giving the two couples some privacy to talk to one another. She went and stood over by the picnic table with Sean.

Clay was the last to walk out of the club. He smiled seeing Gemma and Sean waiting for him. He didn't know if she was going to be there or not. He walked over to her and said "I am glad that you came Gemma. I really wanted to see you before I left tonight." He lightly caressed her cheek.

"I couldn't miss saying goodbye to my boys...all of them." said Gemma with a smile. "How are you feeling? Have you taken your medicine?" asked Gemma seriously.

"I am feeling tired but okay. My hands are a little sore...but you know the rainy weather does that to them. But I did bite the bullet and injected myself before we had church tonight. I am ready to go...but not ready to leave you behind." said Clay looking into her eyes. "You know how much I hate being away, right?" asked Clay.

"Well, don't be too macho to pull over to the side of the road if your hands are hurting too bad. I know you don't like being away from me Clay...but you need this so...I support that. Besides I'll like the cold hard cash when you come back home anyway." said Gemma with a smile trying to keep their conversation light hearted.

Clay smiled and kissed her cheek. He gently took Sean from her arms and said "Thank you for bringing Sean with you. I didn't even think to ask you earlier. I am still getting used to this little guy." Clay held Sean in his arms. "Think he will even miss me?" asked Clay chuckling. Sean squirmed in Clay's arms and whined.

Gemma chuckled and said "I am sure he will miss you...he likes your voice. He perks up when he hears your voice. I will miss you too." She kissed Clay's cheek. She watched him with Sean and saw how much he truly did love his son.

Clay chuckled and said "Well, that is a good thing I guess." Clay held Sean and just looked at him for awhile. "I'm going to miss you little man but Gemma is going to take good care of you will I am gone." Clay finally handed him back to Gemma. "It is about time to head out. I love you baby. I'll call you from the pre-paid when I get to Indian Hills." said Clay.

"I love you too Clay. Be safe." said Gemma. She kissed him. Gemma held Sean watching Clay walk away.

Clay walked off headed over to his bike where Bobby was waiting. There was no one else around them to hear the conversation. "I want you to keep an eye on things here at the club. And check in with the women from time to time to make sure they don't need anything. But I also…I want to know what Gemma is up to while I am gone. We talked about you keeping tabs on her earlier…well I want you to make sure to do a good job of it." said Clay.

Bobby said "You know your old lady don't like people in her business. If she catches me she is going to have your balls and mines as trophies. You know Gemma knows how to spot a tail."

"Then I guess you better make sure that you don't get caught. You know how to tail someone without being seen…do it. I want to know who she is seeing Bobby." said Clay.

"How do you know she is seeing anyone man?" asked Bobby. "You and Gemma have always been solid. You can't honestly believe that she's been stepping out on you."

"She said as much. She says it isn't cheating because we were separated at the time. Don't worry about the details. Just keep an eye on the house and let me know who she is seeing or who she is meeting with. Don't screw this up Bobby…I am counting on you." said Clay. Clay climbed onto his bike.

Bobby nodded and said "Alright Clay…I will keep an eye on her. I'll call you if I see anything out of the ordinary."

"Good. Take care brother." said Clay cranking up his bike.

The other guys saw him getting onto his bike and they all said their goodbyes and climbed onto their bikes. Happy and Half-Sack climbed into a truck and the convoy off the lot began. Bobby and Piney stayed behind.

Gemma walked back over to Tara and Lyla watching the guys leave. Once the bikes and truck were out of sight Gemma looked at both women. Gemma hugged both of the girls. "I'd like you two and the kids to come over for dinner tomorrow night if neither of you have any plans. It will be Friday night. We can have dinner with the kids and then let them watch a movie or something while we talk." said Gemma.

"Sure Gemma I'd love that. I hate the idea of being at the house alone without Jax. What should we bring for dinner?" asked Tara.

Gemma said "A salad or a dessert would be fine. I will handle everything else. I know being without Jax and Opie will be hard for both of you. But if you need anything…even if it is just somewhere to crash for the night because the house feels weird or lonely or hell scary…just call and let me know."

"I'll bring the salad..." offered Lyla. "Thank you Gemma this is really great of you." said Lyla with a smile. Lyla was worried not just about being alone but taking care of three kids on her own for 4 or 5 days.

Tara nodded and said "I will pick up something for dessert. What time should we come over tomorrow? I get off work at 5:00 tomorrow. Oh by the way Gemma I need to drop Abel off at about 4:30. I am working the 5 to 5 shift tomorrow."

"Okay, good. I will see the two of you tomorrow night at 7:00. Sure that is fine Tara. I will be waiting for you to drop him off in the morning." said Gemma with a smile. She opened the back door of her car and put Sean in his car seat. She got him buckled in and closed the door. "Goodnight you two."

"Goodnight Gemma." said Tara and Lyla in unison.

Gemma drove off the lot heading home for the night.

Piney stayed behind at the club making sure that everything was locked up tight. Bobby on the other hand got ready to do his job for the next four days which was keeping an eye on Gemma while Clay was away. He didn't really feel right about spying on Gemma for Clay but when the president asked you for something you did it. Bobby took one of the cars from the club and drove over to Gemma and Clay's house. He saw her car parked out front and relaxed in the car figuring he wouldn't be seeing anything.

Gemma got Sean settled for the night and then took a long relaxing bath. She sat in the tub and put on her reading glasses and turned to a page that she had previously seen in John's book. She found herself reading the book more than ever now. There was something comforting about reading John's words. He had been dos distant in the time leading up to her death that the book seemed to give her insight into his mind. She had already read the book in its entirety but she often found herself rereading the pages that held the most significance to her. Gemma stayed in the bath for awhile before finally stepping out and drying off. She put on a night gown and walked into her bedroom. She got into bed for the night and read until she fell asleep.

Gemma's phone rang in the middle of the night. Gemma reached over and answered in a sleepy voice. "Hello?"

"Hi baby…" said Clay on the other line. "I am sorry to wake you up. I just wanted to let you know that we all made it here safely. How are you and Sean doing?" asked Clay.

"Oh no it is fine. I wanted you to call when you got there. Was the ride okay?" asked Gemma sitting up in bed more. She took off her reading glasses and tucked them and the book into her night stand.

Clay said "Yeah, it was clear on the way up here no problems at all. You going to be okay while I am gone?"

"I will be fine Clay. I worry about you and the boys but you know how that is…I just want to know that all of you will make it home in one piece. I am having Tara and Lyla over for dinner tomorrow night…try to keep their minds off of Jax and Opie being away." said Gemma.

Clay chuckled and said "Well, I am sure that they will appreciate the distraction. It looks like we will be here for four days."

"Well, with the weekend coming up I figure I will have the girls and the kids over a few times." said Gemma. She heard the party going in the background. "It seems like the party is already going there." said Gemma.

Clay said "Oh…yeah Jury kicked it off as soon as we walked into the door. The Vegas charter came in for the party as well. Looks like we will be adding a Carson City charter to the fold, but I will tell you all about that when I make it back to Charming. I should get going but I just wanted to let you know that we were here and we were safe. And…I love you. If you need anything just let Bobby or Piney know…or call me on the pre-paid."

Gemma said "I love you too Clay. Bye." Gemma hung up and reached over turning off her lamp tiredly. Gemma set her alarm clock for 4:00 so that she would be alert when Tara arrived to drop off Abel. Gemma laid down and drifted to sleep.

She woke up twice to take care of Sean but was able to sleep for the rest of the time. The alarm clock went off at 4:00 in the morning and Gemma reluctantly woke up. She reached over turning the clock off. Gemma climbed out of the bed and put on her bathrobe. She trekked to the living room and turned on the porch light since it was still dark outside. She had a seat on the couch and waited for Tara to arrive.

20 minutes later Tara knocked on Gemma's door.

Gemma went to the door and looked out the peephole seeing that it was Tara. "Come in." said Gemma opening the door.

Tara walked in and smiled. "Thank you for doing this Gemma. I am sorry about having to wake you up this early."

"Oh it is fine. I will just go right back to sleep once Abel is settled in. Hopefully, he and Sean will want to sleep late." said Gemma laughing. She reached out taking a sleeping Abel from Tara.

Tara smiled and said "Well, I appreciate it." Tara put Abel's bags on the coffee table. "Give me a call if you need anything."

Gemma chuckled and said "I won't need anything. Be safe driving to work. Did Jax call you?"

Tara nodded and said "He called me about 1:00 in the morning to say they were there. He sounded like he was in good spirits."

"Good, I am glad to hear it." said Gemma.

Tara smiled and said "I better run I don't want to be late for work. I will see you later on tonight. And I will be sure to bring dessert with me."

Gemma chuckled and said "Alright. I will see you later." Gemma walked Tara to the door and then stayed there until Tara was in her car and had pulled off. Gemma closed the door and went to put Abel to bed. Afterward she went back to bed to get some more sleep.


	25. Chapter 25

Gemma was able to get a few more hours of sleep before Abel and Sean woke up. Gemma feed the boys and changed both of them. She set Abel on the floor to play and put Sean in the play pen. Gemma sat reading the newspaper and eating breakfast. Afterward she loaded the dishwasher and was about to go play with Abel when she heard a knock at the door. Gemma got up and went to the door looking out first. She saw a delivery man and opened the door. The delivery guy was holding a large arrangement of Calla Lilies. "I am looking for Mrs. Morrow."

Gemma smiled and said "I am Mrs. Morrow."

The delivery guy handed her the large arrangement that was in a beautiful red vase. He also handed Gemma a box with a bow on it.

Gemma smiled and said "Thank you." Gemma balanced the flowers and the gift box and kicked the front door shut. She set the flowers on the console table by the door. Gemma took the card off the present and read it:

_I am sorry if I upset you the other night. I was just worried about you. I hope I haven't done anything to ruin a good friendship. _

_E.O._

Gemma smiled looking at the flowers and opened the present that came with them. She grinned seeing the assortment of chocolate. She could definitely use a chocolate fix. Gemma ate a piece of the chocolate. Gemma walked over to the phone and picked it up calling Elliot's number. She waited for him to answer.

"Oswald…" said Elliot answering without looking at the caller ID.

"Hi. How are you doing Elliot?" asked Gemma.

Elliot smiled hearing her voice on the other end of the phone. "Gemma…hi. I am doing great now that you have called me…I take it that you aren't angry with me?"

Gemma chuckled softly. "No, I am not angry with you. I've just had a lot on my plate these last few days. I've been meaning to call you but I just haven't gotten around to it. I just got your flowers and the chocolate and I wanted to say thank you. The flowers are beautiful and the chocolate is absolutely delicious."

"I am glad to hear that. I was starting to think that I had really upset you the other night and that was never my intention. I just saw a friend in pain and I wanted to be there for you." said Elliot.

"You didn't upset me Elliot. My life upsets me at the moment. You are actually just a really great supportive friend and I appreciate that. Things are just a little awkward because we are both…very attracted to one another." said Gemma.

"Who knew sexual attraction could be a bad thing? But you are right I am incredibly attracted to you but I am not going to let that get in the way of being your friend. Do you want to get together for coffee or something today? Did Clay go on that trip you mentioned?" asked Elliot. Elliot of course already knew that answer. He had rode by the Teller-Morrow shop that day on his way to city hall and had saw that the gate was closed.

Gemma said "Good, I am glad that we aren't going to let that get in the way of the two of us being friends. Coffee? Sure I guess coffee would be okay. You aren't worried about being seen with me? Yeah he left last night…"

"No, I don't mind being seen with you at all. But I was thinking why don't we meet in Stockton. I need to stop by my lawyer's office anyway. We can meet at that little café across the street from his office. I have an appointment with him at 1:00." said Elliot.

"Well, I do have some errands to run today and I was going to go to Stockton anyway to do some advance shopping for Abel's birthday. I can meet you there around 2:00 how does that sound?" asked Gemma.

Elliot said "Sure I will see you there then."

Gemma smiled to herself. "Okay…I'll see you later Elliot."

"Bye Gemma." said Elliot.

"Bye Elliot." said Gemma hanging up.

Gemma spent part of the morning with Abel and Sean. She waited until Neeta arrived for the day before she got a shower and got dressed. Gemma grabbed her purse and keys and walked over to Neeta. "I will be out for most of the afternoon. If you need anything just call my cell phone." said Gemma.

Neeta nodded and said "Alright, I doubt we will need anything though. Have a good day."

"You too Neeta." said Gemma leaving the house. Gemma walked out to her car and climbed in. She drove around town running several errands. She stopped at the diner to get a cup of coffee. She parked and went inside to get her coffee. When she came out she thought she spotted Bobby parked down the block in one of the cars from the club. Gemma considered that he might have been following her but just shook it off as a coincidence.

Gemma climbed back into her car and took off heading out of Charming with the radio blaring Rolling Stones tunes. Gemma needed to clear her head and she figured a drive on the open road would do that for her. Gemma sped out of town as the sky opened up and rain began beating against her windshield. Gemma ignored it and continued to speed down the county road. Gemma drove for two hours before she suddenly realized that she had no idea where she was and it was 1:30. She laughed at herself and slowed to a stop. She looked around for any signs that could tell her where she was. Gemma didn't see any so she made a u-turn in the virtually deserted roadway and went back the way she had come. Gemma called Elliot's cell phone and left him a message.

"Hi Elliot…I got a little turned around so I might be a few minutes late getting to the café but I will be there." said Gemma. She hung up and continued to drive.

She finally found her bearings and started driving toward Stockton so that she could meet Elliot. When she was just 20 miles outside of town she started to hydroplane. Gemma struggled to keep her car on the road but she couldn't. She slid off the road and into a ditch. The car came to a hard stop and Gemma whacked her head on the windshield. The force of the blow knocked Gemma out cold. Gemma came to a few minutes later and looked around for a moment confused about where she was. She felt something wet on her face and touched her forehead. She looked at her hand and saw blood. "Shit…" muttered Gemma groggily. Gemma reached for her purse but saw that it had slid off the seat. She leaned down to grab her purse feeling woozy. She searched for her cell phone and hit the call button. The phone called the last number she called.

Elliot answered on the first ring. "Gemma? Where are you? I've been waiting here for 40 minutes." said Elliot laughing.

"I don't know…I think I slid off the road…I was taking the county road to Stockton." muttered Gemma.

Elliot said "Are you okay?"

"I think so…my head is bleeding but I think I am okay…" said Gemma.

"Where are you?" asked Elliot getting up. He grabbed his keys and ran out to his car.

"I don't know…I was couple of miles outside of Stockton…when it happened." said Gemma.

"Don't worry I am on my way. We'll call a tow for your car." said Elliot. Elliot sped like a bat out of hell to get to Gemma. He took the county road and kept his eyes peeled for Gemma's car. He spotted it and rode past it. He did a u-turn so that he could park on the side of the road. Elliot flipped on his hazard lights and got out of the car getting soaked from the rain. He slid down the ditch to Gemma's car. He tapped on the window. "Open the door Gemma…"

Gemma fiddled with the door and finally opened it. She took off her seatbelt. "Thank you for coming to get me." said Gemma. Gemma grabbed her purse and tried to get out of the car but felt light headed.

Elliot helped her out of the care and asked "What are friends for?" He helped her out of the car and carried her up the slippery ditch to the road where his car was. Elliot opened the door to his Benz and eased Gemma inside of the car. Elliot went around to the other side of the car. He drove off toward Charming. "I am going to take you to St. Thomas."

Gemma said "No, I don't want to go to the hospital. If the word gets out and Bobby or Piney finds out….they'll tell Clay and he will want to come back early. Clay needs this time away."

"Gemma your head is bleeding. The last time I listened to you I came back to find you passed out in a puddle of your own blood. I won't be making that mistake again. You could have a concussion or something." said Elliot.

Gemma searched her purse for Kleenex and pressed it to her head. She wiped away the blood and said "Look I am not bleeding anymore…it stopped…"

"Okay…you still could have a concussion. Well, I could keep an eye on you to make sure you don't have a concussion…but if you start falling passing out then I am taking you to the hospital." said Elliot.

"See that is a good solution." said Gemma.

Elliot said "Okay…fine. I'll take you back to my house and keep an eye on you." Elliot drove into Charming and toward his property. He kept glancing over at Gemma worried about whether or not she was okay. Elliot pulled up at his house and got out of the car going around to Gemma's side. He opened her door and helped her out of the car and into his house. He took her to his bedroom upstairs and got her settled in the bed. "I am going to go find a first aid kit so that I can do something about your head."

Gemma chuckled and said "I will be here." Gemma laid her head back on a pillow and took a breath. Her head was killing her and she was freezing from being dressed in now soaking wet clothing.

Elliot returned a few minutes later with the first aid kit and sat next to Gemma on the bed. He cleaned the cut on her forehead and put a band aid on it. "How are you feeling?" asked Elliot handing her a couple of aspirin and a bottle of water.

"My head hurts but other than that I am okay. Thank you for doing this Elliot. I just really didn't want to go to the hospital. I don't need Clay or Jax worrying about me." said Gemma. She sat up a little and took the aspirin and washed them down with the water.

Elliot couldn't help but see the way her now wet white tank top was clinging to her cleavage. He felt bad for looking while she was in pain so he averted his eyes. "Why don't I get you something dry to put on?" asked Elliot getting up. He went into his closet and came back out with a robe, a t-shirt, and gym shorts. "They have a drawstring…if you pull it tight enough you should be okay. I will give you some privacy to change." Elliot walked out of the bedroom closing the door behind him.

Gemma changed into the clothes Elliot had given her. She laid down in the bed tiredly and ended up drifting off to sleep for an hour. She got up and walked into the hallway looking for Elliot. "Elliot?" asked Gemma loudly.

"I'm in the kitchen." said Elliot.

Gemma walked down the stairs going to the kitchen.

"I figured you could use some tea." said Elliot. "How are you feeling? Did you sleep well?"

"I am doing better. Thank you for coming to get me Elliot. I didn't mean to fall asleep but it was a good nap." said Gemma.

"Of course…I was worried about you anyway…I was starting to wonder if something was wrong when you hadn't shown up." said Elliot.

Gemma said "I decided to go for a drive instead of shopping. I guess I stopped paying attention at some point and I drove…way out of my way. I had to turn back and go the other way so that I could make it to Stockton. I was nearly there when the next thing I know I am hydroplaning and skidding across the road. I am glad that I walked away with just a bump on my head." She sighed a little.

Elliot brought her tea over to the table. "Well, I am glad that you are okay. So why were you driving so far out anyway?"

"I just needed some quiet time to think about myself." Gemma drank some of her tea. "I just had a revelation of sorts yesterday. I thought I was the only one suffering because of my relationship with Clay…but it has been having a negative effect on Jax….he is worried about me…"

"He should be…" said Elliot.

"I am fine Elliot. I don't need Jax worrying about me." said Gemma. She gave him a small smile letting him know that he didn't need to worry about her either.

"Case in point…you got into an accident today because you were coming back from who knows where. This relationship is taking a toll on you and it is starting to show." said Elliot.

Gemma couldn't argue with him there so instead she gave him a glare. She drank her tea and said "The point is I've got more than just myself to consider in all of this. Maybe I can go a few months struggling with Clay…but I don't know if everyone else can make it for a few months."

"So you are going to go ahead with the divorce?" asked Elliot trying not to sound too hopeful at the prospect.

"No, I am going to show people what I want them to see and keep the rest hidden. Clay and I have a lot of good years together…I love that man. I want to try to work it out." said Gemma.

"That is commendable of you a lot of people give up on their marriages easily…but at some point you've got to do what is best for you…and it sounds like…what is best for Jax." said Elliot trying to be supportive.

"I know that you are right but 17 years is a lot of time to just throw away…" said Gemma. She finished her cup of tea. "I need to call Bobby and let him know that I need the car towed." Gemma got up from the table and walked upstairs to get her purse. She called Bobby.

"Hello?" asked Bobby.

"Bobby, its Gemma. I hydroplaned out on county road 44 and slid into a ditch. I got a ride back into town but I need you to tow my car back to the garage and check it out. I am fine so do not go calling Clay about this…I mean it Bobby."

"Okay I will pick up the car now. I'll drop by the house to see you in a bit. Bye Gemma." said Bobby hanging up. He was kicking himself because he had stopped to pick up lunch and had lost Gemma. Clay was going to kill him.

Gemma groaned and walked into the kitchen. "I hate to run Elliot but I've got to go. Bobby is going to go get my car but he is also going to stop by my house to see me…I better get home. Can you take me?"

Elliot nodded and said "Sure I can drive you home."

"I am going to go upstairs and change." said Gemma. "Thank you Elliot for everything." said Gemma. She went upstairs and changed back into her wet clothes that had only dried somewhat. She headed back downstairs. "Thank you for your help Elliot."

"It is no problem…I am glad to do it." said Elliot. Elliot looked into her eyes for a moment and leaned in kissing her softly. "I hate to see the way he hurts you…you deserve to be happy Gemma…"

Gemma looked into his eyes. "Elliot…we are two very different people. You are straight laced and law abiding…you will be taking the office of mayor in a month…getting involved with me would be a bad stretch of road that you don't want. You care about me…I will give you that…but you don't want a relationship that has no guarantee of working when you have so much to lose."

"When are there ever guarantees?" asked Elliot.

"Elliot…I think you are an amazing man. And you have been such a good friend to me…be my friend okay…but I've got to figure out if I can salvage my marriage. I am sorry if I led you on in anyway…" said Gemma.

"You didn't lead me on Gemma. You've been pretty clear about your intentions…so let me be clear about mines. I care about you and I like you. First and foremost I am your friend and if that is all we can ever be…then I can take that. And I don't know what a relationship between us could turn out to be…but it could be something great. You want to try to work things out with Clay…I can respect that…but I will say this…if he falls short and it doesn't work out…I'll be there to catch you." said Elliot. Elliot opened the front door for her.

Gemma was stunned momentarily by his declaration but quickly recovered. She walked out of the house and out to his car. It was still raining but the storm had slacked up some. Gemma climbed into the car when Elliot unlocked it.

Elliot got in and drove Gemma home in relative silence. Both of them had a lot on their minds at the moment. Elliot pulled up in front of Gemma's house.

"Thank you…for everything Elliot." said Gemma. She kissed his cheek and got out of his car. She went inside.

Elliot drove off after she closed the door.


	26. Chapter 26

Gemma grabbed a hot shower and changed into black lounge pants and a matching tank top. She figured she wouldn't be going out again for the rest of the day. She looked at the time and sighed. She needed to get ready to start dinner it was already 5:30 and she was supposed to be cooking a roast. Gemma went into the kitchen and saw that Neeta was already working on it.

Gemma smiled and said "Neeta you are a life-saver. Thank you. I was just thinking that I needed to get the roast done or it wouldn't be ready in time for dinner. I'd feel bad ordering pizza when the girls are bringing salad and dessert."

"I had some free time on my hands when Abel and Sean went down for their naps. I saw the roast was defrosted so I decided to go ahead and put it on for you." said Neeta. She saw Gemma's forehead and asked "Is everything okay?"

Gemma said "I got into a little accident and hit my head. But I feel good. Thank you for all of your help around here Neeta." Gemma heard a knock at the door. "I'll get that." said Gemma. Gemma went to the door and looked out seeing Bobby. She held back a sigh and opened the door. "Hi Bobby." said Gemma moving to let him in.

Bobby saw the band aid on her forehead and said "Clay is going to kill me when he finds out about this Gemma. I know you don't want me to say anything to him about it but if he comes home and finds out that I didn't tell him… he will be pissed. Well more pissed."

"He has no reason to be angry with you Bobby. I got into a car accident. There is nothing anyone can do about something like that. I hit my head on the windshield…it happens. How is my car?" said Gemma.

"The car is fine. You busted the front right tire on the car. So I am having Dog replace it and check your alignment before he brings it back here for you. You should have it in a few hours." said Bobby.

"Thank you Bobby. You let me worry about handling Clay. I will tell him what happened. It will be better coming from me okay? I am officially letting you off the hook." said Gemma.

Bobby was hardly off the hook he was supposed to be tailing Gemma but he lost her while he was getting a hot dog for lunch. And while she was out of range she had gotten into a car accident. No...Clay was going to kill him he was fairly sure of that. "You said that you got a ride back into town…? Who picked you up. I am sure Clay will want to say thank you." said Bobby trying to fish for information.

Gemma said "Elliot Oswald was passing by on his way back to Charming and he spotted the car in the ditch. He stopped and picked me up." Gemma decided to telling part of the truth was probably best in case anyone in town had seen her in the car with Elliot.

Bobby nodded and said "Ah…our new mayor is a Good Samaritan as well. Do you need anything Gemma? Is there anything that I can do?"

Gemma chuckled a little and said "Yeah, he's a regular boy scout. No, I don't need anything Bobby I am fine. Could you please go back to the garage and make sure that Dog doesn't break my car. I don't always trust his work. I'd prefer you and Lowell working on it."

Bobby nodded and said "Alright, I will have Lowell take a look at it when I get back to the garage. I am going to head there now. I am glad that you are okay Gemma." Bobby hugged her and then walked out of the house.

Gemma closed and locked the door behind him and sighed. She ran a frustrated hand through her hair. She walked to her bedroom and had a seat on the bed. She searched through her night stand for her pre-paid phone and called Clay.

Clay answered the phone. "Hi baby."

Gemma said "Hi Clay. How are you doing? Do you have a couple of minutes to talk? This won't take long. I know you are probably busy." She heard talking in the background.

Clay said "I am doing good now that I hear your voice. Yeah sure just let me go outside." Clay walked outside where it was quiet. He had a seat. "Is everything okay with you and Sean?" asked Clay concerned. Gemma usually didn't call him while he was on the road.

"Sean and I are both doing great Clay. I was just calling you because I got into a little accident today on my way to Stockton. It was raining. I was driving a little too fast to begin with and I ended up hydroplaning. I lost control of the car and went into a ditch. Sean wasn't with me at the time he was here with Neeta and Abel so I am the only one that was in the accident. I hit my head on the windshield but other than that I am fine. I wasn't even going to tell you about this but Bobby was worried that you would blame him. So I am telling you now that this is not Bobby's fault. He can't be expected to be with me every moment. So please don't be hard on him." said Gemma.

Clay felt his blood boiling hearing that from Gemma. Bobby was expected to be with her every moment that was the point of tailing someone. Clay said "Are you sure that you are okay? Did you go to the hospital?"

"I am fine Clay. It is nothing that a band aid and nap won't cure. I busted a tire on the car but Bobby says there wasn't any other damage, but Bobby and Lowell are going to give it a once over just to be certain. No harm no foul. Okay?" asked Gemma.

"No harm? Gemma you were in a car accident. I am going to come home tomorrow. The boys can handle the rest of the business up here. I'll have Chibs or Half-Sack ride back with me." said Clay.

"I just have a bump on the head there is no reason for you to come home. You needed the time away from home for a reason so use this time to get yourself together. I will be fine." said Gemma.

Clay stood there thinking it over. He shook his head and finally said "Fine…if you say that you are okay then I won't come home but…please be more careful Gemma. What were you going to Stockton for anyway?"

"I was going to do a little early birthday shopping for Abel. I wasn't about to let rain stop me from doing what I needed to do. By the way I told Jax and Tara that they could hold Abel's birthday party here. You have nothing to worry about I am okay." said Gemma.

Clay said "Well, maybe when you attempt this shopping trip again you could just let Bobby drive you? I'd feel better knowing that you are okay. I had almost forgotten that Abel's birthday was coming up. Some much has happened in his little life."

"I am not about to let Bobby chauffer me around town. I am capable of driving myself Clay. Well, I will let you go I know you have a lot to do. Tell Jax that I love him please and let him know that I am okay." said Gemma.

"Alright…I love you baby." said Clay.

"I love you too." said Gemma.

Clay hung up with Gemma and called Bobby.

Bobby said "Clay...I am assuming Gemma called you?"

"Yes, she called me and I am trying to figure out why you didn't call me. And why you weren't there when she had the crash! You were supposed to be following her Bobby. I asked you to do two things...watch out for Gemma and keep tabs on her for me and apparently you weren't able to do either one." said Clay fuming.

"I couldn't follow her too closely Clay. Your old lady knows how to spot a tail you know that. I followed her around town while she ran some errands. Then she stopped at the diner and came back out with coffee. She looked down the street and I swore that she saw me. So I decided to hang back a bit and catch up with her. But I lost her..." said Bobby. He figured he could leave out the part where he stopped to get a hot dog for lunch because he was hungry.

Clay calmed somewhat knowing that Bobby was right. If Gemma realized Bobby was following her not only could she shake a tail if she wanted to, but she would be incredibly pissed at Clay and the last thing he needed was another reason for Gemma to be angry with him. Clay said "Okay...just keep a watch on the house...let me know who is coming and going...can you do that without getting caught?"

"Sure, I can do that Clay. But are you sure you really want to do this? I mean I stayed outside the house for the entire night last night and nothing happened. I don't think she is seeing anyone... Tara dropped off Abel around 4:30 this morning. And there was a flower delivery." said Bobby seriously.

"I didn't send Gemma any flowers." said Clay getting angry all over again.

"Maybe it was Jax..." offered Bobby realizing that he had just put his very large foot into his even bigger mouth.

"I want to know who sent those flowers. Go to the florist and ask...you have a rapport with her right?" asked Clay seething. Bobby had an on again off again relationship with the local florist Delores.

Bobby said "Yes, I have a rapport with Delores but...the flowers weren't from here in town Clay. I didn't recognize the name on the van... Keller's Garden...I don't know it. I can ask around and see if anyone knows where it is located..."

Clay said "I want you to really get into it. I want to know who sent those flowers to her. I want to know if they've sent any other flowers to her. And when you find out who it is you call me immediately."

"Well, did you ask Gemma...who sent the other flowers?" asked Bobby hoping there was a practical explanation for everything.

"She said that a friend sent them to her. But she wouldn't tell me who this friend was so that means she has something to hide. If someone has been pursuing my wife he is going to be a dead son of a bitch. Gemma is my wife..." said Clay in a deadly tone. "How did she get home anyway? Did you pick her up? How bad is the bump on her head? You know Gemma she only tells me what she wants me to know."

Bobby knew that tone well enough that he just gave up. "I'll find out what I can about this florist and the person that bought the flowers. As soon as I know anything I will call you back Clay...you have my word. She said that Elliot Oswald was headed toward Charming when he spotted her car on the other side of the road. He gave her a ride back to Charming. The bump on her forehead looked sort of swollen. But I won't know the full extent for another couple of hours once the swelling stops. She's got it covered with a band aid so it isn't like she is going to let me see it. But I can ask the Doc to take a look at her."

Clay said "Good...thank you brother. I know you don't feel right about this but...this is the only way I can ensure the survival of my marriage... I need to eliminate the competition whoever he might be." Clay felt bad for being so hard on Bobby. None of this was Bobby's fault. Clay said "I know you are doing your best Bobby and this isn't really in your job description but...I need to protect my relationship with Gemma. And I can't do that if she has a suitor skulking on the background. Good, have the Doc look at Gemma and let me know how it goes."

Bobby said "I understand brother...I've been in your position before...the sheer sense of panic of losing the woman you love can lead you to...do some crazy things. When I know something I'll call. Bye brother."

"Bye." said Clay hanging up. He stood outside and turned punching the wall. "Damn it!" growled Clay.

Bobby hung up and walked into the club house seeing Piney.

Piney was having a shot of whiskey. "You look like you've been hit with a freight train Bobby. What's wrong?"

Bobby looked at Piney and figured he might as well tell him. "Clay told me to follow Gemma...he wants to know where she is going and who she is seeing. Now...he wants me to find out who sent her flowers. I don't feel right spying on Gemma this way."

"Why the hell is Clay wanting you to spy on Gemma?" asked Piney.

"He thinks that Gemma is seeing another man or that another man is seeing her...he said that she told him as much when they were separated. He doesn't think it has stopped." said Bobby.

Piney said "Shit...are you going to do it?"

Bobby said "I am going to do it and hope that I don't find anything. If there is someone Clay intends to kill him. The club doesn't need that..."

Piney nodded and said "Well, you better get on it..."

Bobby said "Don't remind me." Bobby groaned and went to his room at the club to put on some cologne. He was going to visit Delores to see if she could tell him anything about other local florists.


	27. Chapter 27

Bobby rode over to flower shop and parked outside. Bobby climbed off of his bike and walked into the shop. The bell rung as he walked inside.

Delores looked up from the counter seeing Bobby. Delores was a 40 year old Hispanic woman. She smiled and said "Well, if it isn't Bobby Elvis..."

Bobby smiled and said "Good evening darlin'? How are you doing today?"

"I am doing good Bobby. So to what do I owe this visit?" asked Delores. She wasn't used to Bobby just showing up unannounced. "Come here to buy flowers for a new lady in your life?' asked Delores with just a tinge of jealousy in her voice over thinking that Bobby was buying flowers for another woman. The two of them weren't serious but they were pretty regular sex partners.

Bobby smiled hearing the jealousy in her voice. "No, the only woman that I would be buying flowers for would be you. But I did come here needing a favor from you. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important..." Bobby didn't know how important it was or if he even wanted an answer to his question.

"I haven't heard from you in a couple of weeks and you stop by looking for a favor?" asked Delores raising an eyebrow at him. She smirked a little to let him know that she was only joking. She was like most of the other business owners in town, she helped out the Sons whenever she could and she had a special soft spot for Bobby.

Bobby laughed and said "Things have been a little hectic but that is no excuse. Why don't you let me take you out tomorrow night?" Bobby smiled like the back and forth they always had with one another.

Delores said "I don't know Bobby..." She laughed a little. "Maybe you could persuade me?" asked Delores.

Bobby smiled looking at her and started to sing. "Are you lonesome tonight...do you miss me tonight? Are you sorry we drifted...apart..." Bobby continued to sing to her smirking as he did. Delores had a soft spot for the King and Bobby exploited it whenever he fell out of favor with her. Bobby continued singing to her.

Delores smiled and said "Alright...alright...what do you need?"

"I need to know what you know about a place called Keller's Garden." said Bobby.

"Oh they are a pretty big floral/gift shop in Stockton. A friend of mine works over there. Why do you ask? Are you thinking of buying flowers from the competitor?" asked Delores laughing.

"No...I need to find out who sent some flowers from there to a friend of mine...do you think your friend would be willing to part with that information?" asked Bobby.

Delores said "Sure I bet she would. She owes me a favor or two." Delores glanced at the clock on the wall. "She should still be at work. I can close up early and ride over there with you if you'd like."

Bobby smiled and said "I would like that."

Delores said "Alright, just give me a minute to shut everything down here." Delores started the process of closing her shop but left the cleaning for the next morning. Once she was finished closing up Delores followed Bobby out of her shop. She climbed into her car. "Just follow me over there."

Bobby chuckled to himself he'd have to do a better job than he did earlier. Bobby followed Delores to Stockton. They arrived at the floral shop as the business was closing.

Delores tapped on the glass door.

An older woman came to the door and smiled. "Hi Delores. What are you doing here?"

"Meg, I need a favor…your shop sent some flowers out today to Charming…and I was wondering if you could tell me who bought them…" said Delores.

Meg looked over seeing Bobby. Meg just chuckled. "This must be the Elvis impersonator. Come on in. I need the address where the flowers were sent or the recipient's name." Meg walked over to the computer.

Delores laughed and said "Yes... Meg this Bobby…Bobby this is Meg."

"It is nice to meet you Meg…the person's name is Gemma Morrow or maybe Gemma Teller?' asked Bobby.

Meg typed the information in and said "I am sorry I don't have a record of who sent the flowers. The person paid in cash."

"What about a card? Do you know what it said? How much were these flowers?" asked Bobby trying to think of any information that might keep Clay off of his ass. This information gathering was more in Juice's kill set.

"I am afraid we don't. We allow the person to write in the card on their own and we just add it to the bouquet or arrangement when it is ready for delivery. The order today consisted of two dozen long stem Calla Lilies in a vase and a 5lb assortment of chocolate. They ended up costing $250 and $200 respectively." said Meg.

Bobby said "Well, could you tell me if any other flowers or gifts have been sent to that the person from here?"

Meg said "Sure I can look for you." Meg typed and pulled up the other order. Meg said "There have been two deliveries: the one today of Calla Lilies and a 5lb assortment of chocolate. And on another occasion there was an arrangement of Roses and another arrangement of Calla Lilies, as well as chocolate. That previous transaction was paid for with cash as well. Two dozen long stem red Roses in a Waterford crystal vase was $300. And the 5lb assortment of chocolate was $200. So that would be $750 for the first delivery and $450 for the second delivery. I remember taking this order this morning. I am sorry that I wasn't of more help."

Bobby said "Do you happen remember who ordered the flowers? What the person looked like that is?"

"No, I am sorry…he was an older white man. I couldn't tell you anymore about that. Fridays are generally a day of brisk business so everyone that comes through here is like a blur to me." said Meg.

Bobby said "Okay…thank you for your help." Bobby slid her some money as a thanks. "I'll wait outside for you Delores." said Bobby. He walked outside and called Clay.

Clay answered after a couple of rings. "Tell me you have something." demanded Clay in a more harsh voice than he had intended.

"I struck out Clay. The person that sent the flowers and chocolate paid in cash. The woman says she doesn't remember much about the guy other than he was an older white man. Apparently, today he sent Gemma two dozen Calla Lilies and a 5 lb assortment of chocolate. He's sent flowers once before…Roses and Calla Lilies as well as chocolate. He spent a pretty penny on both orders." said Bobby was convinced now that Gemma was seeing someone. Before now he had thought that Clay was just a little paranoid. But if he spent that kind of money on a woman he was definitely hitting that.

"How much is a pretty penny?" asked Clay.

Bobby said "$750 on the first order and $450 for the one this morning…"

"I want you to keep a close eye on her. I am coming back Sunday morning. Don't tell Gemma. I want to surprise her…" said Clay.

"Okay I will camp outside of the house again tonight to see if I see anything. I'll call you if I see anything." said Bobby.

"Alright…thanks for all of your help brother. I'll see you Sunday." said Clay hanging up.

Clay stood there thinking over his options. He tried to think of someone he might get information out of. Clay knew that Gemma confided in the Doc from time to time but he didn't expect to get anything out of her. Clay decided to take another avenue. He figured he could call Elliot Oswald under the guise of thanking him for picking up Gemma. Clay dialed Elliot's number.

"Oswald." said Elliot when he answered the phone.

"Elliot…this is Clay. I wanted to call and say thank you for helping Gemma out today. She told me that you spotted her car in the ditch. How was she when you picked her up?" asked Clay.

Elliot was shocked to hear Clay's voice and wondered if he had found out about his relationship with Gemma. But he decided the relative calm demeanor pointed toward no. "It was no problem at all. Gemma is a good friend. I've known her for years anything I can do to help I will. She was a little confused but she hit her head on the windshield pretty hard. I was worried that she had a concussion. I wanted to take her to the hospital but she refused…she was worried it would get back to you and you would be worried and come home early or something like that." Elliot mentioned that part purposely.

Clay said "That woman is damn stubborn she won't listen to what anyone has to say. Well, thank you for looking out for her. If you need anything you let me know. I owe you one."

"The Sons have been more than helpful it was the club's support that helped me win this election so I appreciate that. And even when all of you couldn't make it to the rallies and debates Gemma still showed up." said Elliot.

"Yeah, Gemma really believed in your campaign. I haven't seen her interested in politics in a long time. You've seen more of her lately haven't you?" asked Clay.

Elliot said "Sure, the week or so running up to the election I saw Gemma a couple of times. Why do you ask?"

"Well, I was just wondering if you noticed anyone hanging around her or anything…" asked Clay.

"In what way?" asked Elliot.

"Well, it is no secret that…Gemma and I separated for a little bit…the rumors were going around town…pretty quickly. I mean…did you notice anyone …maybe someone trying to talk to her or something at one of your events…an older white guy? Someone that might have asked her out or something?" asked Clay.

Elliot wasn't sure if Clay was baiting him or what. Elliot chose the safe answer. "I didn't notice anyone but...I have to say I was pretty busy at the rally, debate, and the party. So I might have missed something…"

"Damn it." said Clay angrily. "I've been trying to figure out who this son of a bitch is…." said Clay in a near growl. "Okay…well thank you anyway. I'll let you go. Have a good evening." Clay hung up. He was more agitated than before. No one seemed to know who Gemma had been seeing and it was running up his blood pressure.

Elliot chuckled at the absurdity of that entire exchange. However, after he stopped laughing it also sobered him up. He realized just what sort of situation he was in. Clay was on a mission to find out who had been sleeping with Gemma and he was not going to be friendly when he found out. Elliot was less worried about what would happen to himself and more worried about what would happen to Gemma. He wouldn't be able to forgive himself if Gemma was harmed in any way because of her involvement with him. Elliot decided to call Gemma to give her a heads up.

"Hi Elliot." said Gemma having looked at the caller ID before she answered the phone.

Elliot could hear kids laughing in the background. "I am sorry I didn't mean to interrupt you I can call back later." offered Elliot.

"Oh you aren't interrupting me. I invited of Tara and Lyla over for dinner. They are just getting ready to leave but I have a minute. Is everything okay? You don't sound too good." said Gemma walking out of the kitchen and going to her bedroom for some privacy.

"Clay called me tonight." said Elliot letting the statement hang in the air for a moment. He still couldn't believe it himself.

"What? What did he want?" asked Gemma slightly worried.

"He called to thank me for getting you to safety this afternoon. But he also called to ask if I knew of anyone that had asked you out on a date or seemed overly interested in you at any of my political events." said Elliot.

"Son of a bitch…" muttered Gemma. She was somewhere between worried and just plain pissed off. She was pissed off that Clay had gone behind her back and asked someone else about something so personal. But at the same time she was worried that Elliot could be in danger.

"I don't think he suspects me…." said Elliot breaking the tense silence. "But I am more worried about you Gemma. I've seen what Clay is capable of in person…I wouldn't want that sort of…attention thrown your way." said Elliot.

"You don't have to worry about me Elliot. I know how to take care of myself and if someone has to die…well it won't be me." said Gemma with conviction. She loved her husband with all of her heart but she would always choose herself if it came down to survival. "But more importantly…Clay wouldn't hurt me. He loves me he is just frustrated and worried."

"I don't doubt that you can take care of yourself Gemma…you've always been resourceful. But I also know the anger that can course through a man's veins when he realizes he might be losing the woman he loves to another man. Learning the details of Karen's affair…affairs…nearly drove me over the edge. And I am not a violent man by nature." said Elliot.

"I understand your point perfectly. I've been the jealous one before…and I understand the feelings. I appreciate you being concerned about me Elliot but I will be okay." said Gemma.

Elliot took a breath knowing the next words from his mouth would be difficult for him to say and for him to abide by. "Gemma, I don't know how to say this other than to come right out and say it. I think you are a beautiful and amazing woman. I have loved the time that we have spent together. But for now I think that we need to have limited contact. I would never be able to forgive myself if Clay did something to hurt you in any way…because of your contact with me. And even as mayor…there is no doubt in my mind that I would end up a missing person…If you ever need me for anything…anything at all you know where to find me…I'll let you go…goodnight."

"Elliot wait I…" said Gemma but she was cut off by the dial tone. Gemma stared at the phone and took in a pained breath. Suddenly she felt very alone. Gemma wanted to call him back and tell him that he was wrong but she couldn't. She wasn't worried about her safety but she was worried about Elliot's safety. Clay would kill him without even blinking an eye. As much as it hurt to think about cutting off communication with Elliot she knew it was probably for the best right now. But that didn't make her feel any better.


	28. Chapter 28

Gemma stayed in her room for awhile completely distracted. She kept thinking about the words that fell out of Elliot's mouth. She just needed someone to talk to. Someone that she could trust. Someone that didn't want to sleep with her. She heard a light knock on her bedroom door. She glanced at the clock trying to figure out how long she had been sitting alone in the dark.

"Gemma? Are you okay?" asked Tara standing outside the bedroom door. She had already sent Lyla home for the night but she stuck around because it wasn't like Gemma to just disappear in the middle of something. "Can I come in?" asked Tara worry a tinge of worry in her voice. Good or bad Gemma was her family now. Gemma was her mother and if she needed help then she would be there.

Gemma heard the worry in Tara's voice and got up from the bed. She took in a deep breath and made sure her eyes were dry. She opened the door. "I am fine darlin' what do you need?" asked Gemma.

Tara's eyes went to Gemma's face when she opened the door. "You don't look fine, Gemma." said Tara. Tara's eyes scanned Gemma's face and noted the tell-tale signs of crying. "Do you want to talk about it?" asked Tara in a worried voice. "I put on a pt of coffee…" said Tara.

Gemma shook her head and said "No, not at all. Today has just been a bad day and I want it to end." Gemma walked out of her room and went into the kitchen. She noticed how empty the house seemed. "Where are Lyla and the children?" asked Gemma.

"I told Lyla she could go on home. The kids looked pretty worn out. I think they had a lot of fun tonight. I let her know that I would stay here and help you clean up. I don't have to work tomorrow so I can stay as late as I need to. I was worried when you didn't come back from your room." said Tara.

"There is nothing to worry about I am fine. I think I need a t-shirt that says it because I have been saying it a lot lately. And no one seems to believe me." quipped Gemma as she started cleaning the kitchen.

"Well, you know the old saying… the lady doth protest too much. I don't think anyone is trying to pry into your business Gemma. Everyone is just concerned about you. I know Jax and I are. Jax definitely is worried. I know you are used to carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders…alone. But you don't have to do that anymore. Now I promise I won't say another word. I just want you to know that you aren't alone." said Tara and she started cleaning the kitchen as well. The kids had made somewhat of a mess at dinner.

Gemma stopped cleaning after awhile and had a seat at the table. "Have a seat." said Gemma to Tara. She wanted to tell someone and she felt like she could trust Tara. Tara had kept her secrets before.

Tara grabbed two coffee cups and the pot of coffee walked over to the table and had a seat with Gemma. She knew better to say anything. She would just wait and see what Gemma had to say. In the meantime she poured coffee for both of them. She settled back in the large high back chair.

Gemma lit a cigarette and relaxed. "Elliot called me tonight…he thinks that we shouldn't be friends anymore because it is dangerous…not just for him…but he feels as if it is dangerous for me too. But more than himself he seemed to be worried about my safety and well being. And in my heart I know it is the right thing. For him that is. I don't worry about my own safety. I can take care of myself. And even if I couldn't…Clay would have a hard time doing any serious harm to me and walking around afterward. I know for sure Jax and Opie would want to make him disappear." said Gemma. She drank a little of the coffee. "I am going to Irish this up. I hate decaf." said Gemma getting up with a chuckle. She went to the cabinet pulling out a bottle of whiskey. She walked back over to the table and sat down spiking her coffee.

Tara said "So…you and Elliot are what Gemma?" Tara was confused as to just what was going on between the two of them. She had wanted to ask that question since the night Gemma had been stabbed.

"We are friends…that is all we are…and now we aren't even that. Elliot wants to keep our contact limited because Clay called him tonight…asking him if he knew who might have been asking me out while we were separated. I suppose that hit a little close to home for him and he became worried about the consequences." said Gemma.

Tara gave Gemma a skeptical look. It wasn't that she thought that Gemma was lying to her. Tara thought that Gemma was lying to herself.

Gemma glanced at Tara seeing the look on her face. "What?" asked Gemma.

Tara said "That doesn't look like the…I lost my friend look. It looks like something more. And considering that he sent new flowers today…."

"Well, there is no secret here…you know that Elliot and I slept together. We did so more than once. He's sweet and he's a nice guy. He cares about me. He made this fiasco with Clay more bearable if that is even possible. And it was nice because instead of taking care of him…he was concerned about me. And I don't get that much. And I know that his can't work out…not just because Clay will kill him but because Elliot and I aren't a match for one another. We are two very different people. I am more cold-hearted than Clay is…do you really think Elliot and I could make it for the long haul?" asked Gemma in a rhetorical way.

"So you feel alone again? Like if this thing with Clay doesn't work out you will be on your own?" asked Tara.

Gemma chuckled a little. She fell silent for a minute. "I love Clay. But I don't know if that is enough anymore. And I know it has only been a couple of weeks since all of this started and that things could get better. I am just not used to Clay and I being this far out of sync. Clay and I have always been like two pieces to a whole and now….and I now I realize that my bullshit is affecting Jax. Which is the last thing I ever wanted. "

"Well, you can't make a decision about your life based on how it affects Jax. Jax wouldn't want that. He doesn't care what you do as long as you are happy and not depressed. Trust me we've talked about you a lot in the last couple of weeks. He was a mess when you took off for Vegas and wouldn't talk to him. I didn't know if I was going to be able to keep the location from him for much longer. I was so glad when you came back….." said Tara.

"Well, something has to happen because I can't keep living like this…I just can't. I want to be able to forgive Clay and move on but I don't know that I will ever be able to…not fully. Clay wants our life to go back to the life we had but…I don't know if that is possible anymore. And Elliot deciding to not be my friend anymore tonight was just sort of the last straw. How much am I supposed to give up to make this thing with Clay work? What has he sacrificed? If I keep going this way I will resent Clay every step of the way and it won't end well because I will start to hate him. So…I've got to do something to strike out on my own. I've got to do something that is in line with what I want and then maybe I won't feel so bitter." said Gemma.

"Like what?" asked Tara looking at Gemma. She got up from the table and grabbed some cookies from the cabinet. She had a seat at the table snacking and waiting for Gemma to continue talking.

"I wanted to buy the salon from Nadine. She asked me if I was interested when I went to get my nails done the other day…I told her to give me time to think about it…that'd I'd ask Clay if the club wanted it. Why shouldn't I buy it on my own? She is moving back East to be with her children…I don't want Clay involved in my business though. I want it to be mine…and mine alone. Which means I can't go to the club for money or I will be kicking a vig up to the club for God knows how long." said Gemma.

Tara said "Well, can you afford the place without getting a loan from the club?"

Gemma chuckled and said "No, Well, yes…I could afford it but I wouldn't be able to do the updates I would want to do. And the salon definitely needs some updating…"

"Well, what if you had a partner? Someone to help pay for the renovations." asked Tara.

"Like who?" asked Gemma.

"Like me…I mean I sold my dad's house after Jax and I got married. The money has just been sitting around not doing anything. I could invest in your salon. Either I could loan you the money and you pay me back or we could be business partners?" asked Tara.

Gemma laughed and said "Why on Earth would you want to be business partners with me?" Gemma had to admit it was a tempting prospect.

"I don't know. You are my mother-in-law. You are a friend. I think it is awesome that you are striking a blow for women everywhere…I don't know. I trust you to run a good business. You run the garage great…besides…if it helps our family be in a better place? I'll do it." said Tara. "I don't want Abel and the twins having to visit Grandma Gemma in jail because you killed Clay in a rage." said Tara with a chuckle but she was mildly serious about it.

Gemma laughed and shook her head. "Well, I am not saying that I am going to take you up on your offer. But I will say that I will talk to Nadine tomorrow and then do some research on the issue. This just might be the answer to some of my bad feelings. I've given up so much…maybe it is time that I take a little something for myself."

"I think it is an amazing idea Gemma. I mean I left here as soon as I could and I went on to become a doctor…that is what I had to do for myself and I knew staying here…it wouldn't be possible. I would get swallowed up whole. But now I am a doctor and I have Jax and the family I always wanted…but I have what I wanted for myself too." said Tara. Tara looked at her watch and said "It is starting to get really late. I should probably head home."

Gemma said "It is nearly midnight. You should just stay the night. I don't like the idea of you and Abel coming home this late alone. You said you didn't have to work tomorrow right?"

"Normally, I would turn you down but I am so tired I don't feel like carrying Abel tonight." said Tara laughing. "We will stay the night." Tara mostly wanted to stay so that she could keep an eye on Gemma.

Gemma said "Good let's watch a movie or something. I am not ready to go to sleep." Gemma still had a lot on her mind and she knew that she would be able to rest at all.

One of the babies started to cry.

"I am going to go take care of whoever is crying before they wake up the other baby." said Tara chuckling. She got up and went to check on Abel and Sean.

Gemma chuckled watching her. She smiled to herself feeling a little better. Gemma finished cleaning up the kitchen and went to sit in the living room. She flipped around until she saw the movie Scarface. She settled on it and relaxed.

Tara came out of the nursery and said "Abel and Sean both needed to be changed but they are both back to sleep now. Oh Scarface. Jax loves this movie." Tara had a seat on the other couch and curled up watching the movie.

Gemma chuckled and said "It was always one of my favorite movies."

The both of them fell silent watching the movie. When it was over Gemma looked over and saw that Tara had fallen asleep on the couch. Gemma chuckled softly and got up getting a blanket to put over Tara. Gemma had a seat and turned around trying to find something to watch before finally giving up and going to bed. She laid in the bed for awhile thinking about Clay and oddly enough thinking about Elliot too...well something that Elliot had said to her. _'You deserve to be happy.'_ Happy had become a foreign concept as of late but she had been happy in the recent past...how hard could it be to recapture that?

Gemma slept until early the next morning. She got up early and stepped outside to get the newspaper. She looked across the street and saw a man that looked like Bobby asleep with his face resting against the window. Gemma closed the door behind her making sure it wasn't locked and padded across the street in her house shoes. She knocked on the window.

Bobby woke up having been drooling on his window. He opened his eyes and looked seeing Gemma standing there holding the newspaper in one hand and her other hand rested on her hip. Bobby sheepishly turned on the car and let down his window. "Good Morning Gemma."

"Good Morning Bobby…care to tell me what you are doing sitting outside my house asleep?" asked Gemma in a cool tone that ran counter to the fire dancing in her eyes.

Bobby said "I just wanted to be sure that you and Tara were okay…I must have fallen asleep."

"Clay told you to do this didn't he?" asked Gemma.

"Now Gemma…." said Bobby struggling to find some lie that would clear Clay but his brain couldn't manufacture one this early in the morning and on the spot. "He just wanted to be sure that you were safe. You know we've been having flare ups with the Mayans off and on…he wanted to be sure that they didn't try to stir up any trouble with him and the rest of the guys being out of town. Besides if there are any dust ups out in Indian Hills he didn't want it to blow back here." said Bobby proud of himself for thinking of that lie so quickly.

Gemma's eyes narrowed and said "If that were true then Clay would have just told me. Or you would have been stationed inside the house instead of outside. You are keeping tabs on me for Clay." Gemma threw he hand up at him. "Don't lie to me Bobby. I've had enough lies as of late...I'd prefer your silence."

Bobby just sat there and said "He loves you Gemma… this shit between the two of you has been tearing him up inside and outside. It isn't good for Clay. It isn't good for the club. All of the turmoil we've had in the last year. Do you really think that he'd be any good to the club if you left him for good? If you leave him…he might as well step down because he won't be able to focus…and that will get someone killed. You want him drifting out in front of a semi truck like John? You'd never forgive yourself." Bobby knew he was wrong for laying the quilt trip on her. But he wasn't lying either.

Gemma turned around and walked back to her house. She couldn't believe that Bobby had just said that to her. What was worse was she knew there was truth to that bullshit he had just spouted at her. She would blame herself if Clay was hurt or worse killed. She still blamed herself for John's untimely demise. She slammed the door closed behind her. She wanted nothing more than to call Clay and rip into him about his betrayal but she knew it wouldn't do any good and it would be putting Clay and the rest of the guys in danger...including her son. Gemma forced herself to sit at the table and read the newspaper. As soon as she opened the paper she saw a picture of Elliot on the front page.


	29. Chapter 29

Gemma read an article about Elliot taking office within the month and it only served to make her sadder. She was in so much pain and she just wanted someone to talk to but talking to Elliot was out of the question. Gemma threw the article away and took in a breath leaning against the counter. She had pain and anger welling up inside of her and she needed to do something about it. Gemma searched Clay's belongings knowing that she was being petty and spiteful. But somehow it made her feel better like she was taking control of a situation that was spiraling out of control.

What she hadn't counted on was stumbling across letters from Alexis to Clay. Gemma sat on his bed holding the shoe box that contained the letters. Part of her wanted to read them but the other part of her worried that this would be a blow that her marriage could not survive. She put the letters in her bedroom and walked out of the room. Gemma took care of Abel and Sean letting Tara sleep in for a few hours. She was brooding the entire time but trying not to let it affect her time with the babies. But the more she thought about Clay having Bobby spy on her the angrier it made her. And the longer she sat there her mind drifted to the letters that she had found. Should she read them? Would she only be causing herself more heartache?

Tara walked into the nursery around 11:00. "Gemma you should have woken me up. I am sorry for leaving Abel on you this morning. I guess that I have just been burning the candles at both ends lately with work and taking care of Jax and Abel. Have you eaten? I can make a late breakfast or an early lunch…or just brunch." Tara noticed the look on her face. "Why don't you let me look after them for awhile?" asked Tara.

Gemma looked in her direction and offered a tight lipped smile. "I am not angry with you darlin'. You don't have anything to be sorry about. You must be exhausted with the schedule you have been trying to keep." She laughed and said "You fell asleep half way through the movie last night." "Spending the morning with the boys was a welcomed distraction."

"A welcomed distraction from what?" asked Tara concerned about Gemma. "You seemed like you were on an even keel last night when we talked. Did you rethink buying the salon from Nadine?" asked Tara. "What happened?" asked Tara having a seat on the window seat in the bedroom. She curled her leg under her and waited for Gemma to respond to her. She rested her hand on her rounded stomach slightly worried.

"I went out to get the newspaper this morning and I looked across the street because there was a car just sitting there….and Bobby was in the car asleep. He had spent the entire night out there…spying on me for Clay. Probably the other night too but I was far too pissed off to ask about it. He has a long term affair and I am the one that shouldn't be trusted? And to make matters worse I couldn't even Clay call and yell at him because Bobby reminded me what was at stake. The safety of not just Clay but Jax, Opie, and the rest of the boys." said Gemma. "Sitting here with these two precious boys was the only thing that kept me from losing my temper."

Tara said "Maybe…just maybe he realizes now…that you are not a mere possession. You are a living…breathing human being with wants and needs of her own. And I am sure that scares the hell out of him Gemma. I mean I can't speak for Clay but…I saw how much Jax struggled the ten days that you were away. It was pure hell for him…I can't image it was any easier for Clay. I know you are angry about the invasion of privacy…"

"I don't know…but I do know that if things don't change soon…then I will make a change myself. I can't do this any longer." said Gemma. Gemma got quiet for a minute and said "I found letters…to Clay…from Alexis."

Tara just sat there. "Oh God…do you read them?" Tara couldn't imagine finding letters to Jax from another woman. It would kill her. She looked at Gemma expectantly.

"No, I haven't read them…yet. I don't know if I should or if I want to…but just knowing that they exist and that he's kept them…" said Gemma. "The more I learn about his relationship with Alexis…the more I realize that maybe I don't know Clay as well as I thought I did…and it makes me feel…." Gemma trailed off.

"Gemma…Clay loves you…I believe that." said Tara seeing how much Gemma was hurting.

"I believe that too...but I don't know if it is enough anymore. I don't know that I can ever trust him again. And that hurts more than anything else. Would you mind watching Sean for me? I need to get out of the house for awhile." said Gemma.

"Oh sure, I don't have any plans for the day. I was just going to hang around here and bug you anyway…take as much time as you need. If you need me for anything Gemma…please just call me okay…" said Tara.

Gemma smiled and said "Thank you…" Gemma stood up and hugged her. "I will be back." Gemma left the room and went to her bedroom changing into a pair of jeans and a red off the shoulder blouse. She grabbed one of her larger purses and stuffed John's book in it and Clay's letters. She left out of the house. Gemma climbed into her car and backed out of the driveway and pulled up next to Bobby's car and hopped out. She walked over to Bobby's car and took out her knife puncturing the front drivers' side tire and the back tire as well. She closed her knife and hopped back into her car and took off quickly. Gemma was glad to see that were wasn't a cloud in sight today.

Gemma had stopped by the salon to have a talk with Nadine about selling the salon. Gemma walked into the salon seeing that it was mostly packed as it usually was on Saturday afternoon. Nadine no longer styled hair though she just managed the salon. Gemma and Nadine talked back in the office for nearly an hour before they came to an agreement. Gemma left the salon feeling better. She drove around for awhile and went to Stockton she checked into the hotel that she had checked into before.

After checking in Gemma went up to her room and had a seat on the bed. She took out John's book and tossed the letters from Alexis on the bed as well. Gemma started reading John's book needing to find comfort from somewhere. After awhile Gemma stared at the letters not sure what to do. Every bone in her body told her not to read the letters. But Gemma had always been stubborn. She picked up an envelope and took out the letter. She started reading it. She stopped half way through the letter not being able to take it. She searched through her bag for her cell phone and picked it up calling Elliot. She needed to talk to him she needed to talk to someone. She let it ring for what seemed like forever to her. His voicemail finally picked up.

The feeling of being alone was smothering her at the moment. She took in a breath forcing herself to hold back her tears. "Hi Elliot…I know that we said that we would have limited contact…but I just…really needed to talk." Gemma hung up and laid down in the bed. Gemma ended up drifting off to sleep for a couple of hours. When she finally woke up she looked at the time and got out of the bed quickly. She felt bad having left Tara with Sean for nearly 6 and ½ hours. Gemma collected John's book and the letters and left the hotel room. Gemma checked out of the hotel and drove back home. She pulled into the driveway and parked seeing Bobby still parker across the street. She headed into the house smelling dinner cooking.

Tara heard the door and walked into the living room. "Gemma are you okay?" asked Tara the worry obvious on her face.

"I am so sorry. I checked into a hotel for awhile and fell asleep. I should have set an alarm." said Gemma.

"It is fine. I was just worried about you. But I didn't want to disturb you either so I didn't call. I'm making dinner. I hope you don't mind if Abel and I stay the night again. I felt a lot safer and secure here last night than I did the other night at home." said Tara. That was only partially true. Sure Tara felt safer here but she was also concerned about leaving Gemma alone.

Gemma offered a smile. "That sounds like a good idea to me. I could use the company. I'll keep an eye on the kids while you cook. Gemma put John's book and the letters from in her bedroom and then went to spend time with the kids. She focused on them needing something happy to focus on.

The evening seemed to go by slowly. Gemma felt depressed but was trying her best to not let on.

Tara walked into the room. "Gemma…dinner is ready why don't you come eat?"

Gemma was holding Sean rocking him to sleep. Gemma nodded and said "Sure, I could use something to eat." She got up and laid Sean in his crib and then walked out of the nursery and headed into the kitchen having a seat.

"I made a chili for dinner. I hope you don't mind." said Tara bringing their bowls over to the table and having a seat next to Gemma.

Gemma laughed a little. "This is the first thing I have eaten today and I didn't have to cook it. It could taste like shoe leather and it would be fine by me. Thank you for cooking dinner. I stopped by the salon to talk to Nadine today." Gemma started eating.

"How did that go? I mean are you going to buy the salon from her?" asked Tara curiously.

"We were able to work out a deal that was good for both of us. Nadine is excited apparently she is ready to move to be closer to her kids. I can't imagine Jax moving that far away from me." said Gemma.

Tara gave a smile and said "You don't have to worry. Jax and I aren't moving anywhere. Besides I get the feeling you'd just move with us. I am glad that you worked everything out with Nadine. So are you going to let me be your silent partner?"

"If you are really serious about being my silent partner then I saw sure. I am glad to have you. It'll be nice having someone to bounce ideas off of. I know I want to do a renovation but it can't take too long. If the girls go without their favorite salon for too long they'll drive out of town to find another. So the changes will need to be done in stages…and preferably at night or on Sunday. The whole place needs a new paint job. I want to update the floor to some sort of tile." said Gemma.

"Those all sound like really good changes. I always wondered why Nadine chose that shade of pink…it looks like a bad batch of cotton candy got smeared on the wall." said Tara laughing.

"That it does. I am not sure what she was thinking but I know it will be one of the first changes I make. So how were Abel and Sean today?" asked Gemma.

"They were great. Abel kept me busy. Now that he has figured out this walking thing he takes off the moment I sit him down on the floor. I closed all of the doors to all of the rooms so that I wouldn't lose him if I looked away for a minute. Sean was great. He was easy to take care of. Made me wish Abel was that small again." said Tara.

Gemma laughed and said "Jax was the same way when he was Abel's age. Well, before that even. As soon as he learned how to crawl he was off to the races. Used to drive me crazy chasing him around the house. He would get into everything. When I'd find him I'd call his name and he'd turn around and give me the most innocent grin ever and then he'd crawl or walk over to be to be picked up. John used to laugh because Jax had me wrapped around his finger."

Tara laughed and shook her head. "Like father like son…that is definitely Abel. He is so darn cute I can never stay upset for long. Jax called me tonight, he said that he is doing good. I told him I was staying here with you for tonight. He said that he and Clay might be coming home earlier than expected."

Gemma chuckled and said "It doesn't change much as they get older. I am glad to hear he is doing well." Gemma finished eating dinner and said "I think I am going to turn in early for the night. I am tired and worn out."

Tara smiled and said "Okay…I will see you in the morning Gemma. Thank you for letting me stay the night here with you."

Gemma said "You are welcome. Thank you for staying." Gemma put her bowl in the dishwasher and then headed to her bedroom. She took a long hot shower just letting the water wash over her. Gemma stayed in the shower until she was too tired to stand anymore. She washed her hair and then stepped out of the shower drying off. She pulled on a black stain night gown and brushed her teeth before climbing into bed for the night. She looked over at the other side of the bed and saw Clay and Alexis' letters. She picked them up and stuffed them into her night stand along with John's book. She tried to fall asleep and eventually she did.

At 6:00 in the morning Gemma's cell phone started to ring. Gemma sat up in bed and looked for it. She finally spotted it lying next to her in the bed. "hello?" asked Gemma.

"Are you okay?" came an urgent voice on the other end of the phone.

Gemma said "Yes…I am fine…Elliot are you okay?" Gemma confused about why he was calling and why he sounded so worried.

"You called me earlier and you said you needed to talk. It seemed like you were crying at the time… or about to. What's wrong?" asked Elliot. "I am sorry that I didn't call you earlier. I accidentally left my phone here in Charming. I flew to Las Vegas today for a cattle convention. I am just making it back to Charming a few hours ago." said Elliot.

"I was upset then…but…I am okay now." lied Gemma.

Elliot said "Why don't you come outside…?"

"Why?"asked Gemma.

"I am standing in your backyard." said Elliot laughing softly.

"What? You've got to go Bobby is sitting down the street watching the house." said Gemma.

"I know…I noticed him as I rode down the street. I parked around the corner and walked back. He didn't see me…" said Elliot.

"Okay…I'll be done in a minute." said Gemma hanging up. She pulled on her bathrobe and tied it at the waist. She quietly made her way through the house and out to the backyard. "Hi…" said Gemma seeing Elliot.

Elliot looked at Gemma and he could see how much pain she was in. He grabbed her gently and pulled her into his arms. "I am sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me." whispered Elliot as he held her.

Gemma felt vulnerable and she hated that feeling. But she knew one thing she liked being in Elliot's arms. In this moment she felt safe and cared for. Gemma didn't say anything she just returned his hug as tight as she could manage.

Elliot felt how tight Gemma was squeezing him and realized how serious this must be. He lightly caressed her back and whispered. "Let's sit down and talk…" Elliot led Gemma over to the swing and had a seat.

Gemma sat down next to him. She looked down at her hands for a minute. "I found…letters from Alexis to Clay…in some of Clay's stuff. And…I told myself not to read them…but I did anyway…and in the one I read…she talks about how happy she is to move to Stockton so that they can be together…how no one could understand what the two of them have with one another." Gemma felt tears welling up in her eyes. "And I…even if he didn't feel the same way….why did he keep the damn letters?"

Elliot sat there a minute not knowing what to say to her. He squinted in the early morning light and realized that Gemma was crying. He took her into his arms holding her. "I am sorry Gemma…you've got to leave him…look at what he is doing to you. Look at how much he hurts you."

"I love him…and I don't just want to give up on him…" said Gemma.

"You aren't just giving up on him. You've given him chances and he keeps slapping you in the face with his lies and infidelity. Maybe he doesn't realize what he has but I do. You are a beautiful, smart, loving woman…you need someone that is going to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. I care about you Gemma and I hate seeing the kind of pain that you are in. You are so unhappy and I can see it in your eyes every time we are together. You smile and you laugh but this is killing you. And it kills me because I know that I could make you happy. How long are you supposed to wait on Clay to decide to be the man you need him to be? I can be the man you need Gemma. I can take care of you…let me take care of you…let me love you…I don't have a crystal ball…I can't predict the future…I don't know if we will work out or not…but I do know that when I am not around you…I miss you. I know that I missed hearing your voice today." said Elliot.

Gemma had tears in her eyes and couldn't bring herself to say anything at the moment. She touched his cheek. "Elliot…we are friends and that is all we can ever be…you have to know that. And I think the only reason you care about me so much is because you are lonely…and you already know me...so I am a safe choice for you…I can't be your replacement for Karen…"

"That is really what you think of me? That am trying to use you as a substitute? You are nothing like Karen…I could hardly get the two confused." said Elliot.

"Not confused…but instead of getting out into the dating world…it is easy to start seeing someone you are comfortable with, you've known for a long time, and that is in the same emotional boat that you are in. I am the easy choice…I don't know that I am the right choice." said Gemma.

Elliot stood up. "When you get tired of hurting everyday because of Clay…you know where to find me." Elliot kissed her on the lips passionately.

Gemma sat there stunned for a moment and then got up walking into the kitchen. She heard the roar of motorcycle engines approaching the house. She felt like her heart was racing. She heard the front door opening and Clay's boots against the floor. Her knees felt weak.

Clay walked into the kitchen and smiled at Gemma. "I'm home baby." said Clay with a smile. He walked over to her and kissed her passionately.

Gemma froze in his arms.

"What's wrong?" asked Clay.

The doorbell rang. "I'll get it." said Gemma. She walked to the front door and saw Elliot standing there. She looked behind her and saw Clay standing there. She looked back to Elliot.


	30. Chapter 30

A cold silence filled the living room as the three of them stood there as if they were frozen in time. No one moved and no one said a word. Nothing needed to be said the unspoken was powerful enough.

Clay stared down Elliot getting the distinct feeling that something was going on. "Mornin' Elliot…" said Clay. His gaze never left Elliot's face.

Gemma stared at Elliot her eyes almost begging him to turn around and walk away. This was a fight that he wasn't prepared for. Elliot couldn't make it a couple of rounds with Clay. More importantly Clay could green-light him for the entire club. A green-light meant if anyone in the charters from California to Belfast laid eyes on Elliot they would kill him on sight. "Good Morning Elliot…" said Gemma finally managing to say something. "What brings you over here so early in the morning?" asked Gemma in a nonchalant yet curious tone.

Elliot stared into Gemma's eyes seeing the desperation that was there. He knew that she feared for his life. He would be a liar if he said that he didn't fear for his life too. There was no doubt in his mind that Clay could kill him at that very moment and get away with it. There were few people in the town that would actually turn Clay in. Before he laid eyes on Clay he had an overwhelming sense of determination. But now that determination had turned to fear and the blood in his veins ran cold as ice. Elliot ran over the scenarios in his head with lightening fast pace. All of them ended with his dead body laying in the entrance of the Morrow home. "Good Morning to the both of you. I am sorry for dropping by so early but I just made it back into town myself. I just drove in from the airport. I came by because I had a great idea on the flight home. One of my first acts of mayor of Charming will be to renovate the park. It is fallen into disrepair these last few years. And after talking to you Gemma…about Tommy's death. I was thinking what better way to honor the homegrown feeling of this town than to dedicate it to Thomas Teller. I'd like your help working on the proposal. I want to have it in hand the night of my first council meeting."

Gemma nearly let out an audible sigh of relief. She said "I think that is a wonderful idea Elliot. I am very grateful that you thought of my son. The anniversary of his death passed almost two weeks ago. It means a lot to me that you would even think of doing something like this."

"Well, I had mentioned it to you while I was running for mayor. I wanted you to know that I was intending on making good on that particular campaign promise. And I could use your help writing up the proposal. You can give me some of the more pertinent facts about young Thomas' life. I think it will make it more relatable for the council members." said Elliot.

"Sure, I will help out anyway you need me to. Just let me know what you need me to do and when…I'll even show up to the city council meeting if you think that might help any…but I think they'd be more likely to vote it down seeing me there." joked Gemma.

Elliot smiled and said "Good. Maybe we can meet for lunch later this week and you can give me all of the facts and I can show you some of my ideas for this park renovation. I can always use your support."

Gemma nodded and said "Sure that all sounds great to me. Why don't you call me sometime this week when you have free time and I will meet you for lunch. My schedule is fairly flexible."

"Alright, I will definitely do that. I should let you go. I am sorry for disturbing the two of you this morning. Have a good day." said Elliot turning and walking out of the house. He felt like less than a man for not saying what was really on his mind. He felt like he had failed himself and failed Gemma all at the same time. But it was the fear in her eyes that had kept him for saying anything more…or maybe it was the fear in his heart. He couldn't reconcile which it was at the moment. He just knew he felt like dirt…no worse than dirt…

Gemma smiled and said "You didn't disturb us at all. You have a good day too." Gemma closed the door behind him and locked it. She turned her attention to Clay. "What are you doing home so early? I thought you'd be there until tomorrow night?" asked Gemma.

"After your accident…and Bobby telling me that you received more flowers I figured that I needed to come home early…" said Clay in a even voice but the anger and suspicion played in his eyes as he looked at the woman he loved. "Does Elliot make a habit of showing up here unannounced in the early hours of the morning? How much time has he been spending here in my house?" asked Clay in and accusatory tone.

"I don't know…why don't you ask Bobby. You've had him spying on me since you left town Thursday night." said Gemma in an equally accusatory tone. "Your house? You've barely got one fucking foot in the door. As quickly as I let you back here I can and will kick you out again. Elliot has been a friend! A friend that made me feel better when I felt like shit because of what you did!"

"This is my home too Gemma and you can't force me out whenever you feel like it. You are my wife you can't push me out of your life whenever you feel like it. I am not leaving this house again under any circumstances. Is Elliot the one that you've been seeing? Have you been fucking him? Is that how he makes you feel good by getting you to spread your legs for him?" said Clay

"I will burn this motherfucking house to the ground if it means getting you out of here if I want you out. You can be in it when it burns to the ground if you like." said Gemma. She slapped him across the face. "How dare you talk to me like I am some sort of whore!" She walked away from him. She walked into her bedroom and slammed the door closed behind her.

Clay stormed after her nearly kicking in the bedroom door. He slammed it behind him and walked over to Gemma.

She was sitting on the bed holding the shoe box with Alexis' letters on her lap. "You kept the letters that she wrote you…you brought them into this house…the house that we share together. Every time I start to believe your lies…something new pops up. Something new and hurtful and humiliating slaps me in the face to show me just what a stupid bitch I've been for you. These letters go back awhile…you've had a good time playing around on me…was it worth?" said Gemma. She threw the boxes of letters at him. "Was it worth it?"

Clay stopped in his tracks seeing the shoe boxes. He knew it on sight. He sighed and said "Shit…Gemma it isn't what you think it is…just…listen to me okay…just listen before you do anything that both of us will regret…those are not love letters…"

"Seems like love letters to me Clay…she loved you…quite obviously…for as much as a junkie can love anyone I suppose…they tend to love the dope and themselves more than anything else…why did you keep them…nice way to jerk off when I wasn't doing it for you?" asked Gemma.

"How many of them did you read?" asked Clay.

"What does it matter? I read part of one…that was enough for me. You want me to trust you but how can I…the more I learn the more I start to think that you loved her…sex I can understand…but you loving someone else…that I can never understand. I've given you my life…and this is what you give me in return? What am I too old for you now?" asked Gemma staring him down. Gemma grabbed a lamp from the nightstand and threw it at his head.

Clay dodged the lamp. "Gemma!" He looked at the shattered lamp on the floor knowing that she totally intended to hit him in the head with it.

She picked up a book and threw it at his head this time she hit him in the head. "I am so scared that if I let you in again…that if I trust you again that you will break my heart again! I deserve better than this! I deserve to be happy…to not have to worry if there is something wrong with me!" said Gemma through her tears.

Clay grabbed her trying to stop her from throwing more things at him. "Stop it!"

"I love you…I want you but I see you pulling away from me. And I don't know what it is about me that made you think that you needed something shiny and new. And don't say that it had nothing to do with me because I don't believe that…I can't believe that. Because if it was just about needing a good screw you could have gotten that from any number of crow-eaters and sweetbutts on the road…but you started a relationship…with a woman that you obviously care about. Is it because I am too jaded? Am I doing something wrong? Am I not fucking you the way you like anymore? Do I not make you happy enough…tell me! This is who I am Clay I can't be any different!" She hit his chest. "I don't understand you. I don't understand what you want from me. I am tired of being in pain. I am tired of hurting. I am tired of feeling like I've done something wrong. Like I did something or didn't do something to bring this on." said Gemma hitting his chest again. Gemma sobbed as she hit his chest. "You want to know what has been going on between me and Elliot…he's been a friend…he's made me feel like…I am still worth something even though my husband needed a much younger woman to make him happy or complete or whatever the fuck she did for you."

Clay wrapped his arms around Gemma's shaking body and held her while she continued to hit his chest. Clay's heart ached listening to the woman he loved rail at him for everything he had done to cause her pain. He saw a layer to Gemma that he never saw…insecurity. He never intended to do this to her. His stupidity was going to cost him the love and support of the only woman he had ever found worthy of loving. "You didn't do anything wrong Gemma. I can't lose you…I need you."

"I can't stay with you just because you need me Clay. I am miserable right now and it is bleedin all over everyone and everything that I love…including Jax and the club. And I would die before I did anything to put my son in danger. You, Jax, and Abel…are all I have left in this world and if anything happened to Jax because of my bullshit…I would die…we can't keep doing this…me and you…at some point we've got to get off of this merry-go-round. Before one of us gets seriously hurt or before the people around us gets hurt." said Gemma.

"Listen to me…those letters…they aren't what you think. Yeah she was talking that bullshit about love and the time we spent together….fuck it all. I don't care. But I care about the other shit she wrote in those letters…" Clay picked up one of the envelopes and took out a letter. He skimmed through the sex part and said "Here…" Clay pushed the letter at Gemma pointing to the paragraph at the end of the page.

Gemma took the letter and read "_Sean has finally figured out how to get his thumb into his mouth. He is so adorable when he sucks his thumb to fall asleep. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't need me much and he is only a week old. He has the self-soothing thing down to an art. Other times he screams until I sing to him. He really seems to like Patsy Cline. Who knew our kid would be a country music fan?"_ Gemma looked at Clay and said "That is why you kept the letters?"

"Yeah…I mean after you get past all of the sex and bullshit about missing me…she was giving me updates about Sean…I didn't get the letters for awhile. Kozick in Tacoma was holding back the letters not wanting to send them…but when he found out about the baby he sent them to me. So I got several at one time…and I started reading all of these things about my little boy…I just couldn't bring myself to throw them away…I'll never be able to get those first few months of his life back…but I can keep these letters to have those memories…I know how it looks but I swear to you…every letter I saved has details about Sean or pictures of him. I know that keeping the truth about Sean from you…hurt you. I know having that relationship with Alexis was stupid and that it hurt you and that you can't trust me right now. But I will do what I have to do to make this right. I didn't have sex with anyone while I was in Indian Hills. You can ask Jax, Opie, Tig, Jury, Needles, hell I'll take a polygraph if you want. I didn't touch anyone because you are the only person I want in my life. You make my life worth living." said Clay.

Gemma walked away from Clay and had a seat on the bed. Her heart was racing she wanted to believe his platitudes but she was too scared of believing him and being hurt all over again. "Did you love her?"

"Gemma…no. I don't know how many times or how many ways I can say this to you. I did not love her. I cared about her because she was a good kid. I was upset because she got hooked on drugs and her addiction killed her. And I think about how I will have to tell Sean one day…how his mother died…and how she got hooked on drugs…and I hate it. But that is as far as my concern goes. I'm sorry that the shit I have been doing has made you think that there is more to it than that. I know you think that I had this relationship because of you but that isn't true. Gemma you make me happy. You keep me happy. I never want for anything when I am with you. And you always keep be satisfied. I had the relationship with her because I was stupid and selfish and because I could do it and I knew I could. I let the power and the bullshit go to my head because I was looking down the barrel of the end of my life and I took the coward's way of handling it. By letting some young dumb girl make me feel like king of the world." said Clay.

"So that is what is was about? You needed someone to stroke your ego?" asked Gemma looking at him.

"As stupid as it sounds yes… she stroked my ego and made me feel like a young man. And she actually needed me…she was a wreck and she needed me to make her life better. It was nice to feel needed by someone." said Clay feeling more ashamed the more he talked to Gemma.

"I need you Clay…I need you! I always have and until now I always thought that you were there for me…"said Gemma.

"I know that now…after you told me that before I left for the trip. But I swear Gemma these last few years…I didn't know it. You are everything to everybody and you have everything under control and you don't ever ask me for anything…when you have problems you don't come to me…you just...take care of everything on your own." said Clay.

"Because I worry…John was under too much pressure. Between the club and taking care of me and Jax it was too much for him after losing Thomas…he was distraught and he rode out in front of a semi-truck. And every time I think about burdening you with my problems I think about John's mangled body laying in that hospital bed…so mangled I could barely recognize him. That is what I think about whenever I think about coming to you with a problem…I worry that will be your fate and that it will be my fault…I can't lose you like that…I'll go crazy…I know it…even more so as your hands have gotten worse…and you've gotten older…sometimes it seems like you are just tired with life in general. I know some of that stems from Donna's death…" said Gemma.

"I am not going anywhere Gemma. I've never been that distraught that I stopped paying attention to the road and I would never leave you intentionally. You are letting your fear paralyze you to the point where you can't depend on me…to the point where you are unhappy because you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders without any help. I am your husband…let me take some of the weight. You are my queen…we are partners baby…whatever load you have to carry…you do not have to carry it on your own. And I am sorry that I wasn't there for you when you were struggling with the anniversary of Thomas' death. I know how much you still miss him. It seems like it has been a lot worse lately." Clay put his hand under her chin and tilted her head up so that she was looking at him. "No matter what happens…no matter what mistakes I make…the one thing that you never have to worry about changing is how much I love you Gemma. I would lay my life down for you baby…for once…let me take care of you. When John died…you needed me…you depended on me. You cried on my shoulder…you let me see you at your most vulnerable. I know that part of you is still in there…I am sorry that I forgot that along the way." said Clay. Clay wrapped his arms around her just holding her.

Gemma was quiet listening to all of the things that Clay was saying. They were the words that she wanted to hear. They were the words she needed to hear. But they were just that…words. They were hollow promises that could be as easily broken as their wedding vows had been."You really didn't have sex with anyone while you were gone?" asked Gemma.

"I didn't have sex with anyone…I got drunk. I smoked pot. I shoot pool. I watched some strippers and placed a few bets on a couple of games. Everything else I did there was work. I made a promise to you that I wouldn't have sex with any other woman and I kept that promise. Did you sleep with anyone while I was gone? I won't be angry with you…I just want the truth…" said Clay.

"I told you that the regular rules of the road could apply. I just didn't want you having a relationship with anyone." said Gemma. She looked into his steel blue eyes and said "No, I did not have sex with anyone while you were away."

"It is going to take a lot for you to trust me again. I wanted this to be the first step to show you that you are the most important part of my life. Sex…I can do without…I can't do without you." said Clay. He let out a relieved breath he didn't know he was holding when Gemma said she had been faithful to him while he was gone.

"Even though we haven't had sex in…close to a month?" asked Gemma looking at him.

"I'll wait as long as it takes baby. I waited years to be with you anyway…I can wait a few weeks while we work out our issues and I remind you why you married me in the first place. I know that we have a long road ahead of us but you are worth it…our marriage is worth it to me. And if you want I will throw out the letters from Alexis." said Clay.

"I don't want you to lose those written memories of the beginning of Sean's life. Maybe we can cut out the parts of the letters that are about him…and put them in a scrapbook or something. You'll get to keep the memories…but the rest of it can go." said Gemma looking into his eyes to see if there was any reluctance on his part.

"I think that is the best idea I've heard in awhile." said Clay honestly. He gently tucked a strand of hair behind Gemma's ear. "I am going to make you love me again Gemma…mark my words."

"You fool…I never stopped loving you. I don't think that I know how to stop loving you…even when it hurts." said Gemma.


	31. Chapter 31

Gemma and Clay ended up laying together in her bed for awhile before Gemma heard Sean crying over the baby monitor. "I should go and check on him before he wakes up Abel. Tara has been staying here while Jax was away." Gemma got out of the bed.

Clay said "Why don't you bring him in here and we can spend a little time together as a family? It is good that you two are spending time together. I am glad that you two are getting closer. It definitely makes Jax happy."

Gemma smiled at him and said "Alright…I'll bring him back with me after I change him and get a bottle for him. Well, Tara is a good kid especially now that she is older and understands the life more. I only disliked her back then because she was trying to take Jax away from me and away from Charming." Gemma left her bedroom and went to the nursery. She stepped into the room seeing that Tara was walking into the room as well.

"Oh hey Gemma…I can look after Sean if you want me to…" said Tara. She was curious as to how things were between Gemma and Clay she had heard the blow up between the two of them earlier but she definitely wasn't about to ask.

"No, that is okay sweetheart. Clay wants to see him anyway. How are you feeling?" asked Gemma walking over to Sean's crib. She picked him up hushing him and rocking him in her arms. She carried him over to the changing table and started changing him. Gemma nodded toward the monitor as if to say that Clay could hear them.

"I am tired but I've been able to sleep good here. I think it is because you've been here to check on Abel for me. I really appreciate this Gemma. I've been so exhausted lately. And Jax has been so busy he hasn't been able to help out as much." said Tara.

"I am happy to do it. I love taking care of my grandson. And whatever you need I will always help out. Clay said that Jax should be home later tonight…so if you need me to watch Abel then I will." said Gemma.

"Oh that would be great Gemma…we haven't spent nearly enough time together lately. I've been working so much. And he's been…well he's been busy. But I don't know what Jax's plans are for tonight." said Tara.

Gemma smirked and said "You are still learning. When I want to get Clay's attention after he's been away I usually wait for him in the bedroom in something see-through or just naked…after that I usually don't have to work too hard to get Clay to stay home…or to do anything else I want for that matter."

Tara laughed and said "I just might have to try that." Tara smiled and said "Well, if you would watch Abel tonight I would be very grateful and I am sure that Jax would be too." Tara.

"It is my pleasure darlin' just let me know what time you will be heading home." said Gemma.

"I'll probably head home at like 6:00 to clean up some. I left the house a little messy. I don't want him to come home to a dirty house." said Tara.

"Sounds fine to me." said Gemma. She went to the kitchen a made a bottle for Sean and then walked into the bedroom to see Clay. She walked into the room seeing Clay sitting on the bed. He was holding John's book in his hands. "I thought I told you to finish burning this damn thing." said Clay.

"Yeah…you did…but I decided not to do it. My husband wrote it and I want to keep it. For whatever John was or became…we loved one another…good or bad." said Gemma.

"You were worried about what it would do to Jax…and what now all of a sudden his words are gospel to you?" asked Clay. He was more than a little offended that she had turned o John's ghost for guidance.

"Are you really starting a fight with me right now? Are you serious?" asked Gemma standing there holding Sean. She shook her head thinking they were about to get into it all over again. But she was ready for another round of fighting if there just had to be one.

"No…I'm sorry." said Clay shaking his head. "Why'd you keep it?" asked Clay in a more curious voice rather than an angry one.

"I don't know…I couldn't bring myself to burn it. It is part of John even if it is part I didn't like very much or fully understand back then. I was young…and angry and John was 17 years older than me…he grew up faster than I did...And after…what happened to me I was lost and I was looking for something…anything to pull me out of the dark hole that I was in. So I turned to the book…I and I started reading the bible too…" said Gemma.

"You turned to John…instead of me?" asked Clay looking at her. He reached out and gently pulled her to him. "Sit with me. I still never understood…why you kept the secret for so long…three months or something like that…you can tell me anything Gemma."

"Don't think of it that way Clay…I turned to John because what happened to me couldn't hurt him anymore. But it could hurt you and it could hurt the club and that was two things I wasn't about to let happen. I wasn't going to let those sons of bitches use me…and make me your weakness." said Gemma.

"My weakness? How could you ever think that Gemma? You make me strong…you always have. Those bloody days between us and the Mayans…after John died…it was your support that kept me going. We were racking up a couple of dead bodies a week and I was tired…but you were right there pushing me forward…letting me know that you were behind me at all costs."

"I know that you are there for me Clay. But it wasn't something that I was ready to tell. And it would have been a weakness because you would have been reactionary…and you could have got yourself or the boys killed…or thrown in prison…I wasn't going to be responsible for that." said Gemma.

"We chose a smart retaliation…I am capable of that you know…" said Clay looking at her still not understanding why she couldn't have come to him when she obviously had needed him.

"Clay you went the smart route because the club was so deep in shit already. The ATF was back in town looking at the club and the connection with the Irish…Stahl had her head so far up the club's ass you couldn't see her shoulders. All of you had gone to jail already for attacking Zobelle at a church meeting of all places…those things…made you take the planned approach to getting to Zobelle. If I had told you the truth…right after it happened…you would have went off the deep end and you know it…even if you won't admit it…you know it." said Gemma. "I wasn't about to risk something that I helped build. I sacrificed a lot of my life…for this club. And I wasn't about to let your rage and your pain…rip it apart seeking revenge on my behalf."

Clay sighed. As much as he wanted to tell her that she was wrong he knew that she was on point. Things were in a better place when she was first raped. He had no fears at that moment. He would have gone after Zobelle with everything he had and it probably would have landed the lot of them in prison for a very long haul. He said "I just don't want you thinking that you can't come to me…when you need me Gemma. Because I am here baby and I always will be."

"I know you are Clay. And I am here for you too. I always will be…just remember to appreciate me…don't take me for granted…" said Gemma.

"I know that you are Gemma. I look at you…and I see you holding my son in your arms right now and I know how much you love me…how much you are willing to do for me. I know raising another woman's son isn't the easiest thing for you to do…but you are willing to do it. For me..." said Clay. "When I take advantage of you…I will think about what it meant to be away from you…I don't want that anymore…ever again." He smiled a little. "Still don't know how I managed to screw up so bad that you actually kicked me out. I never thought you would do it."

"I am not doing this just for you. I am doing this for Sean as well. He is a baby…he deserves to have someone love him and take care of him. I can do that. Besides…he's cute." said Gemma laughing softly. "I had to kick you out…I couldn't have you here right then. I was too angry and you didn't get it…you didn't understand what I was saying to you or you didn't want to understand...and I didn't want my temper to get the best of me…and I do something to seriously hurt. I might be angry with you but I wouldn't want to hurt you." said Gemma.

"I know your temper…I am used to that. I still remember the first time you pulled a knife on me…it was the fact that you just threw your hands up and walked away that scared the hell out of me. I didn't know what to think. Fighting I understand…but this…man…I didn't know what to think." said Clay.

Gemma laughed and said "Oh yeah…I remember that…Jax was 16 or something…and the two of you were getting into it and you grabbed him…all I saw was red. I was going to kill you. I grabbed the first thing I saw…which was the butcher knife I was using at the time. As soon as you saw the knife you let Jax go and started explaining yourself." She laughed.

"I thought you were going to kill me. I wouldn't have hurt the kid though. I was just shaking some sense into him. He was reckless…I thought he was going to get himself killed or kill someone." said Clay.

"I was going to kill you. You grabbed my baby. And Jax had this look on his face like…he didn't care if he lived or died at the moment. I knew he was ready to go after you…and I was going to make sure that he was the one left standing. I still wonder how you stayed married to me for so long." said Gemma.

"I knew what I was signing up or when I married you Gemma. You gave John hell and indigestion…high blood pressure. He used to bitch about you all of the time. Just ask Piney…he bitched to Piney even more than he did to me. You drove him crazy." said Clay.

"What can I say…it is a habit. I am good at driving men crazy in a good and bad way." said Gemma. She looked at Clay. "Do you want to hold Sean? He is finished eating now." said Gemma sitting his bottle on the nightstand and moving him so that she could burp him.

"I'll handle it baby." said Clay taking Sean gently. He burped Sean and Sean spit up on Clay's cut.

Gemma started laughing and handed him a towel. "He got you good Clay…"

Clay groaned and said "Thanks kids…did you have to get it on me." Clay chuckled and handed Sean back to Gemma and attempted to wipe down his cut. He shook his head.

"What? He was just giving his daddy a proper welcome home gift. Showing you what you missed out on while you were away." said Gemma laughing at him.

"I am glad that you think this is so funny woman. I've got some things to do at the club this afternoon. But I was thinking that the two of us could have supper together tonight. Things have been so crazy between the two of us lately…I don't think we've spent very much time together alone that wasn't dedicated to us arguing." said Clay lightly caressing her cheek.

"It will have to be here at the house because I told Tara that I would watch Abel tonight for her and Jax. And of course we have Sean." said Gemma.

"What if we call Neeta and ask her to come over and watch the babies? Let her know I will pay her double what we normally pay her." said Clay.

Gemma laughed and said "Shit for that I will stay home and take care of the kids and you can just pay me."

Clay laughed and said "We are going out for dinner and we are going to dance. We need this…just the two of us."

"Alright…I will call her and ask if she can do this for us." said Gemma.

Clay smiled and kissed her. "Good. I am going to go ahead and head to the club. I will be back in a couple of hours."

"Don't give Bobby a hard time for getting caught spying on me. It was your bad idea that got him caught to begin with. And by the way…don't' do that again…ever…" said Gemma. "I love you baby."

Clay chuckled a little. "I love you too Gemma." said Clay. He walked out of the room and left the house on his bike.

He rode over to Elliot's construction business and went into the office looking for Elliot. "Is Oswald here?" asked Clay looking at the receptionist.

"Oh...no Mr. Morrow. He is out right now but he should be back in the office soon…do you want to just go in and wait for him?" asked the woman.

"Yeah…" He walked into Elliot's office seeing that he wasn't there. Clay had a seat behind Elliot's desk kicking his feet up on the edge of the desk. He lit up a cigar and waited for Elliot to show up.

The woman hurriedly called Elliot's cell phone and alerted him to the fact that Clay was there.

Elliot called Hale and told him to meet him at his office but hang back. Elliot walked into his office twenty minutes later and saw Clay sitting behind his desk. A cold chill ran through his spine but he kept his voice cool and level. "What can I do for you Clay?" asked Elliot leaning against the frame of the door. But he kept a confident posture.

"Why don't you come on in and have a seat…close the door behind you." said Clay with a smile that was cold. His eyes looked at Elliot intensely looking for a sign of anything.

"It is nice of you to invite me into my own office." said Elliot closing his office door and having a seat on the opposite side of the desk. "So what can the mayor of Charming do for you today Clay?" asked Elliot in a nonchalant tone. He looked at Clay as if nothing was amiss.

"Oh that is right…you did win the election. Congratulations Mr. Mayor. Maybe you can tell me just how much you've been seeing Gemma while I was out of the house…she said that you've been a good friend to her. I am just wondering how good a friend you've been to her Elliot." said Clay.

"Maybe you should ask Gemma for clarification on that matter…she needed a friend and I was happy to be a caring ear. You know I've known Gemma for a long time…I've known her since we were just two little kids growing up in good ole Charming, California. She might be hard as nails on the outside but she is sensitive on the inside. We talked a lot." said Elliot.

"And what did the two of you girls have so much to talk about? Hair and nails?" asked Clay laughing. His mind still couldn't wrap around the idea that Gemma could have been intimate with anyone other than him.

"We are two people that love Charming. We've both been here for a very long time. We remember the same things…we reminisced about the past. She loves Charming…so much ...we talked about life before she ran away. She was always a smart girl…a beautiful girl. There were a lot of guys interested back then…I am sure there are just as many if not more interested now." said Elliot. "And everyone in town knew that you weren't living at home anymore. But I don't think Gemma cheated on you…for some reason she is still in love with you." Elliot attempted to say that without sounding bitter.

The word reminisce stuck in Clay's head. He thought about the night that Gemma had been stabbed. He went over the house in his mind and remembered the two glasses on the table and the yearbooks. "Just how much reminiscing did the two of you do…?" asked Clay.

"A lot." countered Elliot with a smile that slowly turned into a smirk as he thought about his nights with Gemma. "But you'd have to talk to Gemma about the particulars. I am not sure why you are here Clay…" said Elliot.

"I don't know what is going on between you and Gemma. She says friends…I think you fucked my wife. Now normally I would kill someone if it even crossed my mind that they had even looked at Gemma in a way they shouldn't. But...I am going to remember your former kindness to the club and give you the benefit of the doubt…if I find out you were with my wife…you are a dead man and there ain't anything that is going to save your life. So maybe you should just stay away from Gemma?" said Clay.

"Does Gemma want me to stay away? Because if that is the case then I will keep my distance…but I won't stop being her friend just because you are paranoid because of your own infidelity. Gemma is a beautiful…loving woman. She deserves better." said Elliot. It took ever bone in his body to stop Elliot for telling Clay that he had indeed slept with his wife and that she had loved it. But his better judgment muzzled him.

"What did you just say?" snarled Clay getting up from the desk.

"I said Gemma deserves something better than an old fool like you that obviously doesn't realize what he has. And it is only a matter of time before you screw up again and she leaves your sorry ass permanently. And when that happens…I won't be the only man taking and interest in your wife…or ex-wife…as the case may be." said Elliot with a near growl in his voice. He stood up staring at Clay as intently as Clay was staring at him.

Clay laughed a cold laugh. "You aren't Gemma's type. She doesn't want some pencil pushing law abiding boy. She loves the outlaw life…she couldn't change. I realize you are having wet dreams about my wife…but that is all it is...Gemma isn't interested in you."

"Maybe you don't know Gemma as good as you think you do. But then you've been too busy fucking around to realize that your wife is changing…who knows…one day you might get a dear John letter on the pillow just like I did. And when your wife needed help getting you out of jail…we came to me to get you put up the money to get you out…she came to me…" said Elliot.

Hale walked into the office. "Mr. Oswald you…." He trailed off seeing the two men in a standoff. "Is everything okay here?" asked Hale reaching for his radio and his gun.

"Calm down deputy dog…we are just having a nice talk…" said Clay. Clay put his cigar out on Elliot's desk and walked passed him without a word. He left the office. Clay didn't believe that Gemma had cheated on him. He believed that she would be faithful to him. But he did know that Elliot had a crush on his wife and he was going to give Elliot the beating of his life as a warning to stay away.

Hale looked at Elliot and then looked at Clay leaving the building. He had no idea what was going on but he knew it was bad. Hale waited until he heard Clay's motorcycle roar to life outside. He looked Elliot. "You want to tell me what that was all about?" asked Hale closing the office door to give the two of them privacy.

"Just a misunderstanding…" said Elliot. "Thank you for coming so quickly."

"I thought you and the Sons were cozy…what caused the change?" asked Hale.

"None of your business." said Elliot flatly. He swept Clay's cigar butt and ashes off of his desk into a trash can. He had a seat at his desk.

"I think it is my business. Clay isn't someone to take lightly. He looks like he wants you dead…and unless I know what is going on I can't protect you from him or the club. Mayor or not…they will take you apart if you've crossed the club somehow…" said Hale.

"This doesn't have anything to do with the club…and everything to do with his pride. He thinks that I am somehow involved with his wife so he came here to question me about it…he didn't get any answers from me so he's pissed." said Elliot shrugging.

Hale's mouth dropped open. "Uh…well are you…involved with Gemma Morrow?" asked Hale thinking that would be stupidest move that anyone could make. But it was a scenario that wasn't completely impossible. Hale had seen the two of them talking at Elliot's rally while he was campaigning.

"Not that it is any of your business...but no I am not involved with Gemma. We are just friends. The big bad biker is just paranoid." said Elliot. He wasn't about to spread Gemma's business all over the place he respected her too much for that.

"If anyone can get Clay to stand down…it would be Gemma...you should talk to her…she has sway over the man…maybe she can get you clear of Clay. Because if not…I am going to have to set you up with officers to look after you. I'd rather not have the new mayor killed on my watch before he even takes office." said Hale.

"I am not involving Gemma in this and I will take care of security on my own." said Elliot. "You can leave now…" said Elliot looking at Hale. Elliot took a gun out of his desk drawer and set it on the desk. "Don't worry Deputy Hale it is registered and legal."

Hale shook his head and walked out of the office. He walked out to his jeep and climbed in driving off back toward the police station. As he was driving away he turned the car and headed toward Gemma's house. Hale pulled up out front glad to see that Clay's bike wasn't there. He got out of the jeep and walked up to the front door. He knocked and waited for an answer.

Gemma came to the door and raised an eyebrow. "And what can I do for Charming's finest today?" asked Gemma.

"Could I come in and talk to you Gemma?" asked Hale with a pensive look on his face. He didn't want to be here but if it meant not having bloodshed in town then he would do what he had to do.

"Sure…come in." said Gemma moving out of the way to let him into the house. "What can I do for you?" asked Gemma looking at him.

"I just left Elliot Oswald's construction company…he called me out there because his receptionist told him that Clay was in his office waiting on him. When I finally made it there…the two of them were having a heated conversation…looked like they wanted to kill one another. Clay thinks that Elliot is dating you and he is going to kill him. And Elliot is preparing to defend himself…I am not trying to get into your business…I just don't bloodshed in my town. I don't see a way for this to end in a good way…unless you intervene." said Hale.

Gemma cleared her throat not sure what to say at the moment. Gemma was never lost on words but at this very moment she had no idea what to say or do. She finally found her voice and offered a smile. "You are a bit of an alarmist aren't you? I am sure whatever this is will blow over. But I will look into it…." said Gemma with a smile. She walked him to the door.

Hale thought he noted a hint of fear in Gemma's eyes. He realized just how serious this was. "You are right…I am sure that it is nothing…" said Hale. He left the house getting into his jeep and pulling away. He drove down the block and parked and took out his cell phone calling Tara's number.

Tara answered after a couple of rings. "Good Afternoon?"

"Tara…this is David Hale…I need a favor from you. I know that Jax is out of town and I assure you I am not interested in what he is doing or where he is…I need to talk to him as soon as possible. Can you get a message to him and ask him to call me whenever he gets a chance?" asked Hale.

Tara said "Sure David…I can do that. Is everything okay?"

"No…no I don't think so. Just…let Jax know that it is important. It concerns…Clay and Elliot Oswald." said David. "Goodbye…" He hung up.

Tara froze hearing what David said. She hung up and said "Shit shit shit!" She had heard the conversation earlier between Gemma, Clay, and Elliot there at the house. She could only imagine what was going on. She looked at the time and wondered if Jax had gotten on the road yet. She went to the guest room looking for her prepaid cell phone and called Jax's pre-paid. She waited for an answer.

"Hey babe…how are you and the kid doing?" asked Jax.

"We are doing good Jax…but I wasn't calling about us…David called me…he wants you to call him back as soon as possible. He said it was concerning Clay…and Elliot." said Tara.

"Son of a bitch…" muttered Jax. "I am not going to call him back. I am going to grab Opie and we are going to come home now. We were supposed to leave a little later but we can leave now. I'll be there in a couple of hours. Are you still at my mom's house?" asked Jax.

"Yes…we are still here…" said Tara.

"I want you to take Abel home…make something up…anything to get my mother to go with you. Or go somewhere…go shopping or something. I just don't want her in that house until I know what the hell is going on." said Jax.

Tara said "Okay I'll take care of it baby. I love you…be safe please."

"I'll be safe…I love you too." said Jax hanging up. Jax stood there a minute shaking his head. If Clay had caught wind of Gemma's brief relationship with Elliot he knew for a fact that Elliot was a dead man which was bad for the club and bad for Charming. But more importantly to Jax was the fact that his mother might be in danger if Clay really lost his temper on the issue. He knew that Gemma could take care of herself but she wasn't superwoman and there was only so much she could do to defend herself against a man bigger than her, stronger than her, and insane with jealous rage. And even if Gemma could fend Clay off it would mean that she would have to seriously hurt him or kill him and Jax didn't want that to blow back on her. No...if Clay had to die it would be Jax that would be sending him to meet his maker. Jax put on his reaper crew hat and walked back into the club to grab Opie.

Tara groaned a little. She tried to think of something that would get Gemma to leave the house without being suspicious. Gemma could be as stubborn as a mule. A light bulb clicked on as she looked at Abel. She walked out of the room holding Abel. "Gemma?" asked Tara.

"What can I do for you sweetheart?" asked Gemma sitting at the kitchen table. She was smoking a cigarette and looking worried.

"Well, with how busy I have been lately. I haven't gotten a chance to buy party decorations for Abel's first birthday party. And I want it to be amazing. Do you feel like coming to Stockton with me to go shopping? I have a huge list and I can't do it on my own." said Tara. "I figure while I am off work this weekend I should use the free time to my advantage right?"

"Sure that sounds like a good idea to me. I was supposed to go shopping for him but I didn't make it to the store…I had that accident. So we can go shopping for decorations and I can pick up a few gifts for him…well more than a few." said Gemma laughing.

Tara smiled and said "Great. Let me change Abel and grab his diaper bag and I will be ready to go."

"Okay I should probably do the same for Sean." said Gemma.

The two women got the babies ready and then left the house.


	32. Chapter 32

Clay had been sitting at the bar in the club for nearly an hour. He hadn't said anything to Piney when he walked in and hadn't spoken to him in the time that he had been sitting there. He just poured himself a drink every once in awhile. He wanted to kill Elliot and now he just had to figure out a way to get it done. Somehow just beating him to a bloody pulp wouldn't be satisfying enough. More than that he wanted to eliminate Elliot from the picture completely.

Piney finally walked over and had a seat on the stool next to Clay. "You don't look so good…what's going?" asked Piney pouring himself a glass of whiskey."I thought things were going good for you and your old lady." said Piney figuring that could be the only thing to get him in this state especially since Jax was still out of town. But he could tell from the expression on Clay's face that something was very wrong.

Clay looked at Piney. They had been close at one point but Donna's death had put a rift between the two of them that would never be completely healed but at the end of the day Piney was still his brother and he loved him. Clay had looked up to Piney and John for that matter when he first joined the club back in the day. He had been the youngest member of the first nine. "Like you care old man?" asked Clay.

"The problem of my brother…is my problem…so what is the problem. You looked like you want to kill someone…should I be getting ready to get my gun and ride with you?" asked Piney.

Clay chuckled when Piney asked if he should be getting ready to ride. "This stays between the two of us…" said Clay finally deciding to talk to him.

Piney nodded and asked "What do I look like a gossiping school girl? Who the fuck am I going to tell?" "What is going on with you?" asked Piney lighting a cigarette.

"While, I was staying here at the club…I think Gemma was seeing someone else. But she won't tell me…I ask…I get attitude and bullshit answers from her. But she was getting flowers and candy from someone. I had Bobby look into it…but whoever was doing it…was buying the shit in Stockton…and using cash. And the person was spending a lot of money this wasn't cheap shit that he was sending her. Then this morning Elliot Oswald shows up on my doorstep early in the morning…he thought I was still out of town. He used some excuse about a park renovation dedicated to Thomas…maybe he thinks I am a dumb biker…I don't know. But I know what I saw when he was looking at Gemma. He looked…I don't know upset that I was there. And I don't know if she's reciprocated whatever he feels or what…"

"Gemma loves you…you think she's really stepping out on you with someone else? She let you come back home…if she was still seeing someone I don't think she would have. Besides your old lady has always been decisive if she wanted someone else she'd be with someone else right? Besides during his campaign he said he wanted to update that beat up old park for the kids…" said Piney.

"I went to his office this afternoon to talk to him. I told him to stay away from Gemma…you should have seen his face…something is going on. I don't think that Gemma has cheated on me but I think he is interested and he's waiting for the chance to make his move on my wife. And that is something that I can't stand by and let happen. He's done for. Gemma said that if she did do something while I was out of the house…that it wasn't cheating because we were separated. But how could she get involved with someone here in town that I will have to see! That I do business with?" said Clay. Clay couldn't bring himself to admit it but he was angry at Gemma for putting him in this position.

"I'm as possessive as the next man. But if you kill the mayor of Charming…these people will turn on you. They will turn on this club. Is that what you really want…to put your vendetta ahead of what is best for this club. Because making a move on Oswald would be doing just that. Now if you want to put it up for a vote…then you can and if everyone agrees then I support it. But what you are talking about doing could blowback on the club…and the rest of us have the right to express what we feel on it." said Piney.

"I am not going to let Elliot Oswald get away with trying to make a move on my wife. I would have killed him this afternoon but Hale showed up just when I was ready to put a bullet between his eyes. My wife…my decision. This has nothing to do with the club." said Clay.

"As long as you wear that cut…and wear the President's patch on that cut…then everything you do is about the club. Even going after my son…that was about the club... about protecting this thing that we helped build. That we have served time for. But this…is your personal vendetta that is going to land us in a situation that we don't want to be in. Maybe it is time that you step down…if you can't tell the difference between the two…brother" said Piney.

"And what would you have me do old man. I am supposed to watch Elliot Oswald drool over my wife…attempt to pull her away from me? I am not about to let that happen." said Clay. But he knew that Piney was right the minute he started putting his needs ahead of what was best for the club it was time for him to step down. And he wasn't ready to step down. Clay still had a few good years left in him and he intended to be at the helm of the club the entire time. "I'm not going to lose my wife…not to Elliot Oswald. Not today…not ever. And he's preying on her vulnerability. Her sadness…trading on her son's death to be near her."

"You aren't losing your wife because of outside interference. You are losing her because of what you did to her. And I am not judging because we all know how I treated Mary. And she left my old ass without saying a word to me. Left a trail of smoke the way she tore out of here. I fucked around with every woman in town that would have me…and that was a lot of them. I was an alcoholic too. I knew what I was doing was wrong but I did it anyway…because I could. And then one day I looked around and realized that the only two people that I needed in my life other than the club were gone. Mary up and left and I was alone. All I had was the club. Look at me…I'm your future if you don't get your shit together. I'm alone. And sure I hit it with the occasional prostitute and a couple of the porn girls blow me from time to time. But I am alone and I will continue to be because there is no way that Mary will ever take me back. And she is the only woman that I could ever want or really love. You've got a second chance. So stop worrying about what she was doing while you were gone and focus on what you can do to make her happy now. Because if she walks out again…it might be permanent." said Piney.

Clay listened to Piney talk and shook his head taking another drink of his whiskey. Piney was right about that. If he screwed this up he had no doubt that Gemma would walk away from him for good. "I set these wheels in motion. I pushed her into the arms of another man. That falls on me…but if I found out he slept with my wife…how am I supposed to live with that? Shit has been so upside down lately. I don't know how to get it right side up again."

Piney said "The same way you are asking Gemma to raise the product of your infidelity. So what you have to see Elliot Oswald around town and you think he slept with Gemma. Gemma has to raise the proof of your long-term relationship with a woman half her age that stabbed her in the back. So what you have to ask yourself is…is it worth? Is killing Elliot Oswald…worth losing Gemma, possibly losing the club, and possibly going to jail? Is it worth it to you? Only you can answer that question. But you better damn well be sure of it. Because you can't put genie back in the bottle once you let the bitch out. If you move on him…you need to be sure that he slept with Gemma…" Piney finished his glass of whiskey and got up from the bar and headed out of the club.

Clay watched Piney walk out of the club. He groaned and shook his head. "Son of a bitch!" yelled Clay and threw the bottle of whiskey against the wall. He went to his room to lay down for awhile. He had a headache probably from his blood pressure skyrocketing. He laid down and took a nap.

Around 5:00 that evening he got up and walked outside to his bike. He went for a two hour ride to clear his head. He rode home and looked in the driveway seeing that Tara's car was gone and that Gemma's car was still sitting there. Clay walked into the house. "Gemma?" asked Clay. When he didn't get a response he walked into the nursery and saw that Sean was gone too. He walked into the living room and had a seat on the couch. He called Gemma's cell phone but it went straight to voicemail. Clay hung up and just sat there for a moment.

Clay went into their bedroom and had a seat on the bed. He looked at the bed wondering if Gemma could have cheated on him in this house…in this bed. He shook his head refusing to believe it. He looked around and decided to start searching the room. Clay was in the middle of tearing up the room.

"What the fuck are you doing?"asked Jax standing at the bedroom door looking at the carnage in the bedroom.

Clay stopped hearing Jax's voice. "What are you doing here so early? I thought you wouldn't be back until 10." said Clay.

"Came back early because…sounds like I was needed. You want to tell me what is going on between you and Elliot Oswald?"

Clay said "I told Piney not to say a word to anyone!" said Clay having a seat on the bed.

"Piney didn't tell me shit. Hale…is the one that reached out to me. Apparently, he is worried that Charming is about to turn into the OK corral. So I am going to ask again…what is going?" asked Jax.

"Elliot is after your mother… and I am going to put the sniveling son of a bitch out of his misery. And that will be the end of it." said Clay.

"And that accomplishes what? Us having a dead mayor on our doorstep isn't good. We've been without police investigation for several months. This is the last thing that either of us needs. Besides…we've always made it a point not to make bodies drop here in Charming. We keep Charming…charming…" said Jax.

Meanwhile…

Tara climbed into the car after taking a cell phone call. She smiled at Gemma and said "Well, dinner was delicious. I think we can head back home for the night. I need to go home and get the house ready for Jax. Thank you for coming with me today."

Gemma looked over at Tara. "So you want to tell me why you were trying to keep me from home this evening? We've been to the zoo, we've been to six stores, and we went out to dinner with two crying babies. You love me but you don't love me that much girl…so what is going on. And why is it suddenly okay to go back home now."

Tara sighed and said "That was Opie…he told me that he and Jax made it back to town…it is safe to go home again. David called this afternoon…scared witless. He asked me to get in contact with Jax and let him know that the shit between Clay and Elliot was about to hit the fan. I called Jax…and he told me to get you out of the house and keep you out of the house until he got back home tonight. But you are so damn stubborn I knew if I just told you that you would send me on my way and hold down the fort all by yourself and then Jax would be looking at me sideways…like anyone can keep you underwraps other than him."

"You are a sneaky little bitch…though I figured something was going on a couple of hours go when you wanted to go shopping for china patterns. Like my son would eat of that shit. I could barely get him to eat off a plate when he was younger." said Gemma laughing. "I knew about Clay seeing Elliot…Hale came over and talked to me. I guess he didn't get the answer he was looking for and decided to go around me to Jax." said Gemma. "I was intending to go and talk to Elliot in person...but you kidnapped me for the better part of the evening. I need to talk some sense into Elliot before he gets killed."

"Jax is worried Gemma…Clay is looking for blood. And Hale is worried because…Elliot has a gun…and he said that he could take care of himself. Someone is going to die if someone doesn't put a stop to this…" said Tara. "I don't know if it is you…or if it is Jax…but without intervention things are going to get bloody":

"Shit!" said Gemma. "They are both stupid bastards thinking with their pride instead of their heads. Elliot isn't thinking straight. Even if he were able to kill Clay…which I doubt because Clay is efficient if not anything else when it comes to making shit die…but even if he was to kill Clay. You don't kill the national president of a M.C. and live to tell the tale. You die…and you die bloody. He's walking into a world that he doesn't know anything about and he is going to himself killed!" said Gemma angrily. "And Clay is going to get himself sent to prison. I've already done the waiting thing before. Clay did a six year stretch before…it was too fucking long then…I can't do it now."

"You really care about him…? You want him to be alive. Do you want him?" asked Tara. "I mean you two seem pretty cozy…and he is a nice enough guy." said Tara as she drove. She glanced over at Gemma to see her reaction.

"I want to be his friend. I like spending time with him. We have a lot to talk about. I feel like he takes me back to a time when shit was simple…when I understood my life and everything in it. And he's a great lay…which is surprising to me since he is so damn wound tight…straight laced…businessman…whatever. Elliot wants to give a relationship a try. But I can't do that to him because I already know we wouldn't work out. I am a…black hole…devoid of any morals…devoid of a conscience most of the time. Hell sometimes Clay looks at me like I've lost my damn mind. Elliot sees…part of me…he sees the loving…sensitive…supportive part of me. The part that talked to his daughter after she had been raped. The part that was vulnerable after talking to her lawyer about a divorce. But he isn't well acquainted with the part of me that could slit someone's throat and sit back down and eat my dinner. I'm not who he thinks I am…" said Gemma.

"And if he could love you…the whole you…everything about you. Would you want to be with him? You aren't doing yourself any favors if you stay with Clay and that isn't where you want to be. I don't have to tell you that Jax will back your play…whatever it is you want. He'll make it happen…come push or blood." said Tara.

"Elliot is a good man and maybe in a different lifetime…we could have been together. But the path I am on…I can't just change directions. I can't fit into the world that he is in. And he can't fit into mine. And at the end of the day as much as Clay has hurt me. I love the hell out of him. And I know that in that big heart of his he loves me too. And as easy as it would be to move on and throw away 17 years of my life…because I could start fresh…but I don't want to. When I think about the person I want to grow old with…it will always be Clay…and that isn't going to change." said Gemma.

"Then you've got to let Elliot know that…make him understand it so that he doesn't throw away his life on something that you don't even want. You know that Clay would kill for you…just like I know that Jax would kill for me…he already has. And he did it without blinking an eye. Now Kohn…deserved to die because he hurt me. Elliot just wants to love you." said Tara.

"Back to my original point…I was going to go and see Elliot this evening before you took me on this day long shopping…diversion trip. I know how to handle my shit. I've been doing it for a long time sweetheart. I need you to drive me to Elliot's house. I need to sit him down and talk to him before he gets himself killed…" Gemma shook her head.

"I don't know if I should Gemma…Jax wanted me to bring you home…straight home that is what Opie said to me." said Tara.

"This is something that needs to be done face to face…not over a phone. This is for the good of everyone. Not just Elliot and Clay…but Jax too. Jax doesn't need to be getting in the middle of two men shooting it out. Bullets don't have names and accidents happen. Best way to keep everyone safe…is to let me take care of things before this train goes any further off the rails." said Gemma.

Tara sighed and said "Alright…I'll do it..." Tara drove toward Charming heading to Elliot Oswald's house. "Keep your cell on so that I can call you if Jax calls…"

Gemma reached into her purse and turned on her cell phone and showed it to Tara. "You happy darlin'?"

"Oh yeah…I am real freakin happy Gemma." replied Tara with a laugh.

Gemma got out of the car and said "I will be back in a couple of minutes...will you be alright here in the car with the children?" Gemma opened the car door and waited for Tara's response.

"We'll be fine Gemma. It seems that they both tired themselves out crying in the restaurant during dinner. We'll be waiting here for you. Do you want me to come in with you?" asked Tara with a curious look.

Gemma laughed and said "I've dumped men before dear. I am perfectly capable of going in talking to him on my own. But thank you for the offer." Gemma climbed out of the Cutlass and closed the door behind her. She walked up to his door and knocked.

Elliot opened the door with his gun at his side wondering if it was Clay. "Gemma..." said Elliot surprised. He put the safety on his gun. "Come in please. Is everything okay? I didn't expect to see you today."

Gemma saw the gun and walked into the house. "Elliot...what the hell is going on with you? You aren't the type of man to answer his front door with a gun in hand...why didn't you call to tell me that Clay had come by your office..."

"I have a right to protect myself...against unsavory characters and protect myself I will. This doesn't have anything to do with you Gemma. He wants me dead he doesn't even know that we have slept together. If he finds out the truth they will be finding pieces of my body along county road 44 for the next couple of weeks." said Elliot.

"I can handle Clay and I will take care of it okay. I will get him to back off. But you've got to cool it. Don't try to provoke him…because there is only so much that I can do. I don't want anything to happen to you Elliot. You've been an amazing friend. And I can't thank you enough. I don't know what these weeks would have been like if I didn't have you there to help me feel better. Just talking to you made me feel like I wasn't alone. But you and I aren't compatible…and you know it. Think about it realistically. Can you see me going to the country club with you? Afternoon teen and all of that. You know I am not that kind of person. I never have been and I never will be. I love Clay and I am going to make this thing work with him. You need to try to find someone to make you happy. You need to move on Elliot…because Clay will kill you. And I wouldn't be able to forgive myself." said Gemma.

"After how much he hurt you…how can you still love him? How can you still want to be with him? I know we have our difference but compromise is the lifeblood of relationships." said Elliot.

"Sometimes the people we love the most…are the ones that we hurt the most. And as bad as Clay has hurt me…I know that he still loves me and I still love him. And I can't stop. You have to understand that. You still love Karen right? There are a lot of things that people can compromise on…but not on who you are. Neither of us would be happy…you've got to give this up…why are you fighting so hard when we've only spent a little time together? Is it your pride in the way? Angry at feeling weak when it comes to Clay?" asked Gemma.

"Because I look at you and I see what could be between us…I think that I could make you happy…and I think you could make me happy too. I guess a little of it is pride. Knowing that I can't even really be your friend because he doesn't approve it pisses me off." said Elliot taking her face in his hands. But he didn't kiss her he leaned his forehead against hers.

"Elliot...you are risking a lot for something that isn't guaranteed. If you get killed what happens to Tristan? What is she supposed to do without her dear old dad? You really think Karen is the person the raise that little girl? She needs you whole…and not in prison. I'm your friend Elliot and I will never forget what you've done for me. But the line has to be drawn here before something happens that none of us can take back. Even if Clay and I don't work out…there is no way that I could ever move on to anyone else while I lived in this town. He wouldn't let go…he'd kill them even then…this is my life. I've accepted…you need to accept it too. You keep up the story about us just being friends. If he asks if we slept together you lie your ass off…and I will handle the rest." said Gemma.

Elliot looked at her. He was ready to argue but when she mentioned Tristan he knew that she was right. He knew his daughter needed him and he could b there for her if he was dead or locked up on murder charges. And more than that Gemma was right about it being a power trip on his part too. He wanted to show Clay that he wasn't afraid that he too was a man. "So what…we just don't see one another anymore…I see you in town I walk the other way?"

"Nothing so drastic…if we see each other we are polite like we always were. We say hello and go our separate ways…you will have a long and prosperous life…" said Gemma.

"And what about you…are you going to be happy?" asked Elliot.

"Only time will tell but I know that I will be happier knowing that you are alive and well… and not in prison…" said Gemma.

Elliot leaned in and kissed her lips passionately. If this was the last time he ever did it. He wanted to be damn sure that it was worth it.

The kiss lasted for quite some time. Gemma pulled back breathless. "Goodbye Elliot." said Gemma.

Tara walked into the door. "Gemma we've got to get the hell out of here! Jax and Clay are on their way here…we need to split now."

Gemma said "Shit…okay I've got to go. Just…do what I said Elliot…lie…and you will be safe okay…" Gemma walked out the door following Tara. She hopped into the car and closed the door.

Tara started the car up and tore away from the house. "Jax is going to settle this situation his way…he didn't elaborate on what that meant."

Gemma said "He's my son…he's capable of doing anything he wants…" Gemma looked out the window.

"You okay Gemma?" asked Tara.

"Sure…but I wonder how much of what is going on is really about me…and how much is about their pride…" said Gemma with an ironic chuckle.


	33. Chapter 33

Gemma fell silent as Tara drove them back to the house. There was a lot on her mind. She didn't know how long she would be able to keep Clay from going after Elliot. Clay was no idiot by any stretch of the imagination and that day had solidified in his mind that Elliot was the person that Gemma had been seeing. No amount of denying on her part would be enough to dissuade Clay. It was no longer a matter if Clay found out…but when.

Tara pulled into the driveway seeing Jax's bike parked in the driveway. "You ready to go in there and see Clay?" Tara looked at the expression on Gemma's face. She couldn't figure out if it was worry or fear that she saw. But she knew there was something there and she was suddenly very happy that Jax was back home to run interference if things went to hell.

"Sure…as ready as I am ever going to be…" said Gemma laughing. She grabbed her purse and got out of the car. She opened the back door of the car to get Sean out.

Jax walked out of the house hearing Tara's car pull up. Jax looked at Gemma. "He's inside waiting on you…I'll help Tara with the kids… go ahead…he…isn't in the best of moods fair warning."

"I want you and Tara to go home tonight…you two need some alone time. I can handle Clay just fine on my own." said Gemma. She kissed his cheek. "But thank you for being worried about me Jackson. You've really been supportive of me throughout this entire situation. I've appreciated that…it was nice knowing that there was someone on my side."

"You are my mother…I am always going to choose you over Clay. I don't care what you do. You are my blood. You sacrifice so much for me and everyone else. It just makes me wonder…if you married Clay…to ensure my place in the club…a lot of guys get displaced…when their old man dies while they are still young." said Jax.

Gemma looked at Jax a moment and the smiled. "That isn't why I married Clay. But I would be lying if I said I haven't been that little voice in his ear for years…making sure that he taught you everything you needed to know for the club. I worked to keep the two of you close…because I knew what I wanted for you. I knew what I wanted for you the first time I laid eyes on you. I married Clay because I loved him and I knew that he would be good to me and be a good father for you."

Jax nodded and said "I don't think I ever get the full truth out of you. But over the years I have learned to take the bit of truth you give me…and be satisfied with that. I am going to have to keep Tara away from you so that she doesn't turn into you." He laughed to let her know he was only joking.

"Everyone boy wants a woman like his mother." said Gemma with a smirk. She kissed his cheek. "I love you Jax."

Jax gave her a hug and said "I love you too." Jax then walked over to the back of the car to get both babies out.

Gemma walked into the house and went to her bedroom. She looked around at the mess Clay had made of the room. All of the drawers were open and clothing and other items were strewn on the floor. Her eyes went to the bed where Clay was laying. "What the hell happened here?" asked Gemma.

Clay looked over at her and said "I was looking for…I don't know…proof that you cheated on me with someone else. I looked and I couldn't find anything….so either you didn't cheat or you got rid of it all…I am not sure what to believe. Where are the cards from those flowers?"

"You happy? You satisfied?" asked Gemma leaning against the frame of the door looking at Clay. "I am not cleaning up this bedroom…" Gemma walked further into the room kicking clothes out of her way. She closed the drawers on a dresser and leaned against it.

"Satisfied? No…because I think you did. I want the truth Gemma...whatever it might be. You want me to be honest with you well I need the same thing from you. If I have to let my mind…wonder about what you were doing it is that much worse….and bad things happen." said Clay in an eerie voice.

"You threatening me?" asked Gemma calmly but with a glint in her eyes that was all too familiar. She wouldn't go down without a fight. She never took her gaze off of Clay's face.

Clay sat up in the bed. "You should know me better than that Gemma. I would never harm a hair on your head. I love you baby. But the person that took advantage of you…would not meet a swift end. The best way to move forward is to put whatever mistakes you made to rest. Just tell me the truth and we can move on from this. "

"Get this straight in your head. No one…took advantage of me. Anything I did…was because that is what I wanted to do. And anything I did…was because I needed to do it. And I won't go justifying it to you. We were separated at the time and I didn't know if we were through or not. I had a lawyer readying separation papers…I was close to calling him and asking him to draw up divorce papers. Our marriage was on the rocks…damn near over."

Clay was getting to the end of his rope with this situation. The more he thought about Gemma being with someone else the angrier he became. The more suspicious he became and her attitude wasn't making things any better. Clay said "Gemma…"

"Clay we aren't going to keep going around in circles with this. I love you and I am willing to try to fix our marriage but we need to leave the past where it is because if we start talking about trust you will lose that argument 100 times over. You love me…and I've allowed you to come back home. Let's focus on the two of us…not what either of us has done wrong. That is the only way that we can get back to being good for one another…good to one another. That is what you want right?" said Gemma.

"Because you won't give me a straight answer I guess I already have my damn answer. You slept with Elliot Oswald and now he is a dead man. I will make sure to make it painful…and a very long process…no one crosses me and gets away with it. How am I supposed to save face in this town?" said Clay.

"You kill him and we don't have a marriage…I will walk away. You need to let this go…find some way to make this right in your head. Because I can't do this…not anymore…" said Gemma.

"You expect me to walk around this town with him as mayor knowing that he fucked my wife?" yelled Clay. He grabbed her arm. "I want the truth from you. I want you to tell me the truth! Did you fuck Elliot Oswald? In this house? In this room? So he bought you some expensive flowers and some chocolates. That's enough to get you to spread your legs for him?"

"You expect me to raise your child with another woman after you threw in my face that I haven't given you one….." said Gemma in a cold voice. "You aren't some innocent victim in all of this Clay. You set all of this in motion. You are damn right…I slept with Elliot and it was good….I slept with him more than once…and the second time was even better than the first. Is that what you wanted to hear? Does that make you feel better Clay?" asked Gemma through clenched teeth. "And the best part…the sex was great…but do you know what I enjoyed even more than that? I talked and he heard me…he heard what I was saying to him and he wanted to be there for me…not the other way around. And by God…for once….for once it was nice to have someone want to take care of me!" said Gemma. Gemma stopped talking realizing how far over the edge she had just gone.

Clay stared at her in complete silence not sure what to say to her. In his mind he had known that she had slept with Elliot. But to hear those words from her lips confirming his fears was almost too much for him. How could the woman he loved do such a thing with another man. He had been in love with this woman for a very long time. For time before she was even his to love. He walked over to the bed and had a seat. He was too in shock to say anything to Gemma. More than that…he was hurt. And he was angry…he was angry at Gemma and he was angry at himself. He wouldn't admit it to her at this moment but he knew that he helped push her into another man's arms.

Gemma watched her husband knowing that her admission had hurt him and that it could cost Elliot his life. She walked over to Clay and sat next to him on the bed. She took his hand into hers. She didn't say anything to him at first. She wasn't sure what to say. She had been hateful when she yelled at him. She wanted to hurt him and if she was absolutely honest with herself she was angry with him. "If we are going to be together Clay….if we are going to be happy together…you've got to let this go. If you kill Elliot….where does that leave us? It doesn't fix anything…it will just make things worse…if not get you thrown in jail. Be with me…love me…love me enough to let him live. I don't want him. I want you that is why I told you to come back home. You are the only man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. I don't ask a lot of you Clay…but at this moment I am asking you…to give Elliot a pass. Let him live."

Clay looked over at Gemma."What will people think? I have a reputation to uphold…I can't let that sort of slap in the face stand without an answer…you know that."

"But who knows about Elliot and me? No one does. I know, you know, Elliot knows, Jax knows, and Tara knows. No one else is the wiser. And it will remain that way. Elliot doesn't really want to die. He is just being ignorant and prideful. He's a lonely man…and I was lonely too…and we sought comfort with one another. But at the end of the day he shouldn't have to die for it Clay. This is about your pride too…well sometimes…you have to be the bigger man…sometimes you have to look at what you are giving up…in order to maintain your pride." said Gemma.

Clay looked at her and said "Do you love him?"

"No, I care about him as a friend. He really stepped up when I was in a very bad place. He was that friend I needed. Someone outside of the club. Someone that didn't have a vested interest in me getting back with you. He was an ear…he was someone who had been betrayed by his spouse. He made me feel less humiliated…and he made me realize that there is life after being cheated on. That I could take this horrible situation…that hurt me…and I could turn it into something to empower me. That I could pursue the dreams I had long since given up on. And at that moment. I needed that. I needed someone to be a cheerleader for me." said Gemma.

"And I couldn't do that for you? I am trying to understand." said Clay looking at his wife. He was really trying to understand where she was coming from.

"It is like we talked about. I've gotten so used to taking care of everyone else and no one…ever takes care of me. Well along the way…I have wanted things from life but never did them…not because of you…but because of the responsibilities I took upon myself. I am the one that chose to make the sacrifices that I made. So I am by no means blaming you." said Gemma.

"What sort of sacrifices?" asked Clay.

"I wanted more children. I wanted a business of my own like a bar…it had always been my dream to own my own little bar…I wanted to travel…see more than just my little corner of the world." said Gemma.

"We can do all of those things Gemma. I didn't know that I was holding you back from any of that. You never told me that you wanted those things. I've always thought that you were content with our life." said Clay.

"I have been content Clay…but I have also wanted more. And you didn't hold me back. I held myself back. I made those sacrifices. I never moved forward with any of my plans. That is on me…your affair just made me look at what I had given up and it made me wonder what I would have to show for my life if we weren't together. And I began to realize with you…without the club…my life would be fairly empty. So…I've started thinking about what I can do for me…" said Gemma.

"I feel like I should have know…that you wanted something more…that I could have made you happier." said Clay. "What things have you come up with?" asked Clay.

"This isn't about you making me happy baby. It is about me making me happy. You make me incredibly happy. You give me everything I could ever want and you love the hell out of me. But some things…I just have to do for myself. Like…buying Nadine's salon from her. I've got some money put up…and Tara is going to go in as a partner…I am going to renovate the place some…and that will be my business…my little piece of the world. And we have Sean now…I always wanted another child…and now we have one…I have a beautiful step-son to raise and love as my own. Now all I need is you Clay…." said Gemma.

Clay sat there and said "I need to think…" He got up from the bed and walked out of the room. He left the house getting onto his bike and taking off.

Gemma sat there on her bed not sure what would come of this situation. Was there a fix to all of this? She looked around at the trashed room and decided to clean it up anyway. She needed a mindless task that would keep her occupied.


	34. Chapter 34

Clay rode around for awhile trying to figure out what to do. He knew from Gemma's tone that he would lose her if he killed Elliot Oswald. But at the same time there had to be some sort of answer for what Elliot had done. Clay's pride demanded it. But getting rid of Elliot set of a whole other set of problems. Including that it would leave the door open for Jacob Hale to make his move on the mayor position again. Clay had to do what was best for his life, his wife, his club, and his town. Clay finally came to a solution two hours after he had left the house. He turned around and headed to Elliot Oswald's place and parked outside when he finally made it there. He got off of his bike and walked up to Elliot's door and knocked. Clay walked over to the banister and leaned on it waiting to see if Elliot would answer the door considering how late it was. Elliot could either agree to Clay's solution or Elliot could die. Clay figured it was fair enough.

Elliot was awake reading when he heard the bike's engine approaching his home. He got out of the bed and grabbed his gun and headed downstairs. He had never killed a man before but he was willing to give it a shot. He went to the door keeping the gun out of sight. He was nervous there was no denying that. "What can I do for you?" asked Elliot staring Clay down. He wasn't about to be disrespected on his own property. His hands got a little clammy as he stood there looking at Clay's relaxed stance.

Clay could tell from Elliot's stance that he was attempting to conceal a gun. Clay shook his head. "I am not here to kill you...if I was I would have shot you in the head as soon as you opened the door. I am here...to figure out a way to lay all of this to rest without me having to kill you. Gemma doesn't want you dead..for whatever reason...and the town needs you. So to make my wife happy...I am going to let you live...but it is going to cost you." Clay took a cigar out of his pocket and clipped it before he lit it. He took a puff and looked at Elliot.

Elliot wasn't sure what to make of what was happening at the moment. He didn't know if he could really trust Clay but he figured that he had a point. If Clay really wanted him dead then he would be dead. Elliot finally moved out of the way and said "Come in." Elliot walked into the house turning on the lights in the living room. He tucked the gun into his waist. He didn't feel safe enough to put it away. Elliot poured himself a glass of scotch and looked over at Clay. "Do you want a drink?" asked Elliot.

Clay nodded and said "Yeah...bring the bottle with you. Somehow I think that we are both going to need it to stomach the terms of our agreement." Clay puffed of his cigar shaking his head. The things he did for love. He looked at a rug on the floor. At this very moment he should be wrapping Elliot's dead body in tat expensive looking rug and taking him out to the woods to dispose of him. Instead he was here bartering for his pride. "Gemma told me the truth...that the two of you slept together. Now my first instinct was to kill you. My second instinct was to kill you slowly...but...I gave myself some time to think. Gemma wants you alive...she says you are a friend...and...you are a better option for this town than Jacob Hale. So I have to think about more than just me and my pride...because my pride says I should slit your throat..."

Elliot walked over having a seat. He slid Clay's glass across the coffee table to him. Elliot was seated in a chair directly across from the couch that Clay was currently sitting on. He listened to Clay talk and swallowed hard knowing that he still might not be out of the woods. He could see the fury on Clay's face. It was an anger he could well understand. He felt the same when he found out about his wife's affair. "So...assuming that you aren't going to drink my scotch and kill me...what...are you here for?"

"Well, you violated what was mine...and no one gets away with that...not even the mayor of our sleepy little town. For any other man the price to be paid would be death...but you...you serve a useful purpose to me and the club. I think it is time that we change our current arrangement to something that is more profitable for my club. You will block any and all ordinances that are aimed toward development here in Charming I don't care how much pressure you get from the city council." said Clay.

Elliot raised an eyebrow at Clay and then nodded. "Sure that is no problem Clay. I am against it to begin with, I have as much if not more to lose development comes to town...I have a stranglehold on construction, beef...you know all of that." He said "What else?" He was sure that the what else part was going to leave a bad taste in his mouth. He swallowed the last of the scotch in his glass and refilled it.

"I want a tract of your land that you use for timber we can get into the exact size of the matter once you agree to my terms. Whenever you cut down timber in the area that belongs to me and the club you kick that money up to us with a little extra in there just to say thank you for being alive. And to patch things up with Gemma I am going to surprise her with a house renovation...your crew does the work. You pay for the labor and the materials. And we need a little work done at the club too...need to add on to the dorm area...you eat the cost of their labor but I will pay for the materials on that one. You do those things and keep your mouth shut about what happened between you and my wife...and I will let you live." said Clay picking up the glass of scotch and drinking it.

Elliot nearly choked on his scotch hearing what Clay wanted from him in exchange for his life. He looked at the evil smirk on Clay's face and knew that there was no negotiating this. He either took this or a bullet to the head. Elliot slowly nodded and finally said "Okay...you have a deal Clay. When do you want to get a long at the timber land?" He didn't even want to think about how much money he'd be spending on Clay's renovations. His head was swimming. He finished of his glass of scotch and poured another. Elliot looked depressed. He got up and went to his office getting a map of his land. He brought it back down and spread it out on the coffee table. "What do you want?"

Clay smirked seeing the look on Elliot's face. It wasn't as satisfying as seeing him dead but it did get closer to making things right. "We can go out tomorrow and I'll stake my claim to what is mine in person...let this be a lesson to you...keep away from what is mine." Clay looked over the map and took a pen marking a sizeable swath of land. He pushed the map in Elliot's direction.

Elliot grimaced a little. Clay didn't need to elaborate he understood that meant that he was to keep his distance from Gemma and at this point he didn't mind that one bit. He was playing a pretty penny for "their" transgressions. He said "I will...be sure to remember that...alright...we can meet at my office tomorrow whenever you are ready." Elliot glanced at the map and felt his jaw clench nearly to the breaking point. But he didn't say a word. He just nodded in Clay's direction.

Clay chuckled and said "Good..." Clay finished his glass of scotch. "Oswald I think this is going to be a great relationship...amazing really." He chuckled and stood up from the couch and offered Elliot his hand to shake. He stared Elliot down as he waited to shake his hand.

Elliot stood up and shook his hand. But Elliot's hand was a little sweaty and it was shaking somewhat. He wasn't going to die but he was being reamed by Clay and he wasn't sure that these would be the only terms. He knew Clay was good at springing up new terms to an agreement whenever he chose to.

"Most expensive piece of ass you've ever had I am sure. She's worth it." said Clay laughing. He walked out of the house chuckling to himself. He felt better...much better in fact. He got onto his bike and drove back home. Clay got off of his bike and headed into the house. The house was pretty much silent and he wondered if Gemma had gone to bed for the night. He glanced at the watch on his wrist and saw how late it was. He chuckled to himself. He hadn't realized that time had flown by so quickly. But when he was in deep thought on the road time just sort of passed him by. Clay locked the door behind him and walked to the nursery first to check on Sean. He smiled seeing his son fast asleep. "Hey buddy….it looks like our little family is going to make it after all. Sleep well son…" He looked over and saw that Abel was asleep as well. He walked over and smiled looking at his grandson fast asleep as well. Clay walked out of the nursery and walked to Gemma's bedroom. He walked into the room seeing that she had cleaned up the mess he had made earlier.

Gemma was laying in the bed listening to music in the dark. It had been hours since Clay had left the house. She was beginning to worry about him and about Elliot. And the worst part of it was that she couldn't even call to check on Elliot. She just had to hope that both men decided not to be idiots. Gemma looked up seeing Clay walk into the room. She reached over and turned on the lamp. "Where have you been Clay? I was starting to worry with you being gone as long as you were." Her eyes scanned his body for tell-tale signs of blood or a fight but didn't see anything. She got out of the bed and made her way over to him. She was wearing a black spaghetti strap night gown.

Clay said "I just needed to do some thinking on my own...you are right Gemma...you and I weren't together when this happened...I needed to find a way to let it go...so I did. And don't worry I didn't kill him...I saw the way you were looking at me when I walked into the room...your little friend is still alive...and well." He took her face into his hands and kissed her. "I love you. And if leaving the son of a bitch alive will keep you in my life...then I am willing to do that."

"I love you too Clay..." said Gemma eying him for a moment. "And how did you come to this miraculous revelation?" asked Gemma looking at her husband suspiciously. Clay was as jealous as she was if not more. There was no way that he had decided to just let things go. No there had to be more to this situation and she wanted to know what.

Clay said "Well there are two ways to pay for crossing the club...blood or money. Since you don't want him dead...he's going to pay money. And I am not going to go into details with you because it is club business. So don't ask….." He gave her a look telling her to back off of the subject.

"You are full of shit Clay. This isn't club business. You just don't want to tell me how much you are soaking him for. If it was club business you would have told the boys about it first...and we both know you aren't going to do that because then you'd have to tell them about what happened between me and Elliot and we both know that your pride can't handle that. So just how much are you bleeding Elliot for?" said Gemma.

Clay grabbed her and looked into her eyes. "I left him alive...count your blessings on that and leave it alone. He is alive because of you...because I love you and I don't want to lose you...I was willing to ignore my need to see him as a corpse so just stop." Clay shook his head and had a seat on her bed. "Just don't push me any further Gemma...I am trying to deal with this as well as I can...do you know how hard it is to look at you and not think about the fact that some other man was in the one place that only I am supposed to be..." said Clay.

"Yes, I do know how that feels...to know that the person you love...has found another. I know that feeling well." said Gemma in a low but determined voice. She kissed him softly softly and then leaned her head against his since he was seated and she was standing. She just stood there a minute and said "I know this hurt you...and it wasn't meant to hurt you. I just...I needed somebody Clay...I know you don't understand that but I needed someone that wanted to take care of me...but I am sorry...I am sorry for the hurt it caused you…but I didn't do this out of spite…I want you to know that. I mean…I told you out of spite…but…"

"I am angry at myself...I pushed you into another man's arms...into another man's bed. I will never do that again." said Clay. He kissed her softly and looked into her eyes not sure if she'd ever feel about him the way she used to feel about him and that prospect scared the hell out of him. His world was upside down. Before this happened he never considered that he could lose Gemma but now he knew it was possible. Gemma knew that she could be without him and that she could find another man that was more than willing to take care of her. "I am tired…I think I am going to go and turn in for the night." He got off of her bed and got ready to head for the door.

Gemma grabbed his hand stopping him from leaving the room. "Wait…" said Gemma in a quiet voice. She walked over to the door and locked it before walking back over to Clay. She stood in front of him and looked into his eyes for a moment before leaning up and kissing him softly. She draped her arms over his shoulders as they kissed.

Clay's arms circled around Gemma's frame pulling her in closer to him. He breathed in the smell of her lavender body wash on her neck as he kissed her neck. "You always smell so damn good." muttered Clay against her neck. He felt her moving them back towards the bed. He hadn't had sex in quite a long time so even kissing Gemma had him worked up.

Gemma pulled back from him and pulled him over to the bed with her. Gemma lightly pushed him backward so that he was sitting on the bed. She reached up and slid the straps of her night gown off of her shoulders and let it fall to her feet. Gemma moved so that she was standing between his legs and took off his cut throwing it on the bench that sat at the end of the bed. She started unbuttoning his shirt and pushed it from his shoulders.

Clay watched Gemma take off her night gown and let out a groan as he looked at her nude body. "You look beautiful Gemma…" said Clay in a slightly strained voice. He let her undress him and when they were both completely undressed and in the bed together he gave her a sort of dumbfounded look. "Are you sure?" asked Clay.

Gemma laughed softly and said "Shut up."

Clay said "But…"

Gemma kissed her husband passionately to keep him from asking another stupid question. She climbed on top of him straddling him as Bad Company's feel like making love started playing. She chuckled softly at the irony. "We can talk about what this means later…but right now…at this very moment I need my husband." murmured Gemma against his lips. Gemma had missed being with Clay this way. It always seemed like everything was right in the world when their bodies were tangled together in a sweaty heap. They both needed this moment to reconnect with one another. Gemma was worried. She didn't know if they could both feel the same for one another. Would she be thinking about the fact that he slept with Alexis? Would he be thinking about the fact that she had sex with Elliot?

Clay wasn't sure what had gotten into Gemma but he wasn't about to pass this chance up. He rolled the two of them over. His muscular body easily covered hers as he began to run his hands over her body. His fingers caressed her curves as his mouth explored her neck and throat, eliciting moans from her. For so long he thought he'd never be able to touch her this way again. Clay's hands wandered down her torso, past her stomach to the sacred spot between her legs, where he skillfully teased the love of his life.

Gemma bit her lip, feeling a burning fire of desire deep within her. "Clay…." she moaned. She feared if she uttered anything else it would not be intelligible. Her body arched and trembled, and her grip on her self-control slipped away as Clay pleased her like no other man ever had. "Clay….I want you now…" murmured Gemma. She couldn't wait any longer.

Clay shook his head suppressing a small smirk as he stared into her eyes and said "I've waited far too long for this moment…I am not going to rush…" And for the next couple of hours Clay and Gemma explored and pleased one another rekindling the love that had always been there between them. Afterward Clay rolled to Gemma's side catching his breath. "I love you Gemma…" said Clay in a voice thick with emotion as he looked over at her.

Gemma laid there with and said "I love you too Clay more than you could ever know…I need you…as much as you need me…" She was quiet for a moment and said "What do you think of…maybe moving back into our bedroom?" She looked at Clay to see his reaction. She had a couple of motivations for sleeping with Clay the most important one was that he put her first. He had wanted to kill Elliot and she had seen that in his eyes. But for her…he had let Elliot live and that meant the world to her.

He was quiet for a moment before a smile spread over his face. "I'd like that a lot Gemma…I've never liked sleeping without you. If you want me to move back in here…then that is what I will do. I just want you to be sure about it baby. I know…I know things haven't been good between us and I know most of that is my fault…but I don't want anyone else and I will spend however long you need….proving that to you." said Clay. He kissed the top of Gemma's head. Clay was fairly exhausted. He had been through a lot in the last couple of days and he was tired.

"Good…then you can start moving your things into here in the morning…you'll put them up yourself though." said Gemma with a small chuckle. "It will take work….and time but I think that we can get through this…we love one another…and we both want to be together…I don't want anyone else either."

Clay smiled at her when she said that she didn't want anyone else. "So…you won't be seeing Elliot anymore?" asked Clay looking at her seriously. He needed to know that whatever the two of them had was over for good.

Gemma said "I don't have any reason to see him…and I don't think the two of us can be friends….so I won't be seeing him anymore…I am going to focus on you…and our family…and the club."

Clay kissed her softly and said "Good…" "I was thinking…I know you've been after me for awhile to make some changes around here. What better way to start off than to start fresh? Why don't we make some changes around here? We can do whatever you want. No expense spared."

Gemma was shocked. "Are you serious?" asked Gemma with a grin. "I would love that Clay….I really would." She kissed him passionately.

Clay chuckled and said "Good…we can talk more about it in the morning. Goodnight baby."

"Goodnight Clay." She cuddled with Clay and closed her eyes listening to him breathing next to her. She laid there until she heard him start to snore. She laughed quietly and got up retrieving her nightgown from the floor and pulling it on along with her bathrobe. She went to the closet and pulled out one of her purses. She collected the cards that had come with the flowers Elliot sent her and the stuffed animal. She grabbed a letter Elliot had written to her as well. She went out to the back yard. She tossed them in the fire pit and set them on fire. She relaxed on the patio enjoying the silence of the neighborhood and the cool breeze that whipped around her body. She watched the fire consume the scraps of card. "To new beginnings…" whispered Gemma to herself looking up at the moon.


End file.
